For Twice Two Years | Teen Ink

For Twice Two Years

September 2, 2008
By Anonymous

For twice two years, I have looked for myself. Among bushes and shrubs, and even the skies, I have peaked and have peered in search of my soul. Defiant and determined, I have even looked under tiny stones with hopes of finding, if not my soul, a friend or a guide, or both. Fortuitously, I have always found those friends and guides who have walked beside me through the paths of high school life, but finding me was not as easy as breathing, yet breathtaking when it did occur.

For twice two years, I have made choices; decisions that have already impacted the near future as well as the distant one. I have sacrificed much, because I only believe I will be repaid with much more. I have invested my time in hopes of one day having enough time to build a memory. I have distanced myself from my family and my friends only to understand how precious they are and only to run desperately back at them without looking sideways at any intersections. I have let my teachers borrow my life, because I knew that they would return it in a much better condition. And they have. I have lost only to have won, and I have won only to have lost. I have been joyous only to end up in tears, and I have cried only to cry of laughter. I have given my heart because who can resist? I have lost it all only to have gained it all. I have exhaled in order to inhale, and I have slept only to awaken. I have lived.

For twice two years, I have walked, I have run, I have stumbled, and I have tumbled. Yet all it took was one step, one giant step that led me to the next level. One step that got me closer, that got me excited, that got me. My journey has been complete with the cycles of the day and the disasters of Mother Nature, as well as the joyous celebrations of Easter and Christmas. And just like any typical day, it has to come to an end. And just like any typical day, it will be followed by another.

For twice two years, I have slowly started a digression from fear. I once feared everything. I gave myself no room to grow. I slowly started realizing that I must not be scared, that I must take chances, and that sometimes I must fail in order to one day savor my successes. This has worked exceptionally well so far.

For twice two years, I have spent much time in my head, analyzing what I think and looking over the decisions that I have made. I have looked exceptionally close at all the mistakes, and I have made sure that they will never happen again. I have looked at my accomplishments and have thanked all the people that have made them possible.

For twice two years, I have dreamt. Dreamt of tomorrow, of being happy, of being free. I have even dreamt about the past. It continues chasing me, as the sun and the moon continue alternating. But I will not let it catch up, because the future is a better painting of the past if you choose to make it that way. As for the present, I simply exist.

For twice two years, I have grown. Grown into the man I was destined to. The one they created, the one they raised, and the one they supported and nurtured. That is where I found myself—in them. I was divided among four tearing circles. And there I was, in my parents’ eyes.

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