January 22, 2014
Fur Coats

You would be a liar if you claimed that you’ve never seen that one lady at the party. That’s right, the immensely stout one with the crude face that is poised particularly to show off her “state-of-the-art” coat. It would be possible to ignore her, if only her coat didn’t look like some sort of home for furry animals. I have always been greatly disturbed by the mere thought of wearing the coat of an animal on your own body for warmth. The world would truly be better without those uncomfortable fur coats.
First, the manufacture of these wretched fur coats is one of the top reasons for why animals like Bengal tigers and grey foxes are nearly extinct. The killing of thousands a day is truly detrimental to the world’s ecosystem.
Second, wearing a fur coat doesn’t portray you as a person that has lived life to the fullest. Instead, it makes you seem like you are trying to say, “hey look at me I am fancier than you and I am so pretentious.” Wearing a fur coat is the exact same thing as wearing a big sign that says “OSTENTATIOUS” in big letters on the front.
Next, fur coats don’t even keep you warm. Warmth is the last purpose these ridiculous coats have, with fashion being the first. They are strictly reserved for flamboyant egotists who are careless towards wildlife. They obviously have no problem with the mass killing of adorable animals.
Also, fur coats have the opposite affects on people than what the wearer thinks it has. The wearer thinks that it brings joy and envy to everyone around them, when in reality the coat brings looks of disgust to everyone’s faces. The extravagant smiles are obviously fashioned with the intentions of mockery.
Lastly, the Endangered Species Protection Agency (ESPA) has much to say on the matter. They have been petitioning to ban the use of fur coats worldwide since the Ninety’s. Chief executive Harry Critter says, “People don’t know what impact on the natural balance of the circle of life this high demand for fur coats have made.” The science and research team from the ESPA concluded that the hunting of specific furry animals in arctic zones is in fact greatly affecting global warming. The demand for more fur is causing more hunters, which causes more gunshots. Because of the cold temperatures, the smoke released from the guns disseminates into the atmosphere more rapidly, wearing away the already decaying ozone layer in the sky, which is speeding up global warming more than any other cause.
I think my point is clear and disagreeing with me is nonsensical. So let’s all join together and tell that pompous lady at the party: “Out with her, and out with the fur.”