Low Hopes

She has recognized what she has done; she has done a lot of bad things. I guess it's disappointing seeing your first child, the girl you had dreamed of since you were a child diverging from your childhood fantasy. Though you were only 14 and 18 respectively when you had her, your image of who you'd hoped she'd become didn't match the reality. 

Though the daughter's mom had been raised in a small town as had her dad, both of the parents grew up differently. Her mom grew up as the only child in her family to pursue an education and was the one that dreamed big. Though she had not received much attention from her parents because her dad passed away and her mom worked a lot to be able to feed her six children, she remained undeterred. Now, the daughter's mom was trying to be hard on her so that the daughter could feel like she had her attention, which led to her being overly strict.The daughter's dad was raised to be in a "perfect world".Where everything was supposed to be done perfectly and the dad expecter his daughter to be "perfect".

Time passed and the daughter started growing up. The parents seem so disappointed at the mistakes she has made and the daughter really tried to change. Even tho she tries to be better every day her mistakes just keep coming back.

The daughter tells the parents what her goals are and what she wants to become as an adult and how much she has grown through the years. But they respond with:  "Nadamas vas a la escuela a hacerte Menza com crees que vas a lograr eso" (You only go to school to do nothing how do you think you are going to achieve your goals). Her goals in that instant have just been leveled down. Although she doesn't want to change what people would like her to be, strangely her parents change the way of her thinking.

She cares about what they think because her parents are supposed to be the ones supporting her and helping her achieve her goals. One day as her family was having lunch, she shared with them that she had been getting A's and that her perspective on the value of education had changed. And what did the dad decide to say you may ask. He said: "No me vengas a decir eso, porque ni que des un gran esfuerzo en la escuela, si ni si quiera haces nada que te beneficie"(Don't come to tell me that, because you don't give a lot of effort in school). The daughter remained silent for the rest of the lunch.

Later that day at about 10 PM, as they were coming back from the store they started talking about what the daughter had said at lunch and the daughter told her dad that there had been times where her friends were the ones who had cheered her up and made her think that her goals were something important, but not hearing that from her parents was disheartening. After she said that she decided to tell them something she was really really hurt and had never said it because she thought her parents wouldn't react in a good way.

The tears flowed down her cheeks once again. She shared,"I don't remember a time in my life since I was little that you or Mom have said to me that y’all are proud of me. I have been living my life having to hear that I am not going to be able to achieve my goals and y’all getting mad at me for every small insignificant thing. Every single year I am being compared to my cousin, but what I am going to tell you is that, I am going to graduate from high school and on my graduation day, I am going to say, the only reason I'm here is to at least hear once out of my parent's mouth that they are proud of me. And if that doesn't still doesn't happen that day or ever I can rest easy as I know that I've tried and no matter what, I love my parents".

And as you may have already noticed, that poor girl who has been struggling and is still waiting for her parents to show they are proud of her, is me, Roxana. Acting like nothing is happening is not good. I speak up so that my parents could know how I see things are happening around me and the way our relationship is going from my perspective. This didn't go as bad because now I see they try to change.