Routine, repetition, and Consistency. There are so many consistent factors in my life and I struggle every day to determine whether it brings me comfort or restlessness. This is what I carry. Without these 3 values, I fear my demise. Too afraid to even attempt a break in this routine, repetition, and consistency, this restraint breeds anxiety. Keep the good, cut out the bad - impossible, there can’t be breaks in the consistency. The routine isn’t the routine without the repetition, the repetition isn’t the repetition without the consistency. Held together by my fragile efforts yet contradicted by my wish for change.
Jewelry is among the easiest to keep consistent. The same earrings, necklaces, and bracelets, simply don't take them off and you receive consistency. Perhaps some may catch that the glimmer of the gold links holding each other together depicts the bond between family. Or say the silver jewels lining the heart-shaped pendant which dangles at its end demonstrate the valuable moments my grandmother has given me. The royal amethyst heart that finds itself along the jewels is a defining piece, she influenced me to become that defining piece and stick out as the unique figure in the crowd. Although my second chain, one of dull gray appearance, tells a different story. A sadder story. A story of loss and grief. When asked where it's from, all I say is my brother didn’t want it and gave it to me. This isn’t a lie, but it avoids why I hold it with such personal value. The plain, masculine nature of this jewelry keeps it simple, so similar to my brother. A marker of the first time I felt close with him as death brought us together. These necklaces are no more than metal and gems, but I find them priceless for the pinnacles they represent in my life. They bring consistency to the moments of inconsistency I’ve overcome.
The beads and string around my wrists hold the consistency of friendship. Deep indigo beads strung on elastic given to me by the person who remains the most stable source of comfort I’ve known. She used to break my consistency, repetition, and routine. Sudden trips, dinners, and walks she sprung on me, I would take with open arms., neglecting my responsibilities. My comfort outside the consistency, my oxygen helmet in space, she absorbs the inconsistency I fear and takes my anxiety. My safety blanket who has now become a part of the routine, repetition, and consistency. Work, school, and life, she's always there. Without her, I’m now exposed to the inconsistency, and it burns and takes my breath away.
The clock ticks behind me as I sit in the same place I sit every day during this fleeting hour. Except it isn't fleeting. Each of the hours drags on as if they were days or weeks. The chair under me is the same as every other class. The table, the people, the air, and the view are all unsurprisingly familiar. This consistency could bring comfort but somehow breeds anxiety. As if I was stuck in a cycle of mundane, repetitive, tedious moments. The cycle may end at a month's notice, only to begin again soon after. I wonder if this is an issue of the education system or perhaps just life.
Love is present in the consistency. She is the color of autumn but with the spirit of summer. Her eyes are a deep brown like coffee beans. Her long floppy ears and wagging tail display her emotions as she doesn't need to say a word nor can she for that matter. Although she has all the qualities of a dog, she acts more like a cat or a horse. Huge but gentle, yet quick and cunning. Those who have met her understand what I mean, she is unique just like her name, Harriet. Refuses to leave the house, go on walks, or try new things, I can depend on her being home, being my home, my consistency. Same excitement to see me, no matter how long or far I was gone. The embodiment of my consistency.
Jewelry, friends, dogs, and school are far more important than they may appear. For Jewelry is family, friends and dogs are unconditional love, and school is control. Family, love, and control are the primary forms of my consistency. The key points supporting my life are evident in every step of my routine, repetition, and consistency.