It all started back when I was young. Even as a young girl, I would have irregular eating habits. I would go eating such a huge amount to hardly eating at all. I would go a few times a day without eating because I wanted to be skinny. Even thou I am under- weight and everything, I still look in the mirror and all I see is fat, disgusting, not good enough. I have people telling me each and everyday that I am beautiful and skinny when in reality I don’t see it. I don’t see what everyone else sees. Honestly, I wish I wish I did because I wouldn’t be hurting myself like I am. You may look at me and say “she is pretty.” But in my mind. You are telling me lies.

Let us see, I am currently 113.5 pounds and I am still trying to lose as much weight as I can. Since I started eating less, my body has been shutting down. My depression has gotten worse and everything. Whenever I am at the doctors and I stand on that scale, I get scared of the number that appears on the screen. Once I see it hit 114 or higher, I panic and just want to break down and scream. Because of my self-image issues, I started to self-harm. I would do anything to feel pain as a way to show I wasn’t good enough or anything,

As said before, I would walk up to a mirror and see my HUGE thighs and big stomach. I hated them. I just wanted to cut it all off and never have to look at it again. Anyway, I started mine back in 6th grade. Yes I had my times were I ate more then I should have. Ever since I found out I had a stomach problem and couldn’t eat that much, it triggered my eating disorder. Since that time being, I wouldn’t eat that much. If I had two sandwiches I would only eat on and throw the other away. I wouldn’t do it because I was full. I didn’t because I didn’t want to gain weight. Thanksgiving is a huge problem for me. At school I can get by with only eating a little but at home. I hardly even eat that much. I most “ate” what my mom gave me and then lied and said I was full and didn’t eat anymore when in reality I wanted to.

Right now no one knows about my disorder or anything, I tried giving hints about it but no one sees. Yes, some people know about it. To this day, I am still fighting more than ever to get over it and eat more but my body won’t let me. It is hard and everything but I am getting there slowly.