It started off as a normal afternoon with the sun beating down and the sweat dripping from our faces. It was yet again another hard worked practice to get us ready for the beginning of our field hockey season. Everyone was exhausted and all they wanted to do was go home and shower, which is precisely what I wanted to do as well. However my coach told the other captains and I that we would have to stay after. This was the last thing I wanted to do, but when he says to stay, you stay.

My coach tends to be a little out of it sometimes so I figured that all he was pondering about was when to hand out uniforms. Well when he opened his mouth, what came out was totally the opposite. He wanted the other two captains and I to assist in the cutting process. Now I knew this was going to happen at some point but I did not expect it at this moment. I was not prepared. I had not even begun to think about whom I was going to choose. All this pressure at once was overwhelming. Who was I to choose? Some girl’s fate rests in my hands and I hadn’t even begun to review my decisions. This was too much.

My coach began to talk to us about whether or not we had any opinions to say right away. Neither one of us wanted to go first, so we sat in silence. The sound of silence made things a bit awkward so I made a suggestion for him to read off every name and for us to give our opinion on that particular person. He thought this was a great idea so him and the assistant coach started with the freshman.

As I sat there listening to the names, I starred off across the field and thought about how some of the names he was calling would never play on this field again. I remember how it was to be a freshman and hoping that there would be no cuts. I remember critizing my own playing skills thinking I was not good enough and putting even more time and effort into practicing only to get better, but perhaps to get cut. All of the girls put forth so much and to say their not good enough just breaks my heart. The wind blew sending a chill threw my body that brought me back to reality.

He started reading the freshman, going through each name. It was still hard for me to speak knowing that something that I say might just as well be the words that make his final decisions. So I chose my words wisely while still speaking my mind. Every now and then we came to a girl whom there were mixed feelings about. This made it even harder knowing that some of us wanted her. But when it has to be done it has to be done.

After we went through the freshman, we moved on to the sophomores. Now talk about hard decisions. These girls have already played one year and were part of a team. They made new friends and bonded with us as a field hockey family. How could we let any of them go? This was getting too hard. All I could think about was how they will feel when they find out. However I had to stop thinking so sensitively. I was a captain and I needed to do what was said of me for the better of the team. So I wiped away all of my girl like emotions and entered a new mind frame. I was going to do this because it has to be done.

Now that I was finally prepared I spoke my mind and told how I really felt about each girl and whether or not I though they would succeed on the team. See that is just how I began to look at it. If we didn’t cut some of these girls when they should have been, they would be sitting on the bench feeling bad and angry that they weren’t playing. This would not be fair. It is better to hurt for a little while then to suffer the whole season. Once I thought this threw every thing was clear.

After the sophomores we talked about the juniors. This is especially hard because they are in their third year playing, but all five of us knew that at least two girls would be cut from the junior class merely because we didn’t think that in the following year they would truly shine on varsity. So because of that we cut them.

This whole process really took a lot out of me. Emotionally I was so drained from going from one extreme to the other. But we were finally through. I could rest knowing that what I did was for the better of the team and ultimately for those players who’s time had come to an end. I believe that this process is terrible but yet in the end could lead to great things. Cutting these girls was not easy, and facing them in school was horrible too, but what is done is done and all that is left is to reflect on the experience that has forever left its mark.