I never expected to wake up one day to hear the news that my great-grandmother had passed. 

My great-grandmother was a fiery, invincible, kindhearted woman who cared deeply for each one of her grandchildren. For as long as I can remember, she had always been there for me, whether going to my kindergarten graduation, after-school soccer games, or picking me up from school when my stomach hurt. No matter the day or situation I knew she would always stand beside me, however, the day she got sick turned my whole life upside down. 

Within days of her diagnosis, she had been moved a dozen or more times in and out of hospitals. I would spend days waiting for her to come home, excited to see her progress, only to be turned away because I wouldn’t understand. Over the coming weeks, I began making cards hoping I could get the darkening cloud hanging over her head to brighten. I had always been told that the doctors knew what they were doing and there was no need for me to worry so I slowly began to forget she was even sick. She would survive like my parents said, so what was the point of worrying?

After a few weeks, she was finally moved into my aunt’s house which I later discovered would be her permanent home. At the time I never understood why the conversations between my family members became hushed and private when regarding my great-grandmother's health. The hospice nurses would visit every day providing check-ups and prescribing additional medication. My family, especially my grandma, started looking tired and worried like all their hope had been taken. I wanted to help more than anything but I was never given the chance. My parents eventually decided it would be best to visit. When I first walked into the room where my great-grandmother was staying, I immediately saw the woman who used to be stronger than anything lying helpless in bed. Nothing I could do at that moment seemed right even saying “hi” felt wrong. 

The next time I was allowed to speak with her I passed on the opportunity because seeing her struggling was difficult. Day after day I kept telling myself she would get better, however, soon after my last visit with her I had an unsettling feeling yet I still refused to visit. I didn’t know how close the end was at the time so weeks eventually turned into months before I gained the courage to visit her again. When I explained to my parents that I wanted to visit her again, their faces were confused. They sat my siblings and me down, which is when the realization hit me. My great-grandmother was gone and during the weeks I spent trying to get away from her I missed the opportunity for a final goodbye. 

In March of 2022, my great-grandmother died due to complications with pneumonia among other things. For months I blamed myself for not trying harder to visit when she became sick not knowing those visits would be the last we had together. Death often shatters thriving, happy people into broken pieces that struggle to be healed. While dying is part of life surrounding each person, some encounters with death are more influential than others. My great-grandmother’s death was an experience that impacted my view of life and death the most, however, years went by before the realization hit me. 

This experience signaled a turning point in my life. Not only did it affect how I looked at losing someone, but it also helped me realize the purpose of life is to find joy in one’s pursuits and relationships. When I first heard of my great-grandmother’s death, I wanted to isolate myself so I didn’t have to face the reality that she was gone, however, hiding from the truth ultimately hurt me in the end. The days I spent waiting for her to get better never happened which made me reconsider the amount of time I tried to spend with her in those final moments. The word death is often regarded as negative and the ending of one’s life, on the other hand, it can also be seen as positive. When I think about how I handled everything from the funeral to visitations, I realize I began to put myself before others. Ever since losing my great-grandmother a few years ago, my mindset has changed for the better. 

I have begun to cherish more of the little things in life, especially those that could be gone in the blink of an eye. My great-grandmother’s death has made me consider how I want to remember others. Do I want the memories I have left of my grandparents or the important people in my life to be those I would regret years later, or should I make the most of them? I’ve learned that we should live life to the fullest because you never know how close the end may be for anyone and my great-grandmother is a prime example of that. Learning of a loved one’s death can be seen as a hard thing to deal with however, don’t make the same mistake that I did. Cherish the moments and time left with loved ones because the last time could be right around the corner.