I crawled out of the pool gasping for air. Like all of my other races that weekend, I had swum terribly. My body, fatigued from sickness and arduous training, couldn’t perform like it usually did. And because of it, my mentality was withering.

I glanced back over to the board to check my time that—just maybe—I had misread. Nope. Eleven seconds. I had added eleven seconds. Embarrassment flushed my face and my eyes welled with tears as I approached my coach. He’s going to be so disappointed in me. What is wrong with me?

I stood still and vulnerable waiting to hear him crack down on everything I did wrong in that race. Or to crack a joke about how I laid an egg on that event. But he said nothing. And as the silence lingered I was forced to meet my eyes with his. 

“You’ve had a hard month and a half and your body is just trying to recover. You are going to be okay.”

Those unexpected words hit me like a hurricane. I struggled to hold back the flood of tears in my eyes. I would not let myself cry—he can’t see me in such a mess.

“I’m just really frustrated with myself,” I muttered.

I hated being vulnerable. I hated acknowledging my diffidence. And MJ understood that. He knew what was going on in my life and how that was affecting me. He knew I lacked confidence in myself. He saw my mental struggles.

The resulting conversation that day made me realize why I hold so much appreciation for him. He may not be the most formal or strict coach, but he’s real. He connects with each and every swimmer on a personal level, and shows genuine interest in our lives. He’s helped me through so many dark times, always being there for me whether I needed it or not. 

MJ has led me to be more confident in myself—more optimistic about my future. He’s fostered an environment for me to flourish not only physically but most definitely mentally. And I can say with confidence that I would not be where I am today without him. Although I’ll never say it to his face, words cannot express how much he means to me.

I am more grateful than you’ll ever know MJ.