You know how bridesmaid dresses have that reputation for just being absolutely awful? Well, I can’t say that they don’t deserve it. I’m not saying that there aren’t some very nice, elegant choices out there for the bride-to-be’s best girls, but my sister Jillian did not pick one of those gorgeous gowns.

I first saw the dress in April, five months before the wedding. Now, one would think that five months would be enough time to talk someone out of making you and five other girls wear this dress. But for my stubborn sister, even five years would not have been enough.

I can’t decide if its color is closer to those of mental hospitals rooms, or to the color of someone’s vomit after they have eaten one spoonful to many of guacamole. This green is so pale, yet so powerful. This green, even without the help of guacamole, could easily make one upchuck if it was looked at for too long. This green should be classified as a torture device.

The dress itself was very plain. Made from chiffon (because everyone wants to see a sheer version of that color), the dress lacked any curves and looked like a rectangle with thick, ivory straps to hold it up. The hem passed our knees. The only thing that made the dress look slightly feminine was the empire waistband, the same thick ivory band expanded inches below where your breasts would end, making it seem as if your boobs had deflated. The dress fit loosely in all the wrong places, and the only location where it was snug was under your arms. This would, in turn, make carrying a bouquet down the aisle very uncomfortable because you were worried that everyone in the pews was staring at your underarm fat.

I cannot say what my sister saw in these dresses, never mind the color. These questions will keep me up at night for the rest of my life, for I don’t think that I will ever have an answer to them and understand her decision. But, one good thing did come from this experience. I was put in the awful shoes (don’t even get me started on the shoes she chose!) of a bridesmaid, and I will be sure not to put my girls through that much mental and psychological distress on my wedding day.