Goodbye For Now | Teen Ink

Goodbye For Now

January 25, 2011
By mattb BRONZE, St Charles, Illinois
mattb BRONZE, St Charles, Illinois
1 article 5 photos 0 comments

This story is dedicated is dedicated to Quincee Miller, whose artistic and writing talents were beyond any teenagers that I have ever met. She took her life on October 20th 2010 at age 15 and she will never be forgotten.

I slowly lowered my foot to the ground. My body trembled as I slid out of the car. I stared at the building that said “Ginger Creek Church” and all the people dressed in black who cautiously made their way inside. As I watched, my heart sank knowing that October 24th would be the hardest day of my life.

I followed my two friends to the door of the church where others greeted us with hugs and tears. I embraced my friends for what seemed like hours and then we slowly made our way inside. Hundreds of people filled the room; all of them in black and gray. We were each handed a card and the front read “Quincee Barnes-Miller. January 4, 1995 - October 20, 2010. If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever…” I looked back up after reading the card; pictures of all sizes covered the walls and sobs filled the air. We made our way around to the first bunch of pictures and tears came streaming down my face. Two pictures stood out to me in the hundreds that were there. The first was a picture of Quincee and me from when we walked around Geneva together on a cold winter night. The second was a panoramic and the motions she held up seemed to say “I love you”.

Over the course of the next hour or two, I hugged and cried over a whole new set of friends who arrived later than I did. Then finally the ushers opened the doors to the sanctuary and my heart dropped once more. My friends Reid and Morganne grabbed me by the hand and we entered to room. There was a long line of people in there waiting and we got in quickly. From where we were standing, I could see my good friend’s coffin; it was a shiny gray color with metallic silver handles. We slowly inched forward as the line made their way past the coffin. Screams of pain filled the air as they saw her body. People fell to the ground from the experience. Finally we were at the front of the line. My heart raced and I took the last few steps up to see Quincee. As I approached, I saw so many familiar features of how my friend had expressed herself when we would hang out. Her body laid there cold and motionless in her tie-dye sweatshirt that I had seen so many times. She wore her twenty bracelets that I had played with so many times before. Her hair was teased the way she always had it; she always tried to look her best. Her eyes were closed and there was no expression on her face. That’s what hurt the most. Whenever we hung out, she always had a smile on her face. She always laughed. But now there was no emotion or expression; nothing to let me know that she was still my close friend. My legs wobbled and I couldn’t breathe. Waterfalls flew out of my eyes as I held onto my friends so I wouldn’t fall. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, we left and took a seat. My friends, Morganne, Marj, Kayleigh, and I cried together for close to a half hour. None of us could comprehend how someone who always seemed so happy could take their own life.

Hours past after seeing our friend’s body, and we began to socialize with other teenagers we knew that had arrived. Finally the priest of the church made an announcement, saying that everyone should take their seats because the service would start shortly. I sat down with a large group of my friends, my arms already around my friends Zoe and Thala because they were getting choked up. As Quincee’s Grandmother took the stage I began to tremble once more. She spoke of all the times that Quincee and her had spent making Christmas cookies together and how she would miss all their memories. While she gave her Eulogy, I couldn’t help but think of all memories Quincee and I had made over the years that we had known each other. I could feel my heart tearing as I remembered our times at River fest, church, walking around downtown, watching movies and so much more. Streams of water ran down my cheeks and began to create a puddle in my lap. Quincee’s mom then took the stage and read a poem that Quincee had once written. It spoke of a black rose in field of daisies. The lonely rose just swayed in the wind thinking of its crushed hopes as the daisies all danced together. When Quincee’s mom read the words “I am that black rose, ugly if you will…” I choked while trying to hold in a loud cry. Thala quickly put her face into my chest as if she was trying to hide from what the poem was saying. The poem went on to talk about Quincee’s pain and struggles and then finally ended. It was as if my whole world had just ended. How could no one see the pain she had inside? How could no one see her loneliness? Later a few songs were played that brought tears to many people’s eyes and you could hear the congregation weep as one. The priest gave a speech about how amazing Quincee was and how the teenagers of the world need to stick together to avoid this ever happening again. I couldn’t bear to even think about what it would be like if another friend of mine took their life… Soon after his sermon, the priest asked for us to all sit in silence as the body of my close friend was taken away. I took one last look at Quincee as her coffin was taken out of the room. As her body left, so did the remaining pieces of my broken heart, which would be buried with my friend. I gave the friends I sat with exceedingly long hugs and cried out my last few tears on them all. Soon after, I left the church to make my way home, still feeling the empty hole in my chest.

I got into my car with my mom and turned on the radio. We drove down the road and I gazed out the window into the sky. There was a full moon behind a haze of clouds hanging prominently in the sky. There was lightning in the distance that sent flashes of light across the horizon every thirty seconds. As I stared at the beautiful night sky, the radio sang “A time passes by, direction unknown; you've left us now but we're not alone. Before you know it your cups overflown, you measured no one that I've ever known and it's quite alright and goodbye for now. Just look up to the stars and believe who you are cause it's quite alright and so long, goodbye”

The author's comments:
I wrote this essay for my Honors English class a week after my good friend commited suicide. Though many friends have told me that its very good, I want an outside opinion. Please share both good and bad comments

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