Differences 

At the age of 12, most kids can say full heartedly that they are completely normal and happy that they are okay. Well for me when I was asked if I was OKAY  or if I felt normal I would always say, “Yes, I am fine, I feel like any normal kid.” Which was always a lie 

I was born with an adrenal gland disorder called Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (CAH). This means that I had to go to doctors’ appointments every month and had to have blood drawn from my arm every three weeks. Now, I am not afraid of needles or blood because Come On People! Blood and needles really aren't that scary!

Every time I walked into school on those days people would ask where I had been or why I had tape or a bandage on my arm. I would always respond that I had a doctor's appointment or I had gone to a blood draw and they would ask why. They only had to get a blood draw once a year and they wanted to know why I was different from them. I would tell them that I had an adrenal disorder and because we were 12, no one had any idea what that was so they would drop it most of the time. 

You must be wondering what CAH is and why I go to the doctor so often. Well, to answer your question, CAH is an adrenal disorder. That means that my body does not produce adrenaline and other hormones that a normal body does, so when I go for the blood draws they are checking my 17ohp levels because it is the easiest thing to test for. The best way of explaining this is that if my 17ohp levels are low or high things are utterly horrible to deal with. During my 7th grade year, I had my monthly check-up and they saw that I had not reached the height that I was expected to have reached, so they did some tests. A few days after that the test results came back and they said that my disorder was also affecting my growth. They also said if we wanted to give my height a boost that we should do this hormone booster while we still could. My mom was completely against the idea as she was worried about the potential side effects that could occur. My dad, on the other hand, knew how I felt about my height and argued that he wanted me to have every advantage that he could get me in life. So, after a few days of arguing, my dad finally won and I was told that I was going to be given the hormone.

What they did not explain to 12-year-old me was that meant that I was going to have to miss a lot of school because of MRIs and IVs and the actual hormone booster. So I found this out after 4 MRIs and 7 IVs. I was then told that I would be missing a day of school so that we could go to the hospital for the hormone booster.  We went to the hospital, they gave me a room they had told my parents that I was not allowed to eat or drink anything for 12 hours before the visit. I was so hungry by the time we finally got to the shiny clean hospital because I had not eaten a morsel of food the entire day. 

When we got to the room, they told us that people would come every 3 hours to take my blood, check my blood pressure, check to see if my levels were ready for the hormone booster, and everything else they could think of. After half the day had passed, they finally gave me the hormone booster which knocked me out for the rest of the day. By the time that I woke up, it was the next day, I had not eaten for 24  hours, and I had to PEE!!!  The problem with needing to pee was that when I tried to sit up the entire room spun around like it was going through an earthquake. I felt sick to my stomach. so I laid back down and waited for when I thought that I could sit back up. I slowly got out of bed, but sadly for me, I was still wobbly on my feet so my mom had to help me go to the bathroom (one of the most embarrassing things about that trip). By the time we had gotten out of the bathroom a nurse had come in to see how I was doing. She said that it was over and we would know if the hormone booster worked in a few days. After a wonderful lunch of golden crunchy tater tots and shiny ketchup, I went home. 

Now you would think that after all that effort I would start to grow and feel at least a little bit more normal, (or as normal as I could get being me), but no.  When the results came in they said that the hormones had not worked and that it was not something that could be fixed. So me being a 12 year old and all I felt even more isolated and abnormal than I really was. Whenever I went to school and people would talk to me or look at me I would feel this great big wave of emotion saying that I was not like them and I never would be. It got so bad that I wanted to stop going to school. When my mom finally caught on she said, “No matter how different you feel just remember and that being unique is one of the things that makes you such a special and kind person, and anyone who tries to bring you down is just wishing that they could be like you”. When she said those words I thought that she was lying and just trying to make me feel better like all mothers do, but now whenever I think back to that time I realize that she was being completely serious. 

Ever since then I have been trying to live by those words because if I was not unique and I did not go through all that, then I might never have become who I am today. That person is special and different, but that is not a bad thing and, thanks to my mom, I have finally realized that being different is okay and is nothing to be ashamed of. After all, when you think about it, is being special and different really so bad?