The Death of My Joy | Teen Ink

The Death of My Joy

March 23, 2021
By Anonymous

As the darkness shines brightly and the light turns black, a perfect day turned out to be the worst while all I could see was black. Then my sight turned red because all I wanted was revenge. Now it is blue looking back on everything that happened before.  
My family and I went to my uncle’s house for a visit. Me and my cousin have not seen each other in a while. I decided Uno might be fun and a way to catch up with him. Unfortunately, the game turned competitive quickly. But I would not expect anything different from him, that is just how we were raised. Gary, my cousin, was desperate to win. But luck was on my side this time. I played a black plus four, a red reverse, and a blue six to end the game. He sits there for a second, confused and sad he mumbles “I lose again.” I gave a huge confident smile, it seemed as if I would never lose.  
“How are you so good at this” he asked. 
“I have luck on my side today and you don’t." 
“Come on how about one more game?” 
“Fine if you want to lose again so be it.” 
I won again and gave him another smile and this time he gave me one back. He finally realized today is just not his day. Gary stood up to grab his shoes and his wallet. He asked if I wanted to go to the store with him. I shook my head no and went to go grab my phone.  
“We will finish this game later” he stated proudly. 
I guess he really did not learn anything from what I said, “I can't wait.” 
He walked out the door as if this were the best day of his life. I played a couple of games on my phone to pass time. It was oddly silent throughout the house and before I knew it fifteen minutes had passed. I had a bad feeling that something happened. It should not have taken this long; the store was close to the house and never crowded. My mom and brother walked in from another room. They both hugged me.  
Confused, I ask them “Why are you hugging me.” 
"Gary is in the hospital and it doesn't seem like he will make it” my mom cried. 
Right when I heard those words I could not breathe, see, or hear. All I saw was darkness, all I heard was ringing, and it felt like I was breathing in carbon dioxide. I constantly grabbed the air trying to pull it back to my lungs. I tried to move or even blink, but nothing worked. I felt like I was drowning in my thoughts of what I should have done to prevent this. Lady Luck, why did you have to be on my side instead of his? 
“Take me to where he is.” 
“Are you sure” asked my brother. 
“I have to see for myself.” 
She nods and drives us to the hospital. We rush in to try to see him as fast as we can. My mom finished the paperwork, and we were let in the room and there I saw him lying in a hospital bed. All my feelings fled my heart and my body. But I had one feeling that I could not let go. Revenge changed my eyesight to red and killed off any love I had for anyone. All I wanted was to confront the killer and look at him in his eyes. I wanted to make the killer feel loneliness and the pain of loss. Looking back at everything now maybe he was the lucky one. He does not have to experience the guilt and pain of loss. He does not have to feel the emptiness inside. Or the loss of feelings. Either way I am glad I met Gary even if it was for a brief time. I may feel sadness and only see blue, but I am glad he was here for me in the first place. 


The author's comments:

My memoir is about the death of my cousin


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