April, 2006
Hi Diary!
So, my mom told me to start writing, so I did.
I went over to grandma and grandpa’s house today, and we did stickers.
That’s probably really confusing for you, but what stickers is are these really fun books with stickers in them, and you take the stickers and put them in different pages of the book that go with the story! It’s really fun, and grandpa taught me how to make sure bubbles didn’t get in the dinosaur stickers.
Grandma went back into the bathroom to put on her makeup and I came with her, and I watched. She had a cigarette, and she was smoking.
She talked to me about make-up, and what she was doing, and I really wanted to put some on because my grandma’s make-up looked really nice, but she didn’t let me.
When I went back to my house, Ariel had a friend over and she sat me down and put fairy make-up on me, and I felt just like grandma, and it was really fun, cause she finally let me talk to her friends, and it’s fun.
Dad had one of those drink things, and he fell asleep. Mom told me not to wake him up. But now she’s telling me to go to bed, so I’m gonna do that.
Night!

Hi Diary!!!
Today I went to grandma and grandpa’s house again, because I was sick, and laid on the couch. My mom was there, and she’s never ever at Grandma and grandpa’s, even on Christmas. She doesn’t like going to grandma and grandpa’s, and I don’t really know why because their house is so much fun to go to, they have lots and lots of toys and lots of sticker books, and grandpa always gives me ice cream and lets me put sprinkles on it.
My mom left, and grandma patted my head and got me a blanky, and she sat next to me on her end of the couch and read one of her books about birds.
She really likes birds a lot, and today she told me about different kinds of birds and what kinds of calls they have, and how fun it is to look for them.
Then grandpa turned the TV on and put on my favorite Winnie the Pooh movie, and I think I fell asleep.
But then daddy picked me up, and I was happy.
I feel a lot better now, diary.


Hi Diary
When I was with mom and dad today they told me that grandma has “cancer”, and I don’t really understand what that means. Daddy says that cancer means that Grandma might die, and that’s scary. I don’t understand why grandma has cancer, she didn’t do anything to get cancer, but dad says that she got cancer because she smoked, and that’s scary, because my mommy smokes, and I don’t want her to get cancer. I just don’t want anyone to get cancer, diary, it’s so bad.

Diary
Today I went over to Grandma and Grandpa’s house, and grandma is losing hair. She has a towel around her shoulders, and hair comes out of her head a lot. She didn’t wanna eat a PBJ, so instead we split a grapefruit, and I had a bowl of Frosted Flakes with her. She doesn’t look at bird books anymore, and Grandpa doesn’t wanna play stickers anymore. Sometimes she can’t stand up, and Grandpa has to help her go to the bathroom, which is really weird. But Mom says that it’s good because he’s helping her in every way he can. Dad is drinking more of those things--- Way more than he usually does. Whenever he does that my mommy makes me go to bed, and I don’t get why.
He’s just drinking funny soda, right?

Diary

Dad had me help him make one of those drink things, and the ingredients are these:
Alcohol, tomato and clam juice, Worchestier sauce, tabasco sauce, and olives. Dad says that he can’t go a day without having one of these, and that kinda confused me.
I can go without soda, why can’t he go without one of those things?
But anyway, I got my tray that I can wheel things around on any put all the ingredients he needed on them, and went over to him with my cart.
Daddy pulled the ingredients from the cart, and said thank you.
I asked, “Daddy, why do you always drink these?”
“Because they taste good.”
“So can I have one?”
“No.”
I wheeled my cart back to the play area, sad.
Why can’t I have one if these make dad so happy?
When my mommy noticed that dad was drinking one of his drink things, she told me to go to bed, and I did.
I don’t understand.

Diary

Today was Christmas Eve and I went over to Grandma and Grandpa Andrew’s house to open presents with them.
It was really fun, I got a lot of clothes from Grandma and I looked around the house for cool stuff that grandma has.
Grandma decided to talk to the witch in the treasure box, and from the witch, I got a really cool doggie in a purse.
I love my new doggie, even though Boomer, my real dog, is pretty great to.
Boomer and I cuddle a lot, and he never ever growls or barks at me, which is really nice.
When I went into the basement to talk to people, Daddy and Grandpa were having those drink things again, and I got confused.
Grandpa likes those to?
Mommy says that grandpa’s getting sick, and it’s not just like, a cold kind of sick, I guess.
I don’t really know what he’s sick with, but it’s a bad thing I guess.


Diary

Today was Christmas, and I had lots of fun with Grandma and Grandpa, even though she’s realllllly sick now. Grandpa stayed in the basement like usual (he haaates christmas), and grandma watched us open our presents.
She put a lottery ticket in my stocking, which was silly, but it was fun scratching those things.
Ariel got one to, and she actually got 5$ from the lottery ticket!!!
Auntie De and Auntie Chris wouldn’t let grandma make dinner, but my mom insisted that she could do it, and so she did.
Grandma and Mom have been talking a lot more lately, and Grandma seems different.
She’s starting to mix up Auntie De and Auntie Chris’s names, and Daddy told me that she has a tumor in her brain, and I don’t really know what a tumor is, but I guess she’s having surgery to get rid of it.
Christmas is grandma’s fffaavvorritee holliday, and it was especially fun this year.

Diary

It’s the end of January, and I guess the surgery didn’t help Grandma at all. She just seems to be getting worse, like, now she mixes Ariel and I up a lot, and that’s confusing and sad.
Dad drank a lot of those things, and when he started yelling, my mom made me go to bed. But he kept yelling, and Mom and Ariel came into my room to hide. Dad kept trying to get into my room but Mom didn’t let him, and it was really scary hearing him yell those things at mom. After a little, he walked back to the basement, and mom and Ariel had me sneak out to get the phone. When I got back, they called the police, and I had to tell the police what happened. They said they found blood. I was crying really bad, and Ariel hugged me, and the police man went out to his car and came back with teddy bears. He gave one to Ariel and one to me. Then after he left, Ariel and I slept in my bed. The next day my dad tried coming into the house, and Ariel and I hid in her room. Then the day after that, my mom got a call that Grandma died. I didn’t cry. But, the funeral was really sad, and Dad and Grandpa were crying really bad. I cried only a little bit, because I wanted to be strong for Dad and Grandpa. Auntie Chris and Auntie De were crying to, and my mom tried to talk, but no one really listened. It was really sad.

Diary

So it’s been 7 years since all that happened, and I kinda just found this when I opened a box. After the funeral, my mom and dad told me that they were getting a divorce. I accepted it really well apparently, and my mom was glad that I wasn’t sad about it. I guess I knew that it would happen eventually cause of how much they fought. What happened that night is still kinda fuzzy, I mean, it’s been so long.. But I just know that whatever happened pushed my mom over the edge. I think he might have hit my sister or something… I’m still not that sure. After my birthday that year, literally 6 days after, my grandpa died. Turns out that he was really sick. He passed away in his sleep. My mom, sister and I moved to Pewaukee and she met Jim, and they got married after four years of being together, then my grandma got remarried and I moved to Oconomowoc and went to Perform. I feel like everything that happened back then has made me into the person that I am today, and I don’t feel sad anymore. I did for a while, but now I don’t. I now write with a clear head, because I’m happy. I have great friends that keep me from getting sad, and I have great parents-- even though they don’t live in the same house.