Not wanting to go home. Not sure where my home is. They say home is where your heart is. My heart belongs to a loving man.
We have been through everything together. The good moments when we are messing around and laughing till its not funny anymore. To the bad when I text him to come get me from the place I once called home. Ever since my parents started to fall apart and started the many steps of getting a divorce.
Michael has become my safe haven.
Listening to them fight in the bathroom I turn the television up so my little brother can't hear them yell at each other about all the things that tore them apart. About money and bills. About how neither one is ever here to be a parent. Don't understand why they fight with one another about neither one of them not being here to help me keep this house up. All the fights seem to do is make them not be home more often. One of the fight I made my parents go outside and deal was about dad wanting us to move out sooner than later. At the end of the night I feel more and more grown up taking care of my brother on a daily basis. With no one there at home just us for hours on end. I have to make him dinner when we get home from school. Make sure he takes his shower, and does anymore homework.
Waiting for Michael’s football  practice to end. While I wait I blow up his phone about what's going on, I know he wont text back for an hour or so but it helps while I wait.
I am the big sister I tell myself over and over again. “I have to stay strong for my little brother Tyler. Don't let those tears fall keep them in, you’re stronger than this.”
When practice finally ends and he comes over.
I sit patiently while he takes off his shoes and comes sits next to me. He puts me on his lap, wraps his arms around me, I rest my head on his shoulder, and let the tears fall. He wipes my tears away and kisses me so softly on the cheek. Makes me smile knowing that he is here to support me no matter what.
We whisper to each other for hours about things that have been going on at home; funny calling it home. I tell him about mom and dad fighting and me having to make dinner for Tyler every night. I tell Mike about mom and dad moving on and starting new relationships.
He looks at me and said “Baby girl no matter what happens I will be here for you.” He takes by the hand, tells me he loves me I say it back with a big smile, and think to myself wow this man loves me and I wont ever let him go.
We talk quietly about school and what teachers we like and which ones we don’t like. We also talk about what we did in our classes and how our days were. But no matter what our conversation are about we always end up talking about what our plans are going to be for the weekend. About who is spending the night where after his football games on Friday nights and if we are going out or not.
When the stars start coming out and the clock says its eight forty its time for him to leave. It’s hard for me to say goodbye to him because I know as soon as he leaves I am going to feel alone and lost knowing that the person that I love and feel safe with is gone for the night.
He is gone. I’m alone.
I go to my room lay in bed pull the blankets up and wait, for my phone to go off. When it finally goes off I get excited but not for the text saying, “Hey I'm home.” But for the second text. “Good night baby girl I love you soo much sweet dreams.” I breathe. This feeling of love makes my body warm. I reply, “ Good night handsome I love you soo much too, sweet dreams.” I plug in my phone and turn it off.
I smile at nothing. I think to myself, “I found my home in him.” It might be a home with some holes. It might not be made of cement, but it is where I am happy and safe.