How to Grow Up in America:
An Indian’s guide to Survive the 90’s

If you’re anxious about growing up in America during the grunge filled, Seinfeld laden decade known as the 1990’s, have no fear. I know the task seems daunting, and you’d be right to be a little apprehensive, after all you’ll be facing cultural stigmas and biases previously unheard of. But if you can manage to follow these steps and you will be on your way to (somewhat) carefree days of youth.

To successfully pull this off you’ll need a few things: a hard emotional exterior, a willingness to throw aside your personal beliefs for a few hours and a zipper—to keep your mouth shut. I know you can’t exactly just run down to Stop and Shop (we didn’t have Walmart yet) and pick these things up, but they are integral to your success. If you need assistance finding these items, remember you can always ask your parents.

It is likely that the majority of the population has only been exposed to Indian culture through Temple of Doom, so you probably won’t get invited to many dinners, at the fear you might start worshiping some evil god, or indulge yourself by eating some monkey brain-- so you will probably have a tough time making close friends. However it also doesn’t help when our country is at war with a county whose population vaguely resembles your own. The key here is to ignore the comments, brush off the prejudice and remember to declare that anyone with the name George Bush would make a great president.

So now that we’ve dealt with some of the cultural issues you will be facing, it is time to handle arguably the most perplexing aspect of American life, popular culture. First off, in 1994 you will probably have to convince your parents that even though you listened to his music, Kurt Cobain didn’t have that much of an influence on you. If you can manage to avert your parents plans to send you to a psychiatrist, chances are you will be watching the O.J. Simpson trial on TV (we didn’t have the internet yet). Now, the trial may not seem like a good thing, but in reality it is, since it gives you a viable topic to talk about with your friends. Even if you are more inclined to talk about actually important topics, like the Rwandan genocide and the arrest of the Unabomber, it is imperative that you restrain yourself, since deviating from the popular conversation topics would likely be a means for being ostracized in some form or another.

The final battle is that of politics, however the solution to this issue is very straightforward, simply make like the Swiss and be neutral. If you think you can manage to listen to people’s ramblings on why their stance on the latest political dealing, threat to our country and major trial is superior, you should be fine. Just remember to act sad at the death of Princess Diana and appalled during President Clinton’s impeachment, and you should be ready for college.

With the Y2K scare and the Columbine shooting on the horizon, college years present their own set of challenges. Nevertheless, if you can manage to adhere to these general guidelines, the years following you’re youth won’t be perfect, but they will be (somewhat) successful.