I defeated the monster. I no longer own the secrets I was once forced to keep. Growing up, I was terrified of a monster in my closet, little did I know there was a monster. Just not in my closet, but in my bed. I spent countless night upon night stuck in an unsafe situation, scared to say anything. This past school year, my junior year has been both the best year and hardest year of my life. Some days, I spent rejoicing in steps I had taken in healing and fear I had conquered, other days, I cried all day, I could feel my heart breaking under the weight of the enormity of the abuse I was forced to relive. Being a victim is temporary. Becoming a survivor sounds impossible, but it is possible. It takes so much hard work, at times it doesn’t even feel worth the hard work, but it is worth the hard work. Healing is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I think it’s safe to say, will ever do. It is ugly. It is painful. It is endless. It is worth it. In my case, I had to go a solid 9 months with no rest stop in sight. I could see no light at the end of the tunnel. I constantly felt like I was trapped in a dark tunnel with no light, and I somehow had to find my way out all by myself. I tried to rush through healing at times. I tried to do it all by myself at times. I learned throughout those last 9 months of school to trust, truly trust God. I used to blame God for everything that has happened to me. I learned he never left me. He held my hand all those years. He cried all my tears with me. I was never alone, just blinded to his presence. I have reached my first rest stop, true rest stop. Along the way, I tried to give myself breaks, but that's a struggle. I know I still have a long way to go, many more steps to take. I know God will continue to be by my side.