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Scars
Memories can have a really big impact on our lives and play a big role in the way we are. There are many kinds of memories that make you feel a certain way, there are those that bring a smile to your face, others that make you laugh and cringe at the embarrassment, and many more that can make you reminisce for a long time, but then there are the memories that many times you wish you could just forget and erase them from history. Those kinds of memories are the ones that go beyond a simple feeling or emotion and can turn into trauma. However, it is our responsibility to overcome those wounds that life leaves on us and not let them turn into trauma but instead into a testimony. For example, in my childhood I was always a joyful and positive kid that always had a smile, but as I got older I started to change drastically after going through rough experiences such as domestic violence and physical abuse from my step-father. My step father had a temper and would erupt for the smallest mistakes, which would lead him to take it all out on me, my mother, and brother. I started to grow a hatred for my step father as I would come to see him hit my mother many times and knowing that there was nothing I could do to stop him since he was much bigger. My brother and I both grew a fear of asking our step-father for anything since it could end up with someone getting hurt and it started to affect the way we were able to express ourselves outside as well. Many of those experiences we lived had turned into traumatic memories that held us back in many areas of our youth and even changed the way we were. As I entered highschool I saw that my household was broken, and home was the last place that I wanted to be, which drove me to grow apart from my family. In search of an escape from my home I fell into drug addictions, theft, vandalism, and aggression towards others. In the moment I believed that I was free from my problems and that I was at peace with myself, but then I started to feel a deep loneliness and thought that my life had no purpose. Nothing I would do was enough to satisfy me anymore and no matter how much I would try to distract myself by smoking more or even having relationships, I still was not enough to fill the void I had inside my soul. My past had played a big role in my problem and those memories were wounds that I had let turn into trauma, which then had taken me to become a completely different person that not only damaged myself, but also my loved ones and especially my mother. I then knew that I needed to make a change in my life and that if there was one place that could help me change, it would be the church that I had grown up in. As I started to go to church and heard about God’s Word, I realized that if I truly wanted to be freed from those traumas and to be cured of the wounds, I first had to surrender my life into God’s hands and obey His Word. As I started to take my communion with God seriously, I was able to forgive my step-father and I no longer had a need to do drugs, vandalize, steal, or do anything that was wrong in order to be happy, but all I needed was God. It was not as easy as it sounds to give everything up and give my life to Christ, but I am grateful every day of my life that I was given an opportunity to live a new life. After seeing how God had changed my life I knew that I wanted to give to others what God had given to me, and that is when I received my calling to serve God on the altar as a pastor and save souls. I can now confidently say that our past does not determine who we become, but if we decide to place our lives in God’s hands then He will change those traumas into testimonies so that others may also be freed from the past.
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This piece talks about how the past can either be an open wound forever or can become a beautiful scar and a great lesson.