I can’t. I won’t. How could I? These thoughts raced through my head as my heartbeat intensified. I won’t be as good as the rest of them. The anxiety was creeping back again, stronger and more powerful than usual. No, no, I can’t! Any adrenaline I’d built up had been beaten down by my own self-consciousness, my own insecurity. Stop watching them; it’ll only make it worse. And so I slumped away letting them to go on without me. If she couldn’t do it, how could I?

When I was little, I idolized my older sister--she was big and strong and could do anything. I remember sitting and watching her ride a bike, wide-eyed and envious. One day, I too would be big and strong and ride a bike gracefully like her. Everything looked so easy and effortless; I couldn’t wait to try it myself. One day, however, she was biking down the big hill at our grandmother’s house when a car came out of nowhere. She swerved and fell and scraped her knee really badly. I remember the blood from her knee staining her jeans a crimson red. Tears poured down her face, as my mom ran inside to get bandages and antiseptic. In that moment she looked so fragile…so weak, betrayed by something she loved so much. That image has been forever burned into my mind, haunting me, reminding me that I never wanted to be weak or fragile like she was that day.

So I never learned how to ride a bike, shrinking from the opportunity the countless times it was given to me. I still don’t know how, and that’s kind of awful. I remember being so embarrassed about it when I was little—too many bikers in lower and middle school for my lack of biking ability to get by unnoticed. I made millions of excuses to get out of riding bikes with my friends. I just couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t let myself lose control like that. It took me a long time and a lot of years of growing before I realized that letting your fears control you is a horrible way to live.

Last summer I was visiting with some friends before they headed off to college. At some point we decided we should each pick one thing we were afraid of before the summer was over. For me, it was a roller coasters. I’d never been – practically forsaking a teenage rite of passage most of my life! Yet I stubbornly refused, time and time again, because – I mean – have you seen those things? They’re terrifyingly large, and no matter how isolated the incident, it would only take but one moment of uncertainty to completely eviscerate any love or trust I had built up for them. When they found out I was afraid of them, they were incessant in their determination to make me ride one. They dragged me to an amusement park. My heart stopped. I frantically searched my brain for an excuse that would help me out of this. Then I stopped and looked at everyone around me. They were going to be fine when all was said and done. I thought back to when I saw my sister fall and scrape her knee on a bike, and how I let my fear control me because of it. I can’t. I won’t. How could I? The students bike past me happily in the amusement park, a symbol of my own inability to conquer fears. Well, why not? They’re all going… My friends were waiting in line right in front of me, doing a bit of west coast swing while waiting in line. You know what, no. I can. I will. And so I did, and expanded my world alongside it. The wind whooshed through my hair and made a mess of what I thought was actually looking pretty nice that day, it threw me about in the most fascinating and invigorating of manners, and at the end, I was beset by the most unusual exhilaration. I’d done something and survived, hell, I’d loved it. The beaming smiles on the faces of my friends sold me on the idea: do what you’re afraid of. Conquer your fears or at least confirm them. There are still certain roller-coasters I’d never dream of letting myself in; screaming metal deathtraps are not my forte, thank you, but not all of them. If you have your friends, and if you have at least a little bit of bravery, the world becomes a much bigger, much more lovely and open environment. What was great was how everyone else embraced this sentiment. What’s happening this summer? My friend who’s never danced before is dancing with me. My friend who’s afraid of exotic foods is going to try some. And who knows? Maybe I’ll ride a bike. Why? Because fear conquering is an important part of life. The key to life isn’t wearing a steel face and conquering your fears, but instead it’s feigning just a little bravery in the face of the unknown, rebuffing the simple fear of said unknown, and learning the truth and taking advantage of opportunities when they present themselves. That’s something you won’t regret, ever.