My world stopped. Feeling the pains of everyone started to drown my thoughts. My body felt similar to a sunken ship and my heart started beating out of my chest. He would travel 650 miles to the East Coast with little communication. Walking into my hideaway, my world remained small with every breath. Sitting quietly in my newly refinished room, I slowly turned on my overhead light that calmly swarmed the rooms darkness. Not much color came through as almost everything in there stood gray: gray bedding, gray desk, gray rugs, gray flooring.
Starting to feel the heat of my own body evaporate from my skin, the long gray sweatshirt that hung below my knees hovered over me. I couldn’t take the pain of the burning breath of anxiety down my back any longer. Feeling as if my eyes would open in the near future, I imagined myself laying on the floor, not knowing what happened. The dark gray rug stared aimlessly at me: it anxiously waited for me to fall with a thud. Gray walls became lighter as my yellow light above me flickered out. I knew what came next.

The sudden rush of the faux summer weather first signaled me. My body felt as if it produced more sweat than it could hold as I wiped my forehead to cool me down; instead, I burned the top of my hand. Gently, I rested my heavy head into my shivering palms with no control.

The world felt as if it spun in slow motion. Slowly rotating to a point, I felt similar to Neil Armstrong on the moon without much gravity. Mascara deprived, my eyes couldn’t move slower. I felt as if I took the abilities of Flash and could phase through my desk chair and vinyl flooring by the way I shook.

My legs anchored my feet as if they held a boat in the sandy bottom. I sat there in agony and despair. Patiently waiting for this absurd feeling to pass, silence surrounded my gray life. I waited and waited, deeply breathing and focusing on what I still needed to do that night until I couldn’t take the heat anymore.

I stood up to take off my sweatshirt that trapped me. Before I could, my head wanted something different. Forcing myself to sit back down, I waited until my body and my head agreed on something. No way I wanted my parents to come upstairs and see their daughter hide her anxiety. Ideas and futures sprung around my head, dancing the polka in their gray dresses and shoes. The thoughts kept on bouncing while the symptoms started to slowly dwindle away: the heat, the slowness, the shakiness. He wants the Navy, the Navy wants him even more.

“Craig told me that I can call and commit at any time!” His smile opened wider than I have ever seen, his eyes gleamed as he spoke those words, his whole body relaxed as he knew everything would change drastically.

 
“That’s awesome! When will you? Are you excited? Is it a relief? I’m so excited for you!” Jumping up and down repeatedly on the gravel, I thought about everything that went into this decision.
All his hard work, finally paying off.
All his scars, finally something to not worry about.
All his writing, finally put to the side.
All the pain and waiting, washed away.
I knew how much effort he put in to receiving what he wanted. I knew how proud I felt and the joyfulness my whole family experienced. He proved to me that no matter how crazy, no matter what distance, I must always strive for what I believe in, for what I want, because minds remain the most powerful thing and I can do whatever I set my mind to.

Opening my eyes, the memory faded away into my green and blue pillows: they rested neatly on my bed I made that morning. The colorful paintings and photos on the wall came back to life as they danced in front of me to the beat of soothing music that played through my teal speaker. My body did this to me to show me something. I needed to learn to appreciate and cherish every moment. No one can take anything for granted because once they do, nothing seems to go the way they want. Nothing seems to work out in their favor. If you use every moment in time to do something useful for yourself or others, your life will fulfill in the future. You won't stay stuck on the little commodities that will subside because everything has to fall somewhere before it can rise again and gain strength. We just need to follow the crazy rollercoaster that we call life and ride it out.

He will come back, do what he has always wanted, fly those planes, and continue on with his life with a new perspective on the world and people. Life will throw obstacles, we just need to learn to climb over. My pulse returned back to normal. My hands suddenly stopped shaking at the thought of every little frightening thing. Starting to cool down, the draft of the air from the fan above me swooshed around my body. It created the breeze that made the colorful carnations in the vase dance. It created the breeze that made the light blue fringes on my throw blanket sway. Have you ever felt like you could dance with the cloud or move freely with the wind? Have you realized that the world can exist as a colorful and lively environment? Have you ever changed through one simple moment in time? I have.