You’ve been texting her for the better half of the night, things have been going great! A little flirting here and there, but at the same time you can’t be entirely sure on whether or not she really likes you…you know what I mean. Like, more than a friend. As it gets later and later, and you become more and more bold you decide that now is the time to act.

You wipe your brow, which has begun to bead with small amounts of sweat. Your stomach feels as though it is doing flips inside of you. Your quivering hands touch down on the keyboard of your phone and you type in that phrase that you’ve been waiting to dish out all night. Like Shakespeare, you pour your heart and soul into each and every word, you even spell out the words “you” and “are”. You need her to know that you are sincere.
You read the message out loud to yourself, checking for any kind of error that could turn this bold move into a complete and total failure. “I thought you looked very beautiful in that dress at the concert tonight Amanda, *insert blushing, smiling emoji*”, you speak aloud to yourself confidently. Your finger hits the send button, and all you can do is lie in wait for the dreaded response.

In no more than thirty seconds, she has opened your message. From then on, every second of her two-minute response time is spent in complete and total anxiety. Finally, you see that she has sent you a message.
You’re hesitant at first, but then, all fear is thrown aside. You must know her answer!

“Awww thanks, BUDDY. I’m so happy that I have a FRIEND like you. *insert normal smiling emoji*”
YOU’VE JUST BEEN FRIENDZONED!!!

Your heart shatters into a million pieces, and all those cute date ideas and how you two would get married, and have kids, and live a wonderful life after having talked for the past three weeks’, flies right out the window.
Well, too all of those out there that just read that last page and connected on a completely emotional and spiritual level, look no further for answers. I am going to teach you how to escape the dreaded friendzone!
First off let me connect with you. I have a story to tell, I’ll keep it short but I want you to know that I know what I’m talking about. I’m a credible source, because I was once in the exact same predicament as you are now. I was friendzoned for a whole six years by a beautiful neighbor of mine. Of course when I first met her it was nothing more than a little boy-girl crush. As the years went on, things got more complicated and I knew I was doomed and deep within the friendzone. I believed I would never escape, but as you’re reading this, we have been dating for a whole four and a half months and it is one of the best relationships I have ever been in. So you see? It really is possible to become more than “just friends”!

Now, to move on to your conundrum. Let me start with what I believe is a very helpful and organized way to approach any problem that you may have in life. Lists, or a step by step method, is a great way to attack your problems. Later on, I will go more in depth about each step and exactly how you could accomplish each of these milestones in your escape of the friend zone.

1. Consider the Girl
2. Assess the Present Situation
3. Present Yourself On Good Terms
4. Get Yourself a Wingman/woman/inside informant
5. Find the Opportune Time to Act
6. Revel in Your Victory
Consider the Girl

The first and foremost thing you need to ask yourself is if this girl is worth it. You read how long it took me to escape the friendzone, six whole years! You need to make sure that you are completely committed to making this work. If you don’t think she’s worth your time, or if there are even several other girls that you’re interested in, perhaps it would be best if you just pursued other people. Also, you must make sure that your intentions are pure. This method will not work if you are only after a girl for physical affection. We’re striving for a relationship here! However, if you just became insulted by the fact that I would even question your affection for this lovely lass of yours, read on! If she makes you happier than any other girl, and you are truly in love with her, then you need out of the friendzone as fast as possible.

Assess the Present Situation
You need to ask yourself a couple of questions before you begin to take action. Is this girl dating or interested in another guy? Is she fresh out of a relationship? Is she completely and totally single? These are the three basic levels of what kind of a relationship a person can be in. You need to get an understanding of her relationship status. Let’s start with the worst possible scenario.

What if she’s dating someone? In this case, I’m sorry to break it to you, but for the time being, you’re just going to have to deal with it, and stick with being friends. Even if you could manage to break the couple up, to what avail? Would you really want to date someone that broke up a happy relationship they had, just so that they would date you? I certainly hope not! If your girl is in a relationship, it is best to take a step back, and just wait to see how things unfold. I doubt this is going to be the man she marries, and when they break it off, that is the perfect time for you to come in and sweep her off her feet.

So now let’s say that this dream girl of yours is fresh out of a relationship, dealing with a breakup, what are you to do? Well, no matter what kind of relationship it was, the story around the campfire is that it takes half the time of the total relationship you were in with someone to get over them. I.e. 6-month relationship=3-month recovery time. So, during this period of grief, you are going to want to be there to support her. Make sure you’re not overbearing and buying her all kinds of gifts to make up for her broken heart. Just offer yourself as a “shoulder to cry on” sort of speak. Let her know that you care about her and her wellbeing, and that you would like to help in any way you can. I promise, if you’re sweet about it, she will love it! After the breakup phase is over, your dream lady is now a single and happy, healthy person, ready for some lovin’!

So how do you approach turning this friendship into something much, much more? To start off, you need to:

Present Yourself on Good Terms
There is a very fine line between being needy and demanding, and caring and supportive. This is especially true when you’re trying to prove yourself as a possible person to date. In the very beginning stages of trying to transform your relationship, less is more. Start sending her more texts or messages than you normally do. Let her know that you care about her and how she’s doing. Show interest in what she likes, her family, her friends, her problems. If you truly love her, all of this should come easily and naturally, and you’ll be more than happy to listen. It’s also important to just stay relaxed. Don’t panic every time you talk to her, and don’t plan out everything you’re going to say. If she seems to show interest back to you, show her some more love and more attention! The gears will slowly shift to where you will want to seem very present and very active in her life. If she’s willing, talk to her on the phone or just one on one sometime. I’m not talking about dates, just when you run into each other, make the event a little more personal between the two of you. Again however, I must stress that you need to make sure you’re not being creepy or overbearing about this step! It is a very large grey area. This process can take a very long time, and it can be difficult to discern what exactly is right at the time. The important thing is just to keep a positive attitude toward it all, and tell yourself that you are making progress.
Now say there is another guy in her life, one that you may be a little jealous or worried about. It is essential to realize that under no circumstances is this girl, “your girl”. I’m sorry to tell you, but there’s really not much you can do. In the end, you really just have to accept that they are a person their life and move on. Do not ask about them constantly, or try to compete with them in any way. It is going to be very difficult, but it’s just what you need to do. Keep yourself separate from them as much as possible. In the end, it comes down to, “may the best man win”.

Now is it possible to do all this alone? Sure it is! However, a wingman, wingwoman, or some kind of person that can talk you up, and help you prove yourself as the perfect suitor is going to be a massive help and very effective tool in escaping the friendzone.

Get Yourself a Wingman/Wingwoman/Inside Informant
This could be a close and trustworthy friend of yours, theirs, or a mutual person that you both confide in. For me, believe it or not, but my wingman was my younger brother. He was a good friend of my nowadays-girlfriend, and helped convince her that me and her could work out! My wingman played a monumental role in my escape of the friendzone. Wingmen/woman can help in a number of ways:

1. They can help to talk you up and brag about you.
2. They can help to get “inside information” on how your soon-to-be girlfriend feels about you.
3. Wingmen/women can help to pick you up when you’re feeling like things will never work out.
4. They can be your ultimate support and you can confide anything you want in them.
Wingmen/woman can be very helpful in escaping the friendzone. It is good to remember that they are just supporters. They should not be used as spies to gather information without the girl you are pursuing, knowing. In the end, everything you tell your wingman, you should be able to tell your girl when you two are in a relationship. It is also crucial that your wingman/woman is very loyal to your cause, and is just as excited about the possibility of you two dating as you are. If these aspects are met, and the methods listed above are used, your wingman will be an invaluable tool!

Find the Opportune Time to Act
Through all of this prep work, and all of this hard time spent proving yourself as the perfect soul mate to your girl, there is going to be the time where you need to prove yourself. You’re going to have to take that leap, and ask them to take it to the next level with you. Now I want to make something very clear. The opportune time, is not always the perfect time. To put it simply: Movies, and books, and stories all lie. You know by now that life is not perfect, and it never really will be! No matter how much you dream up the perfect scenario in which you tell the love of your life that you love them, the time will never be…perfect. Now this is very scary. “If the time is never perfect, then how will I know?” you may ask. Well, (ready for the most cliché answer of all time) you’ll just know. Now I know this may sound stupid and silly and a cop out of an answer, but through my experience it is completely true!

I believed that I would confess my love to my girl on my rooftop, on a warm summer night, under a brilliant sky of stars. Just as I told her that I had feelings for her, a shooting star would race across the sky, and then we would kiss. Well…as you might guess, that definitely didn’t happen. It was an awkward meet up/date thing on a rainy day in July and the temperature was no more than 60 degrees. We were upstairs watching a movie, Waterboy I believe, and then I stopped the movie for some reason. We looked at each other and talked very quietly, and you know what I did? I just went for it! I kissed her and from that point on, we have had an absolutely fantastic relationship!

It really is just that simple. When the time comes, you will know. Of course during that time, your heart will be going a million miles an hour, your stomach will become an acrobat, and your mind will be cowering in fear of rejection…but just count down from three and kiss the girl already!

Side note: That count down from three is a fantastic life lesson I learned from “We Bought a Zoo”, and is actually really useful for whenever you’re about to make a risky and potentially life changing decision. Just count down from three, slowly, and then do it, whatever it is that you’re doing, without hesitation!

Revel in Your Victory

Now comes the fun part! Guess what? You did it! You have finally managed to escape one of the most feared things in life…the friendzone. You can now go on to some other website and look up “How in the World do I Maintain a Good Relationship”??? Sorry buddy, I was just here to bust you out! You’re on your own from here. I’m confident though, that if you were able to prove yourself as more than “just a friend”, you’ll prove to be a fantastic boyfriend, and have a great and prosperous relationship! So go on, keep it up, and have a happy rest of your life with the girl that you have so dearly loved. But wait—

Hold on.
Rewind.
Take it all back!
What if it didn’t work?

A simple and horrifying thing to consider, but what if you were rejected. What if, despite all of your hard work, all of your efforts and time, you are still seen as only a friend. Then I ask you…is it so bad to be, “just a friend”? Sure it’s not ideal, and yes it will be a blow just as bad, if not harder, than if you had gotten your heartbroken by a girlfriend. Unlike the latter situation, you can still be in her life! Sure you’re not a boyfriend, but you are a part of her, and may be a part, in a way that no boyfriend ever could be! So yes, it will take some time to get over, and yes, you’re going to cry some not-so-manly tears, but it will get better. Hopefully you can accept that you are just her friend and you can both have a very happy and healthy relationship, just in a new and better way!
Another thing to remember, is that people’s feelings and emotions can change, and just because she wants to be “just friends” now, doesn’t mean it’s always going to be that way. These steps are repeatable after all. Keep your chin up buddy, and go get that girl!

Your Friendly Guide,
Elias