Dear 12 year old Eshana,

You’re currently in love with skating and just made your dream team, and I am incredibly proud of you. You’ve worked so hard to be where you are and I know you’ll continue to drive yourself to get even better. Right now skating is where you go to be at peace and the rink is like a second home. It’s a place for you to escape the craziness of the world around you, and I’m so glad you have that place to go when things are tough. And no matter how hard practice may seem here and there, it is still a place for you to go away from the real world where it only mattered that you were able to skate. Because all you want to do is skate. I know it means a lot to you and it means a lot to me now that you have that second home with your team and coaches. But now, 16 year old Eshana quit skating going into my senior season. And I know that would hurt you because I know you couldn’t imagine your life without skating. And trust me, it still stings now, but I know it’s for the best. I don’t have the same passion and love for skating anymore. The rink was no longer the place I wanted to always be, instead, it was the last place I wanted to be. It became so mentally and physically exhausting to be on SLJR. Although that team meant so much to me, it hurt me so much. It made me feel so bad about myself. It made me scared to be myself. I would constantly wonder why they didn’t want me around or what was wrong with me. I tried to fit in and every time I thought it worked, I would see them hanging out without me. I would always be by myself, at first it made me cry but at some point, I just accepted it because it was inevitable. During that last season, it felt like everything was falling apart: my team was getting last place and I wasn’t having fun. Nothing good was coming out of skating anymore. After I quit, I realized that synchro wasn’t everything. I didn’t need the people in my life who excluded me or the sport where I consistently didn’t place. I had good school friends who actually liked me and wanted me around. I didn’t have to worry about the pain of doing worse than I expected or the constant judgment of the skating world.  Skating was weighing me down and although it hurt, quitting made me appreciate the good things in my life. It was a huge part of my life and I will never forget that, but it’s time for me to move on to the next chapter of my life. And 12 year old Eshana don’t lose your love for skating quite yet and cherish it while you have it.