We can’t help the lives we are born into. We have no choice over our parents or their skeletons. We have no say in our wealth or situation. We can’t determine who we are, who we aren't, or who we turn out to be. We can’t choose where we go because our fates are already written in the stars. Aren't they?

I was born into a life of pain and adversity, and when I was young, sadness overtook me though I’d tried to fight it off for years. It sank into the far corners of my mind, filling my life with darkness. A darkness that I came to enjoy the company of. A darkness that became a part of me as it chipped away at my soul. And then I was numb.

In my mother’s screams and in my father’s illness, I found solace. I found peace that had otherwise been lacking. I found artificial happiness in the idea of freedom from life. As the screams became louder and my father fought the grip of death less and less, all that accompanied me was reason and what I thought to be sanity. The calm before the storm. My thoughts of artificial happiness pulled me into the darkest state of euphoria. But it was not the same freedom that I had always dreamed of; it was only cowardice dressed as a white light.
I almost allowed myself the final release, but hope saved me.

My daughter’s name will be Hope, and she is going to shine light on this dark world. She will give hope to those who have none. She will share kindness from the truest parts of her heart. She will help me never to lose hope in myself, my life, or my freedom. Even though my hope dwindled during my period of gray, it was never lost. Hope saved me from myself.

I realize now that no, we cannot choose our family or what we are born into, but we can in fact choose who we are. We choose ourselves by the actions we take, the books we read, the music that lifts our souls. We build our character by choosing to see light in the darkest of places. We decide our fate, our lives, by whichever path we venture down. We choose happiness and love and sadness and hatred. We choose ambivalence or indifference. We choose hope. And hope is undying. Hope is forever. I choose to believe in the hope that resides in my soul. The hope that I will one day be free. I choose to believe that I will be happy. I choose to believe that I will be brave enough never to let the darkness into my life again. I choose a life of love and light. I choose omnipotent, ever-present Hope.