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We need to talk right now, but this time, you need to make sure that as I am speaking, you listen very closely. I am so serious about this. As serious as a heart attack, but I won’t kill you. Still I’m not making any promises. Things as serious can be deadly.
We completely had a compromise that we would NOT hold grudges. We had agreed! And you went out and broke your promise to me! How could you be so selfish? Haven’t you realized anything yet? You know he didn’t mean that. People never mean mean things, they only say them because they aren’t thinking and that’s why people are always apologizing. Even though he didn’t say he was sorry, you know that he wanted to apologize. You just didn’t let him. I don’t even know why. I know you wanted to hear him say that he was sorry. Personally, I think that the reason why you didn’t want to hear it was because if he apologized then it made everything real because he would have had to apologize for a reason and that reason made you scared and that fear made you like your father and you just didn’t want that to be real.
Other people are listening to us, so let us make it clear, because we don’t want people to misunderstand. This kid that we are very close to, he said that our father was a INSERT BAD WORD HERE. I’m sure you know what bad word he used, but in case you don’t know, it’s when someone is scared. If we were younger he would have called my dad a “scardy cat”.
Anyways, he said that and right when he said that we said, “Don’t say that about my father.”
And instantly the kid we love so much says, “I guess I shouldn’t have said that.”
Only he didn’t say it like that. It just sounds so funny written on type. The way he said it, his voice got really low and it was like you could picture him lowering his eyes.
Why did he say that mean thing and call my dad that mean word?
Why did it scare us so much?
That kid’s dad is in jail and is a very bad influence. I can’t tell you what he does, even though I really wish I could because I hate keeping secrets. We both hate keeping secrets.
This kid’s dad will probably die in jail. My dad died and he came back to life. We were so happy, I swear, we were really just so lucky. But dad was never the same. See, the way he died before, he just broke. He broke like that egg in that riddle who fell off the wall who no one knows why he was up there in the first place. I myself don’t know why our dad was up there.
Alright, now I’m going to stop talking to you. I need to talk to Sammy. We are very close and she needs some clearing up right now.
This kid’s dad is in so much trouble and my dad used to be all broken like Humpty Dumpty who sat on a wall. And the kid told us that the reason why he fell was because he is so dramatic, when really dad just saw things differently and it hurt him more and maybe he didn’t fall on accident.
But I know. We both know. Don’t you Sammy?
My dad is not that word.
I don’t know why it bothers me so much. You probably don’t care. But I care about Sammy. I love her very much. But I’m scared for her, I am, because I think she knows what I have always known:
That she is just like her father.
Just look at the way she writes.
You’d think she was depressed, or worse.
When actually she is just like me who is just like you who is only trying to figure out where I belong.
I love Sammy, I do, and I told her that and she feels better, even though she knows she is much more like her father than ever and that she too may end up on a wall without knowing why.
And I know our father loves her. If he understands like I think he does, he loves us both.
I don’t expect you to understand, but I just hope that if you are ever faced with wondering why you are who you are, and you have no place to look, look behind you and see your parents. You are just like them sometimes, you really are.
I love you Sammy. I do.
I had to use a fake name, because people may read this one day, and I know that we don’t want people to find out who we are.