I don’t quite know how to explain the events that make up what has happened, but what is happening is driving me crazy. They say that time flies when you're having fun, but it seems like all of time is flying by and I don’t understand why.

Sometimes I think about how at the beginning of the week it feels like the clock is always slow, but it's over before I know it, then it expands to me thinking about how the month of September is already over then it makes me realize how fast summer ended then I think about how i’m already halfway done with Highschool. I don’t like how I can think about all of the things i’ve ever done in a few minutes and how fast it seems like the 12 years or things I can remember flew by without knowing it.

I don’t like doing the same thing as everyone else, it seems boring so I try to do something else but with school and sports and other things, I fall in line with a set schedule dictated around getting stuff done. It seems to happen almost naturally like when I want to hang out with friends or go out somewhere I have to pick a time and it has to work out for everyone's “schedule” so even the fun stuff seems planned in one way or another. Living by a weekly schedule makes everything so slow during the process but when im done with that list or series of events it feels like it only took a few minutes or hours to really do everything, and it messes with my head when I try to figure out where that time went.

I wasn't aware of this happening until I got to highschool. Before highschool everything I can remember at the time felt like a normal pace and everything made sense, it didn't seem to go too fast. Thinking about it now middle school seems like it took about three days even though I can remember specific events and things I did during that time. While I was in middle school I don’t remember things seeming to go so fast, maybe even slow, and the whole experience was definitely not memorable even though some things I will remember for a long time. The same question keeps coming up, why does it feel like so much time passed so fast?

The idea I got for this phenomena was just a few weeks ago, this year during football I probably did more stuff that any year before, It felt like I had more weightlifting, individual camps and walking than any year before and to add on to that, I had a part time job over the summer, so my schedule (im starting to hate that word) got really busy. So with all of that going on I started getting the mindset to take everything day-by-day and hour-by-hour so things wouldn't get too overwhelming and it made things easier. I haven't been to that job for months and now footballs almost over, I literally changed my mindset for things to make it easier because there was so much I had to do, but now that I got it all done, how come it doesn't feel like five months of the year but more like the span of a few weeks, I know it took about five months for it to happen, I was there, but I can't believe how fast it went and why it felt so fast, even though it was a mental battlefield through all that time. During all of this stuff happening, with football and a job and friends and doing stuff, it felt like I had too much to do but now it feels like I didn't do enough.

I have come to realize that the past is just that, the past. There's nothing I can do to get that time back or make it better or fix mistakes. I do know that if I really want to, I can make memories that are better and more fun more often. There is a song that came to mind recently called “Time” by Pink Floyd with a verse that goes “one day you find that 10 years have got behind you, no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun” and that really made me think, When do I start to run? Where do I go? What do I do? I used to think the answer to that question would solve itself and I would be alright, now I realize how I need to find something with a purpose that may not be the most financially stable or the best choice but I want it to be interesting and important and an experience. It might disappoint everyone who thinks i’m a “great student” or whatever but I just need to do something that I want with nobody telling me how to do it. College was a good idea until I thought about how I will have four years to learn something that may or may not get me a good job or out of debt then I thought about how that will put me in a hole so I gotta work until I retire when i'm old. Screw that, I’ll live now and instead of looking back at 50 years of a repeat schedule, i'll look back at a life filled with whatever I decide is worth it.