Wipe Your Nose, You’re Snotty… Just Kidding!

“Own up or shut up.” Sounds harsh right? But the new phenomenon sweeping through high schools everywhere that makes it acceptable for teenagers to say whatever hurtful thing they want to say to another individual and still maintain their innocence by simply saying “just kidding” afterwards is simply snotty, and getting out of hand.

If you’ve ever received a less than consoling: “just kidding”, “psyche!”, “just messing/ joshin ya”, or “just playing” after someone has verbally smacked you in the face with a rude comment, congratulations! You’re a victim of what I like to call the “ghost bully” tactic. People who hide behind “just kidding” are ghost bullies because it’s almost impossible to classify them as bullies.
The “Just kidding” response is used as a verbal magic eraser to cover up the offense given by the ghost bully, leaving the victim with little to no evidence of bullying. Imagine going to your parents and saying “Jessica called my ugly, but she was just kidding.” That really isn’t showing any evidence that Jessica, the ghost bully, has done anything wrong. So the situation bitterly ends with the ghost bully betting off scot free, and the victim with the stinging pain and insecurity that their insult has left behind Infuriating, isn’t it?

Is there a solution to ghost bullying? Well, a wise man once said “You can’t judge people until you take a walk in their shoes. That man was Danny Tanner from the T.V. show Full House, but the advice still sounds pretty good to me, so let’s try it. Psychiatrists (Ferris) have stated that kids who become ghost bullies are actually insecure about themselves, so they verbally abuse others before they receive the abuse themselves. Being insecure is something that is extremely difficult to deal with, and even though trying to make others equally insecure is never a good idea, as they say, misery loves company.

Other teenagers are simply carrying around the burden of trying to fit into high school. While trying to impress their peers, they make fun of others, and while trying to also be known throughout the school as a nice person, they back up their insult with a handy dandy “just kidding”. I understand that it’s easy to think that the person picking on you has none of these problems and is just plain rude, and while that could be true, it’s usually not the case with this verbal tactic.

How was your walk in the shoes of your ghost bully? Now that we understand that yes, everyone has problems they are dealing with and all of us have different ways of dealing with them we can ponder whether having a rough day or having a problem with life gives anyone the right to belittle others or put them down in any way. How can you protect yourself from this ghost bully tactic? Some ways to deal with a ghost bully are to simply ignore them, or if you know someone is prone to using this tactic of bullying, steer clear of them – you don’t need negative people in your life! You could also try some come backs that aren’t hurtful, but get your point across. Such as, when they insult you and then whip out the “just kidding” try andanswerr back with “Are you really just kidding?”. This lets them know that you aren’t buying their phony “niceness”.

Last but not least, if you’re finding yourself guilty of being a ghost bully, take a tissue and wipe your nose, don’t continue to be so snotty. Think about why you’re saying the things you are to people, and the effect your words have on others. It may seem funny to you and the people around you, but think of how you feel when the tables are turned and people are saying hurtful things to you.
You can more flies with honey than with vinegar, meaning that a little kindness goes a long way. You will be a happier person and people will be more drawn to you if you turn those insults into compliments.