My stepfather has without a doubt been one of the most influential and important people in my life. I have learned more from him than I have from any teacher in my life, and I cannot begin to express my gratitude for all of the long talks, car rides, and joyful memories I have had and will continue to have with this man. My stepfather has opened my eyes to a new outlook on the world and life itself and has taught me things that have made me a better person and will continue to help me for as long as I live.

I will never forget that day three years ago when this man first entered the doorway to my life. My mother invited him over to meet my brothers and me. Having been long after my parents’ divorce, we were unfamiliar with a male presence in the house and were eager to meet him, but we remained skeptical as well. I had no idea that he would come to mean the world to me as I shook his hand and made the standard awkward conversation people do when meeting someone for the first time. I never could have imagined that years from then, he would be a huge part of my life and would help guide me on the rough journey that lay ahead.

I have had family issues my entire life. My father has bipolar disorder and OCD. He was very unstable up until about a year ago when he finally started to get the help he needed. He is also an alcoholic, and it was very difficult for me growing up to have a strong bond with him. I was never very close with my father, but he is one of the smartest people I know. His passion for knowledge is one quality I will always admire about him, but he was never really there for me when I needed someone. I was bullied in elementary school and I was shy, miserable, and insecure, and my mother was my only refuge. My father would not come home from work until supper time, and then he would drink and fall asleep. It was a huge problem, but at that age I was too innocent and oblivious to the sins of my parents to understand the toll this was taking on me.

In the beginning of freshman year I was diagnosed with moderate-severe depression (my grandmother on my father’s side also had this), and was treated with pills and therapy. I didn’t understand what was happening to me or why I felt such intense suffering in my own mind. I was told that my depression was something I was born with, but it was triggered from a series of traumatic experiences in my childhood. It’s cancerous and inescapable. Once it grabs a hold of you and seeps deep into your soul, you can never be cured. I was born with it, and it was only a matter of time before it really settled in. I felt weak and alone. I thought nobody cared about me and I lost all of my motivation and hope. I wanted to quit; I couldn’t handle the ups and downs of my life and the sadness was eating away at me, forming a giant, black pit of emptiness inside my heart. I felt the coldness of the world around me in lucidity and depth. It is the worst feeling someone can ever experience – to be sad constantly and not even know why.

I struggled with my depression in the absence of my father. I went two years without talking to him and tried my best to cope alone because I hated the grief I was inflicting on others. I also developed resentment toward my father for ruining our family, ruining me, and breaking my heart. I blamed him for my sorrow, although he was just as miserable as me. My mother and therapy helped me, but no one did as much for me as my stepfather.

He really saved my life and I owe the world to him. He was finally someone in my life I could rely on that would not abandon me. He stayed by my side and helped me every step of the way. When I fell, he was there to lift me up on my feet. And most importantly, he never lost faith in me, even when many did. He never gave up no matter how much of a burden I became to my entire family. I hurt my mom and him several times, abused their trust, and ignored their rules. I did anything and everything I could to try to make myself feel okay and isolate myself. I’m ashamed of the way I often acted out on my emotions, and, looking back now, I realize how grateful I am for my stepdad staying strong and protecting me no matter what I did or how difficult I was to manage.

I honestly do not know where I would be today if my stepdad was not a part of my life. He is someone strong and stable, someone who remains calm and cool even in extreme circumstances. My mother was always there for me, but she couldn’t bear to see me in so much pain. She tried to help me the best she could and she is the strongest woman I know, but the severity the situation scared her and she could not handle the stress of dealing with a maladjusted child on top of all of the other struggles within my family. My stepdad was always the one who could calm me down when I had an anxiety attack, pick me up when I ran away, and speak softly to me and hold me when I would break down in tears. He shared with me many moving stories from his lifetime and taught me the importance of being a strong, reliable person. Nobody has ever changed my life the way he did and I will forever be grateful.