I’ve decided to write a piece on the destruction of human beings everywhere:  Anxiety

I understand that this is a topic well-covered, but I think that every person deserves the chance and recognition to portray their experience with this b**** of a human stigma called anxiety.

It derails a person’s full potential, but more importantly, it derail’s MY full potential. I’m just kidding, this is not going to be some narcissistic rant about being unable to achieve the accomplishments I want to, but it might be.

Honestly, anxiety applies to everyone. Teenagers across the world have serious cases of self-proclaimed insomnia, and it’s not due to any genetic abnormality thing, that is unless it is, but rather it’s the monster of this creeping anxiety consuming every inch of your brain, devouring the hopes and dreams of our future and present apart.

A teenager human being can have anxiety about every single aspect of life. I am fortunate enough that it doesn’t consume my life entirely, and I can find some sort of solace in music, movies, laughter, my mom and dad’s face, my sister’s smile, and other little entities making up my life…..right?

Although the contradicting thing is; it does consume me, all day every day. Maybe it’s the fact that I do not accept that it does, because every day my brain is always thinking about what I’m going to do next, or the outcome of what I plan to do, or other people’s thoughts and feelings, god help me, my role in this world!

Life is so unorganized, and it’s all because human’s have the most messed up, perplex brains that will ever exist ever.
It’s that trembling vibration in my fingers, it is that second of internal “freak out” that occurs in my brain; it is that moment of a despaired facial expression screaming “WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE?” that gets to me. I feel it, I think about it, I express it, and I have figured out, that it’s really hard to live like that. Enclosed and self-restricted.

SELF-RESTRICTED PEOPLE. That not supposed to be how it goes. Other people are supposed to block our way to whatever form of resonance you, as a human being, want to find in your life; we should not be resisting what we know inside, really deep in our brains and hearts.

What is that, you ask, or not ask, I guess?

It’s that we are going to change the world.

It’s an anxious thought, right?

There are so many scenarios one can think up that keeps us from doing that; rejection, self-esteem issues, making stupid, stupid mistakes, and living thoughtlessly.

It’s all backed up by fear, which as a result creates all that cataclysmic anxiety jumbling around inside of you trying to find some sense of control, which only you can do.
Only I can take control of my anxiety for rejection, for derailing dreams, for bad writing, or bad violin playing.

Anxiety forms a natural artificialness, because when you’re anxious, you are not sure and confident in the person you are, so then you unknowingly become…not that person.
I want to learn how to accept my rejections. Accept my success. Accept my mediocre work. I want to be able to acknowledge that I have the capability to do something great, just like you and every other teenager that exists, but does not always realize.

I am anxious because I am not sure in the person that I am. I consistently doubt everything I do and I don’t believe in what I do the way I should.

Exaggerate. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you love that person, that you are great and have opportunity. Remind yourself you are and can be something insanely unconventionally and influential.

I’ve been getting a lot of overall rejection, in everything. Which makes me laugh more than it makes me sad, but I may just be unknowingly masking that. But every single time I am rejected by a person, by an orchestra audition, by gravitational forces itself fighting my balance, I smile for a second, kind of sarcastically, and whisper to myself myself, “Do it for Malala.”
I also tell myself that the future is still crazily wide open, and I get to create it, so I will do better next time. It’s a lot to say in a single moment, but I do it.

So defeat it. Defeat anxiety, even if it takes months, or years. Know that you can produce and create incredible and inspiring things of whatever form. You can create a smile, laughter, income, justice, an education, and all things tangible and intangible.

Just know that you really can do anything, and you don’t have to be so anxious anymore.

And just be assured, be assured in every single thing that you do. I say this to myself as much as I say to you, because I still have a long way to go to wash away the anxiety from my life, but you know what, I am going to do it.