Slit. I held the open scissors toward my throat. Blood

Gasp. I held my breath hoping I won’t wake up tomorrow. I can’t breathe.

Inhale. I put my head underwater. Please engulf me. 

Thump. I looked at the ground from my parent’s second-floor balcony.

I was tired and exhausted. 

I didn’t feel alive. I felt as though I was out of my body. I looked down at my hands but I didn’t think they were mine. I purposely grew out my fingernails so that I could pinch myself to feel “more” alive. I barely survived school. Hoodies and sweatshirts were my best friends. I put my hoodie down and stared at the ground as I moved throughout my school campus. When I did wear something besides hoodies and sweatshirts, my friends would proudly exclaim, “Mina! You finally dressed up today!” 

It was a vicious cycle. Trying to explain my feelings of depression and anxiety to my friends and family seemed pointless. They couldn’t possibly solve the problem. They could only hear me out. No one was able to help me. When I tried to resolve the issues on my own, I was incapable of doing so; being active didn’t work; doing things recommended by therapists didn’t work; having time with my family didn’t work; putting on a happy facade didn’t work. Reality grew ever scarier each second, and slowly, I was losing patience with myself and eventually, I lost total trust in my own abilities and myself even. 

In such a sense, I approached religion as my last resort. What first started with the daily quiet times led by youth pastors at my church, I soon found myself seeking more fellowships via Friday nights, joint worship nights, and Sunday sermons. It was through these holistic times my mentality started to improve yet once again. God gave me the opportunity to trust in myself once again and He allowed me to defeat anxiety and depression. He even gave me the strength to lend help to others who were struggling.

During the summer of 2023, God provided me with a week's worth of time to meet the Navajo Nation and  lead around forty to fifty children with different backgrounds to betterment at my best capabilities. First, I was assigned the role of a nurse. I took out the children’s splinters and provided first aid. Then, I became a playmate with the children. I played basketball with Joshua, Isaiah, Santiago, and Jeremiah, and spent hours playing water games with the children. Lastly, I assumed the role of an older sister, whom kids can rely upon; I had countless conversations with Shandeen and Jasmine about their lives; I provided delicious Korean food. My priority during this trip was to guide and lend help to the children. I knew that I couldn’t possibly heal their mental health or physically help them be happy, but I knew that simple gestures like providing Korean food or simply listening to their individual stories could make a big difference in their lives. 

Through this trip, I truly believe that I was able to create one or two happy memories for the children in Navajo Nation. Personally, I was able to learn that I was able to heal another person, something that I haven't known prior to meeting God, who helped me in a sense nobody else could do so. This is why I will earnestly say religion has special meaning for me, even if some claim that religion in the 21st century is no longer needed due to the development of sciences: It is God who saved me and He is the one who made me realize what I am capable of and who I am.