Untitled | Teen Ink


April 30, 2009
By Anonymous

His hands weighing down on me. His breath like a fog invading my privacy. I try to move my body, but I feel paralyzed. I try to speak, but I'm afraid I've gone mute. I scream , nothing. I feel the tears streaming down my face, but his smile is confusing me. I look to the left , I see nothing but black. I look to the right, I see a light coming from outside. Could someone be coming to help me? The light goes off. My hopes die.I continue crying. There's not much else for me to do.

Finally , he's finished. He's going to leave me alone. He whispers in my ear "why don't you turn around my dear?" I want to die. I need to die. This can't be happening. This isn't happening. Before I even comprehend the situation, I'm on my stomach.I'm trying to force out a scream.Nothing.I'm trying to beg for mercy. Nothing. Absolutley nothing.

He pulls out and object. Long and sharp. He places it at my throat. A knife? A gun? Is he going to kill me? Are these my last few moments on earth? What about my family? My friends? What will they say? What will they do? I can't die like this. Again, I scream. This time, I hear it. I hear it loud and clear. Like a church bell almost.Shocking but calming all at the same time. He tells me if I scream he'll hurt me. Something inside of me begs me to scream again. But I don't. I can't. I'm too pathetic to be that strong.

I'm flat on my back again. I'm fighting to stay there, in that room. My mind starts to float away. I pull it back. My eyes roll to the back of my head, my stomach drops. I'm dying. This is it, I'm dying.And then I'm on my knees. He's got his hands on me,pulling back my hair.He's laughing at me. He's making fun of me. I can't do anything but take it. I feel lifeless. I feel like a failure. How could I let it happen again? What did I ever do to deserve this? This has to be a dream. Nobodies life can possibly be this tragic.

He gets up to leave as I'm in the corner cowering.He turns around and winks at me."I had fun." he says."You weren't half bad". I swallow my tears and hide my face in my hands. I sit like that for what seems like hours but was probably only minutes. I walk home, feeling nothing. Completley and utterly numb.

The author's comments:
This honestly happened to me.When I say "this can't be happening again" that's because,I had been sexually abused before.

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