People tend to ask “who are you?” a lot in our society, as if one word, one sentence, or one moment describes who you are as a person. Trying to answer that question is next to impossible with only a few minutes. I am me, every feeling, every second, every thought make me who I am. No one moment changed my life, or even affected who I am, or was.Looking back, few things make me who I am, but these things have had the biggest impact on me. These things have been hockey, friends and music. Each have taught me something about myself, and have helped me through rough times in my life.

I have played hockey since I was about 5 years old, and it never fails to teach me something about myself every year. The most recent time I learned something was during a game about a year ago, and that was after one moment. One small moment that taught me something about my life and myself. It was my first season in the Midget league, and one of the first games of the season. I remember walking onto the ice a little cocky, and overly confident in myself, but calmed by the smell of fresh ice. Looking back, I’m pretty glad that I’ve changed that since then, much better to be humble and mildly confident. I remember the feeling that was in my veins as I stepped out onto the ice during a faceoff. One of anticipation and happiness. As the puck dropped, I remember the rush of my body as small amounts of adrenalin pumped through my veins. Quickly, the puck was dropped and the play started. Only one part of that shift really stands out to me, the one that helped guide my life. I remember skating up the left boards towards the opponents net, just picking up the puck as it was passed past my feet next to the left faceoff circle. I thought I had enough time to make it out of the zone, looking back at the moment, I probably should have payed more attention and then I would have seen the body hurtling towards me. The feeling of being checked is hard to explain, no matter the size or speed you and the other player is going. Each time you’re hit, or you hit someone, anything can happen. When the person checking you is much larger than you, and going at least 15-20 miles per hour, it’s something you can never prepare for. To feel your body just stop, change direction in an instant and then slam against ice is not a pleasant feeling to say the least. It’s worse than running face first into a brick wall. Then, just to make matter worse, after I hit the ice, I was close enough to the boards that my head slammed into them, going the same speed as my body. The feeling alone is enough to stop any person in their tracks, but not for me. Looking back, I still wonder, how after such a bad hit, something that should have hurt me much more than it did, how did I get up and laugh?

All of my friends, current and former, have effected my life and have made me who I am today. I was never a very popular kid growing up, and even today I’m not. I never had more than 6 or 7 people I could really call my friends. I knew other people, yes, but they were more of acquaintances than friends. This being said, I’ve had a lot of “friends” throught the years, and as each year passes, it becomes a learning experience. It used to be hard for me to make friends, and it still is in some ways. I was never one to completely put myself out on the stage, I tend to be more reserved, and in a way, harder to approach I guess. Looking back, that’s probably why i was never that popular, but nor did I wish to be popular. The few friends I’ve had, made some of the greatest memories with. I have always tried to be close with my friends, partly due to the fact that I am an only child, and never really knew how it felt to have a sibling. I guess you could say I find my former self amusing, I was always looking for someone I was comfortable with, someone I could call family. It’s amusing how you really don’t noticed all of the little things about your past friendships until you’re a few years older. I remember having a few friends that I thought would last forever. Now, I only speak to one of them often. Looking back, I can’t comprehend how fast my life has changed, and how many of my friends affected me.

Music has affected me and who I am more than what I realize in the present. Looking back through my life, I see how music has really shaped me to be the person I am today, and it will continue to shape me in the future. Each part of my life has really been a different phase of music, up until a few years ago, when I realized how much of my personality is wrapped around it. I remember switching to a new school, then one I am at now, after going to a different district for my whole life. It was a rough time for me to say the least. I had to start over in a new place, make new friends, and even catch up with the school work. I remember being stressed, and just sitting at home, listening to my iPod. I find comfort in music, it calms me and lets me think about things. During this shift in my life, I remember finding my comfort in metal music. Slipknot to be specific. In a way, I used the harsh, hateful sound to express my feelings about what I was going through. I had a lot of stress on me at the time, and I really wanted to stay in this new school district. Metal was my escape from the world, music that I could put my feelings and hatred into, and by doing so, relieving the stress that I was going through. This way of expressing my feelings taught me things about myself, things that I never even thought to think about before. With music, I could vent. It was were I put all of my feelings. All of the good, and the bad. I still do it to this day, because during that time, I learned that unless I use something to express myself, then things would always get better for me, and I would end up being a better person.

No one thing makes me who I am. It’s the collection of things that do. Those small things that seem meaningless at the time can sometimes make the biggest impact on who you are as a person. My life, who I am, really has no clear plot. It’s a collection of experiences tied together in a big mess. It’s shaped by things that I hold dear, and the lessons I’ve learned about myself and life in my sixteen years living. Small things, like laughing after getting hurt, realizing what I truly wanted in a friend, and how I could escape from reality and vent, made the largest impacts on my life. These things I will always remember, and will always learn from, because they make me who I am.