I didn't look back. I didn't want to. Why have that heart aching picture as my last memory of him? Tears flooded down my face like the rain falling down our car window. I clutched my own bended legs and hugged them tightly to my chest. I buried my head into the cracks of my knees trying to hide from myself what I had just lost.

One day later I found myself at an exhausting swimming pool, warming up to race in the biggest meet of the year. Usually by this point my stomach would be filled with energetic butterflies flapping away like their lives depended on it. There were no butterflies, there was no flapping, and he was gone. As tears dissolved into the chlorinated water, a flashback of his presence before we was gone flooded into my blurred mind.

“Rachel, this is for you.” He handed me a folded piece of paper. “Tomorrow is your biggest meet and I am not going to be there to watch you swim. But, here is a note; read it right before your race and remember to swim your heart out.” I took the note from his hand and squeezed it, so I would never lose it. I looked at him hard. His suit, his funny haircut, his mixed-emotion filled eyes, and realized that I only had a few short moments more. I then glanced out the car window trying to hide my tears from him, trying to be strong.

Returning to reality, I pulled myself out of the thick water. I took a long breathe from the so called easy warm up. I headed towards where my team was sitting, so I could finally open up the treasure box and read the gold which he had wrote me. As I passed my friends with heads down giving their all to visualize their races I found my bag, and dug deep into it, until I found my racing cap and my treasure: a half-wet folded piece of paper that I had been waiting anxiously to read. These were going to be the first words I had heard from him since goodbye. I strangled the note and was hit by déjà vu. Another memory instantly replayed itself in my mind.

I strangled the door as I forced myself to push it open. A tear dropped to the ground as I peered over to step my hesitant legs out of the car. I nudged my unwilling body out the last place I would be with him for what seemed like forever. I looked at his apprehensive face, ready to go into the Missionary Training Center for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I bit my lip until it bled as he came over to me smiling and then hugged me for the last time. I wanted this to be the last moment I remembered of him until I saw him again.

Shaking him out of my head, I stepped behind the block. My race was next, so I quickly placed my cap and goggles in the perfect position. I peeled the note open, and read. Tears silently fell from my face as I read the words, “I will only be gone for a short time, I love you so much. Two years is nothing compared to eternity.” As I finished the note I looked up to see it was my turn, my turn to make my brother proud. My turn to swim my heart out. I stepped up to the block with only one thing in mind, my brother. “Take your mark”, the official called. This was it, it was my turn. Strength filled my veins as I thought of him for the last time.

I slowly fell back into the seat of the car, missing what I had just seen. Knowing he was still in my view I didn’t dare to look back. I didn’t want to look to see him walking away for two years. All I wanted was to remember the last moment of him. I pulled my knees to my chest, buried my face, and hoped tomorrow would be a better day.

I dove into the water, feeling the cold H20 gathering itself around my body as I passed through it as fast I could. First 50; I saw out of the corner of my eye that all my opponents were right next to each other. I had to speed up. Second 50, I and the girl in the left lane were starting to increase the distance from our opponents in the other lanes. Third 50, my arms were crying out in pain, my legs were kicking their limit, and I wanted to roll over to deteriorate. Then I remembered my golden words, and I remembered my brother. Fourth and last 50, I swam for him. As the wall was coming closer and closer to my grasp I stretched my strokes to extent which made my time faster than the girl next to me. I did it, I did it for him and I knew he was proud.