I was never told the full story. All I know is, they got divorced and my father never came back. I hardly ever see him and the memories I have are not good. 

I am a gymnast. Once at one of my competitions, he walked in dressed in a football jersey and was clearly pretty drunk.  He sounded weird and just didn’t look like my dad. When I was competing, I could hear him screaming. I wasn’t sure if it was for me or the game on his phone. Either way, I felt disappointed and embarrassed he was my dad. This was the first time I ever felt that way about my father. 

But I didn’t let his choices distract me. I talked to my friends and focused, blocking him out. He must have noticed because all of a sudden I looked up and he was gone. I thought it was over.

When my mom and I were leaving the competition we got to the car and realized that all of her bumper stickers had been ripped off and placed in different places. She told me it was probably my dad. I always knew he had a problem, but I had never seen him that bad before. 

I have had this pain in my heart like a thousand knives going through my body because of him. Because of all the bad actions he had made. He won’t get help or let anyone else help him.  I’m afraid that something really bad might happen to him. 

 My mom found someone else and they have been together for about a year and a half. He isn’t a bad guy.  He is actually super fun and cool, but it just isn’t the same. He isn’t my dad.  

I started therapy to help with everything going on in my head.  It helped, but then we just stopped going. I still continue to give myself good and positive energy in my life. At 12 years old, I feel better than before.  

 What I learned from all of this is that I am a strong kid. Not every kid goes through this kind of stuff.  They have their own problems in life. I realized that I don’t need him and things will always get better, not necessarily worse.  I realize him leaving, has been for the better. I know that there is a tiny part of my heart, still waiting for the call that he has changed. My life will never be the same as before but who cares? It is time for the next chapter in my life.   Most importantly, I learned to not let the negativity rule my life. People are going through this just like I am and I’m not going to let him or anyone stop me from being the best person I can be.  I am like a wrecking ball waiting for my next obstacle.