“Social anxiety is the epitome of fear!” That phrase is something that I learned quite well on my trip back to Junior High. Now don't get me wrong, I was excited and happy, but I let the anxiety capture me. Just like when a hurricane engulfs the sun in one swallow. I don't often have much anxiety, but I was headed back to junior high for the day. I hadn't seen many of my fellow peers in a long time because of COVID-19. It was on this roller coaster of emotion for the most simple trip did I understand Social Anxiety. I might be deemed a late bloomer to the pact of anxiety, but boy did I learn more about myself and my strength against this dreadful emotion.

The year was 2020, and it consisted of a wretched thing called COVID-19. I had been online schooled for the year, but I was able to come back in person for a day to indulge myself once again in normal life. What came with my decision to was something much greater than me. Now let me tell you about it.

Today is the day I get to go back to school for the day. I was excited, and couldn't wait to go see some of my classmates again. But on that morning something else loomed over me, like a dark shadow nipping at my heels. But that's not what I was thinking about. Instead, I portrayed a kindergartener on the first day of school. I had butterflies whirling around in my stomach at full speed. I kept trying to envision what it would all be like. I had so many questions!

“Who am I going to see? Where am I going to sit? What class am I going to be in? Will I get to see some of my friends? What happens if no one likes me anymore? Are people different from what they were last March?”

I had a gazillion thoughts rushing through my head at a million miles an hour. I was quite fearful and excited. I didn't know to hold onto and run with, I didn't want to be let down. The cloud of darkness that was looming over me was getting larger, as the sun of happy thoughts tried breaking through. I was in a battle between the two strongest emotions in the human mind, happiness, and fear. I took a deep breath and went outside to calm the tornado of emotions inside me. I observed my surroundings, I felt the sun peering out from the sky on my cheek. Then there was the bite of the cold on my hands. But ultimately the warm feeling building up inside me was still the only thing I could notice. But then I heard my mom talking shouting out to me.

“Come on Henry let's go, we're going to be late,” Said my Mom.

“I can't wait to get to see everyone again,” I responded.

Now the flame in my stomach was as hard as a rock. It was like a 50-pound weight inside of my stomach. I feared it wouldn't go away, and that only made it worse. Each thought strengthened the rock building up inside of me. It was like the hammering of a sword, each blow makes it stronger. As we were driving my leg was tapping a million miles an hour. It was almost as if my leg was a rocket about to take off. So I started to talk to my mom to calm me.

“What do you think it'll be like? One thing is for sure the last time I had been at school was March, and life is a lot different now”. I said to my Mom.

“Well everyone wearing masks will be different, but I wouldn't worry about it. Just enjoy this change, and hopefully, you'll be going to in-person school soon.” My mom said.

That calmed me down a bit, but then as soon as I saw the Starbucks something hit me. It was a bomb of some type of fear that had blown up in my face. Then I realized that I was having anxiety. The tapping of my foot grew faster, I didn't know what to do. It was like my foot was going to make a hole in the floor. I felt trapped and I didn't know why. This was supposed to be fun and easy. Just then we rolled up to the Junior High.

I walked out of the car to feel the bite of the cold and the blinding of the sun. I slowly looked around surveying the front of the school. I couldn't see anyone so I walked up to the doors, adjusted the bottoms of my sweatpants, and then took a long deep breath like I was about to dive into the water, and went inside. But here it was the final boss in a video game. Everything was blaring, from my heartbeat to a sort of thumping in my head. This is what I had feared, the building storm of anxiety released a violent downpour of anxious thoughts. Trying to take me down, but I realized I couldn't back out now. I would feel guilty and embarrassed. So I took it all one step at a time. My hand slowly reached up to tap the button to let me into the doors. My hand was shaking like an earthquake, I opened the door and I went cold. I felt alone myself against the world. Mrs.Murray said hi and then suddenly out of nowhere I could feel myself relax. It was at this point I realized I had won. Then Mr.Polka and Mrs.Skinner brought me upstairs, my eyes darted everywhere. I saw new paintings/assignments hung on the wall, I saw new faces, and then I saw the class I was going to. I didn't know if I should be excited or scared, but I just kept walking. I was feeling good, I was quite calm at the moment. I was in the eye of the hurricane. Every bit I stepped I grew confident, but then suddenly I was in the classroom. I got quiet, my shoulders slouched, and I just stood there awkwardly waiting for me to be assigned a spot.

I peered around and I saw all of my classmates. I just sat there realizing I'm ok. I was eventually assigned my seat and sat down. At this point I was fine, I had successfully fended off the great storm of anxiety. I ended up laughing at myself and I thought.

“Why was I so scared, this is so fun to be back……”

The class went by in a blink of an eye, as soon as I knew it I was driving back with my mom. That feeling of satisfaction of conquering this new anxiety was immense. I had learned that I had nothing to be nervous about. But instead, it was all just an annoying game put on by my mind. Then I heard my mom saying something to me.

“So how was it? Was anything different?” Said my mom.

“It was awesome! I didn't get to talk much because there wasn't really a time, but just being back did the trick. I didn't notice anything that different.” I said with a wide smile.

I noticed that the rock in my stomach had turned to a sort of warmth. I was really happy, I was able to go back and experience everything again. The lesson I learned was that your brain will be a drama queen about the smallest things. But that I should always listen to it still, but take it with a grain of salt.