Looking back on the never-ending roundabout of my life, I find myself obliged to share the moments that have shaped me into the person I am today. Buckle up as you embark on a journey of mistakes, disappointment, and lots of tears, but through all of this heartache, there's so much love and laughter I would have ever imagined. It all began three years ago when I entered this hellhole when I got involved with boys. Growing up as a christian girl we were always taught to be careful around boys. Looking back now they should have cemented that in my brain. 

I was 16 when I got my first boyfriend, my first love, my ride-or-die kind of love. I was head over heels in love with him and he was too. It was great, life was great. I thought “Boys aren’t that bad, pretty great actually” I would soon come to regret that. A year of happiness and love turned dark and depressing very quickly. As if I was an ornament dropped on the floor, shattered into a million pieces. There was no way of putting me back together. After that is when I entered this never-ending loop I seem to never be able to get out of. One after another no one seemed to be enough, as if I had become the person taking these fragile ornaments into my hands and just smashing them into the ground. I became the thing that broke me. It was a never-ending loop. I had fallen into a dark hole after this. I hated myself to the core. Hated myself for everything I’d done. Hated life. 

A never-ending loop. I cried out to God asking him to get me out of this. Why should he though? Have I been good? No, I haven’t. I didn’t deserve the mercy of God. I laid in bed for months telling myself I'm not worthy. I kept smashing myself on the ground over and over again not letting myself heal. It was a battle between me vs. me. A never-ending loop. 

After drowning myself in tears for months I had enough. I couldn’t live my life like this. I had to finally take the exit and get out of this mess. It took all the strength out of me and what became the biggest spiritual battle of my life. With God everything is possible. After I had made that decision, it truly felt like I had a house lifted off my shoulders. I chose to fight and that’s all God wants from us. After being lost for so long I saw that little light at the end of the tunnel. I saw God's hand.

I noticed so many blessings that started coming into my life. Blessing I didn’t think was possible to have anymore. Life felt right again. Don’t get me wrong though, it's not sunshine and rainbows, life is still hard but the difference is that I'm fighting. 

If you take anything away from this let it be this. Don’t play with boys, you’ll start a fire you won't be able to put out, and if you already have, don't keep throwing gas into it. Life is hard and sometimes we get thrown into something we never wanted but we have to deal with it and fight our way out. As morbid as it was going through my lowest point in life, I'm so thankful that I did. I learned so many lessons through my trial. I found myself and what I'm capable of. I'm so much stronger for it. 

My never-ending loop, finally ended.