Bully: An Ugly Word



On October 10th, 2012, a young girl named Amanda Todd tragically took her own life in Coquitlam, Canada, just a 45-minute drive from where I live. I did not pay attention to this case when the news spread because I thought it was just another case of cruelty. I kept coming across this incident again and again so I decided to look into it more deeply. I was not aware of the fact that she was bullied on a popular social media site as well as at her school. As I watched her video, “My Story: Struggling, Bullying, Suicide, Self-harm”, I had a flashback that overwhelmed me.
Suddenly, I was eleven, maybe twelve years old. I had just come back to Korea after studying in China as an international student. I was back in my hometown, and I was going to the school that I used to go before I left. At that time, I was not very familiar with the popular culture. I figured that my old friends would help me out. We were going on a field trip where we would spend a night in a youth hostel. I shared a room with bunch of other girls and I was thrilled about it.
It was that evening when a girl from another room paid a visit to her friend in my room. I was talking to my friend when she came in. She loudly and very rudely interrupted me and I stared at her because I did not recognize her. It was a rather small school and I knew almost everyone at the school. She was a new student. I looked at her trying desperately to recollect her name. She took my staring the wrong way. I apologized because she looked very irritated. I left the room with my other friend to get some ice cream. We were walking down the hallway when we heard the gnashing of teeth. I turned back and there she was. She looked at me in a menacing glance and asked me if I knew who she was. I was very confused with her attitude towards me. I thought she was exaggerating. She said that she was the dictator of the school. She began to explain about her connection and some other things.
Then, I noticed that there was another girl standing beside her. She was my old friend. She knew my parents. We shared secrets. We played with Barbie dolls together. And she was just standing there looking at me as if I had done something so terribly wrong that I could not be forgiven. The realization hit me, and it hit me hard. Things had changed. They had changed a lot. There was no more friendship or childlike play. The school became some kind of place where hierarchy was displayed and the authorities were commanding. I felt how serious this situation was.
I said, again, that I was sorry if I made her feel uncomfortable. She told me to literally kneel in front of her. I was mad at this point. Who was she to tell people what to do and what not to do? Who was she to judge who was to rule and who was to be ruled? I resisted and could sense that things would get harsh. I was really scared and part of me regretted the choice to stand firm.
Fortunately, one of the teachers passed by and my friend and me could get away. We immediately told the teacher and the parents everything. I wanted to go back home but I couldn’t. I had to still spend a night there. That night was the scariest night of my life. The moment of terror was so appalling that it visited me in nightmares.
After I came back, I told several people what happened. I do not know what they did exactly, but they said that they took care of it. The adults solved my problem indeed, but I regret that I wasn’t able to face my bully on my own. I sometimes imagine going back to that time and talking to her with more confidence. I also prepared myself so if anything like this ever happens again, I will be able to fight back. I want to point out that bullies don’t bully you because you’ve got a problem. They are the real ones with problems, and they are the ones who are scared. Though my experience was minor compared to Amanda Todd, I needed to talk to a lot of people before fully recovering from that horrible night. I was so lucky to have supportive friends and family. I just want to say that bullying is ugly. It is uglier than anything else in the world. Please don’t bully anyone. Although I am okay now, Amanda Todd’s suicide forced to reflect on that night. I think I will remember it my entire life. I realized that this kind of memory doesn’t fade away. It stays forever.