My First Love | Teen Ink

My First Love

August 7, 2018
By Reincarnated SILVER, Chinle, Arizona
Reincarnated SILVER, Chinle, Arizona
6 articles 1 photo 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"To see, or to not, you're hurt overall. To be, or to not, I will be your hero when you fall. To love, or to not, I am here forever after all."


You lie 6-feet under. 

You lie in my head, and around my neck. 

Inside my soul, festered inside my heart. 

You were so amicable, so assidous. So loving. 

The empathy we had for each other will always stay in my heart. 

I impeded your sadness for a while, but it reappeared. 

Your cry for help was so incomprehensible because you always smiled and laughed, you always told me you loved me. 

Your magnanimous heart and soul will always be remembered. Although, sometimes you'd be mortified when I touched your chest, or your arm, or any part of your body. But you were pretentious when we competed for our matches on the mat. 

I lamented your death and I couldn't be more exasperated. They tried to emulate you to try and get me stable, to feel like everything was normal. My actions were deleterious because I harmed myself.

Your death left me with great adversity and much deleterious emotions to overcome.

But I forgive you. I've become more forgiving and more naive. 

The necklace, of beaded turquise and obsidian, hung around my neck.  Your touch burns when someone else touches me.  Your scent is in my jacket - cigarettes and mint.  Your words burned into my head, and your love inside my heart. 

I said my love and regards too late. 

I found you. 

I saw you hurting.

I screamed and called the police.

I held your mother and yelled disdainfully at your father.

I got your younger to school and helped her grieve. 

I found you. 

I love you. 

But you're six-feet under and beneath my touch.

You lie in my head, and around my neck.

Inside my soul, and festered inside my heart. 

I will never forget you.

Nearly 3 years since you've been gone.

Nearly 2 years since I've been strong.


The author's comments:

Suicide of my first love, but not boyfriend, took a lot out of me. But look at me, being strong. 


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