Crystal Clear | Teen Ink

Crystal Clear

March 31, 2016
By CrazyNinjaGirl SILVER, Unknown, California
CrazyNinjaGirl SILVER, Unknown, California
8 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
Im not crazy i just have a twisted imagination

we're all mad here - the Cheshire Cat

 Crystal is half vampire and half cat but has a human body. She has blue cat ears and tail. She has long white hair that looks like fresh fallen snow. Her eyes are dark ocean blue, so pure and Innocent yet dark and mysterious at the same time. Her plump red lips stand out from her pale complexion. She has pearly white teeth with two fangs and razor sharp nails.
 Blood. Blood is what I crave I want to see your blood spill. I want to taste it, I want to smell it. I want to kill. What can I say I’m a killer at heart I can’t help it. I love to see my victims confused and afraid. I love seeing their face change from happy to scared. They say eyes are the windows to your soul and it’s true. When the windows is open, if you look hard enough you can see what a person is feeling. But, what are they hiding when they are closed, what secrets does a person hold in their dreams? Years ago I lost my sanity all because I wanted to follow my dream of being normal. But being normal is boring. Where’s the fun in trying to be like everyone else. I tried so hard. I learned it is impossible to be something you’re not. I can’t forget those days of endless torture.
My parents never loved me. They wanted nothing to do with me. So they sold me to a scientist. His name was Dr. Wilson. He never showed any kindness towards me. He would often beat me if I did not listen. He would perform painful experiments on me. Things then got worse for me. He decided to send me to school. A house full of no good heartless children. Who don’t care about your feelings. Children who can’t accept the fact, that some people are different. Day after day I was bullied but I held that anger in for some odd reason. Until one fateful day all that anger came back at once.

(3 years ago)
My 13th birthday was three days ago and ever since I’ve had a massive headache. I lay in bed enjoying the piece until it is rudely interrupted by the sound of my alarm clock. I hiss at the sound and use my tail to turn it off. Slowly I get out of bed, lazily walk to the bathroom. i do the usual routine of brushing my teeth and washing the night off of my face. Then I dress myself in black leggings and a big gray sweatshirt to cover my tail and a white beanie to cover my ears. I then proceed to braid my  white hair in to two braids and retract my two fangs into my mouth. As I walk towards my front door to leave I hear Dr. Wilson yell in frustration in his lab. “This next experiment will be fun” I say under my breath.
The walk to school was a bit long since I live in the forest but still close to town. The silence is wonderful but my head is still pounding. My craving for blood has gotten stronger, my urge to kill is grown. “What is wrong with me?” I ask to myself. I quickly shrug it off and continue my walk to school. When I get to town I put my hood over my head and silently listen to the whispers avoiding eye contact as much as possible. Somehow the deal my parents made with the different scientists has spread. Some have tried to talk to me but I push them away. They have seen me mad and they fear me. That pleases me. I want them to be afraid I want to see their eyes go wide in shock when they see my fangs and the glow of my eyes. It brings me joy to hear their screams when I bite and kill them. Some were even brave enough to call the police. Luckily for me they have no proof. I keep my kills very secret.
When I arrive at school I’m greeted with mocks and threats. I slowly walk down the halls ignoring everyone and enter my first class, art. Art is my favorite subject. I always found so much freedom in it. I always thought it was funny how people get so many different meanings from one single painting. I’m suddenly pulled out of my thoughts by the sound of the bell,signaling the start of class. My teacher Mr. Diaz walks up to the front of the class and starts taking role. While I wait I analyze the classroom paying attention to every detail, from the flickering light to the small cracks on the floor. Suddenly I hear squeal come from  the front of the class from the one and only Alexandra Olsen, the biggest brat in the school.  Curious I get out of my seat and see what the commotion is. I look to see a small mouse running around the room. Ironically I love mice, I know I’m part cat but I can’t help it. I’ve always had a special connection to animals and sometimes speak to them. I bend down and hold out my hand and silently ask for the mouse to come and he does. The mouse climbs up my arm and rests on my shoulder. I look at it to see he has white fur and shiny black eyes.
“It’s okay, I won’t let them hurt you little guy” I tell him. I look up to see everyone staring at me.
“Ewe the freak is touching a rodent!” Alexandra squeals followed by the sound of ‘ewes’ from her classmates. At that I walk up to her and slap her. Oh, how I’ve wanted to do that for a long time. She stares at me in shock for a second then growls and pushes me down to the ground, hard. When I hit the ground my beanie and hood fly off revealing my blue cat ears. Everyone stares at me including Mr. Diaz. My fangs and tail come out as well. I see Alexandra back away in fear.
“O-oh my gosh... she’s the spawn of the devil!” she yells. When those words left her mouth I felt something inside me click. All the anger I held in suddenly burst out. My dark blue eyes turned into a neon electric blue. My eyes had a glow and looked almost as if there was lightning in them. My tail  stretched out and wrapped around her. She struggled but it was no use I was too strong. I pulled her close to me and stared into her eyes, searching. I kept searching until I found what I was looking for. Her worst fear. When I found it a smirk crawled onto my face. It was so exciting to see tremble in fear. I made her eyes lock into mine.
“Now Alexandra I’m going to ask you a question and you will get three seconds to answer, you get it right  your death will be quick and painless.” I say. All she does is nod “But, if you get it wrong… well you’ll see.” A sob escapes her mouth, hot tears role down her cheeks. "Now tell me, what is your biggest fear, what keeps you up at night? Remember three seconds. One…”
“I don’t know!” she yells
“Please…I-it’s um" She stutters not able to get the truth out.
“Three.” I whisper. I then wrap my tail tighter around her and force her took look into my eyes. She stares and I know what she sees. I laugh while she screams. My razor sharp nails come out and I force them into the side of her neck and scratch. Her screams slowly soften, her eyes turn black and soon a smile spreads across her face as she sees her happiest dream in my eyes slowly rip apart.
“Sweet dreams” I whisper as I her eyes close. I gently lay her down on the ground and cut X’s into her eyelids. Dipping my hands in her blood i walk over to my easel and sit down. My hand touches the easel and like magic the blood slowly spreads across the paper. When my hand rips away i see Alexandra's biggest fear, clowns, painted on with her blood.I stand up licking blood off my hands. I walk out the door, my classmates long gone, smiling and laughing as I skip out of the school the mouse close behind me. I turn around pick up the mouse.
“I think I’ll call you Spirit” I say then continue skipping. I feel so free and guess what my headaches gone.
(End of flashback)

The author's comments:

in spired by many creepasta fan fics and i plan on making this one too

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This article has 5 comments.

on Apr. 11 2016 at 10:31 pm
CrazyNinjaGirl SILVER, Unknown, California
8 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
Im not crazy i just have a twisted imagination

we're all mad here - the Cheshire Cat

ive seen your work and it's amazing i should be learning from you.

Saturn. BRONZE said...
on Apr. 11 2016 at 4:59 pm
Saturn. BRONZE, Las Vegas, Nevada
3 articles 0 photos 55 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The mind is better than the sword"
-Unknown (I'm too lazy to look it up)
"All warfare is based on deception"
-Sun Tzu

Amazing. I should learn from your work. Maybe then, will mine be better.

on Apr. 2 2016 at 12:43 pm
Jtatsu PLATINUM, East Brunswick, New Jersey
26 articles 0 photos 77 comments
As first stories go, this definitely isn't the worst I've seen. But, it does need improvement. Disclaimer: Please do not feel I'm being too harsh. All my suggestions are to help you become a better writer. 1. Grammar and spelling mistakes. I'm not saying that a story needs to be exemplary in its grammar and spelling to be a good story, but personally I was rather irked by the many errors. For one thing, they make you look less professional, and additionally, they can detract from the story. I found, after a while that I began paying more attention to the errors in the story than the story itself, which is never a good sign. The easiest way to fix this is use a software like Microsoft Word. P.S. The correct exclamation should be ew, not ewe. Ewe is a female sheep. 2. Show, don't tell. The classic writer's gripe, right behind writer's block. Show don't tell refers to writing that simply states what is going on rather than leaving things for writers to infer. An example of this would be the entire first paragraph describing the physical appearance of your character. It's completely unnecessary, considering you restate most of your character's physical traits in the story anyway. If it's not a completely important detail that relates to the story at all, it's unneeded. If the character is already considered an anomaly by her classmates because of her cat ears, fangs, and tail, then the fact that she has red lips and white hair isn't all that important. If you really want those details in though, show it while the story is progressing. For instance, instead of saying that her beanie fell off, revealing her blue cat ears, fangs, etc, say something more like "Alexandra shoved me, making me lose my balance. Tumbling head over heels then coming to a halt, I realize that my classmates are frozen, staring at me in horror. I gingerly touch my head and realize that my beanie has fallen off, and my white hair is visible, falling over my shoulders, only amplifying the presence of my twitching cat ears." (This is just an example, so don't feel obligated to write exactly like this. I'm just showing a comparison between showing and telling.) 3. Character development. Your story is very lacking in this department. While this could be in part because of the short length of the story, that doesn't really serve as an adequate excuse. This story leaves me with way too many unanswered questions, and painfully bland characters. Your character was not loved by her parents. Why was this? Was it because she was born with these strange features, or because of something else entirely? Elaborate. What exactly happened in the lab and why is the scientist doing this? What are his motives? Does he have good intentions in letting the main character go to school? Why exactly is your main character a loner? Remember, no one has seen all of her physical features yet; so is it because of her personality as well? Why does your character think that all children all heartless (Please don't just say because all the children at her school are heartless; that's completely unrealistic, and just an overly convenient excuse for your character to hate children. Even fantasy stories have to have some degree of reality.)? Elaborate on Alexandra, don't just say she's a brat. Add more side character interactions. What do other people think of Alexandra? What other things has she done to Crystal besides the actions she took in this one scene? Why exactly does Crystal even have these strange features? Please add specific reasons why she would even have these features. The fact that she suddenly can just talk to animals doesn't really serve any purpose either besides using the mouse as an excuse for Alexandra to go psycho. 4. Setting. I don't know anything about the setting. Where does the scene mainly take place? The school. Where is the school? What does the school look like? What sort of school is it (private, public, school for troubled children, etc)? Where exactly is Crystal at the beginning of the story? The fact that your main use of details is only to talk about your main character's physical features is quite sad, actually, considering that the reason that she was bullied was because of her physical features. Basic summary: fix your grammar and spelling errors, show, don't tell, elaborate on your characters, and spare some details for setting. I know it's a lot to ask, but there is a reason that writers have to constantly go through revision. Please don't be discouraged; the fact that I wrote this much for your writing piece shows that I had enough interest in your story to believe that you can improve your story and improve as a writer. Please keep writing; I'll be looking forward to future development.

on Apr. 2 2016 at 3:12 am
Maculate_Dream DIAMOND, Riverside, California
71 articles 0 photos 83 comments

Favorite Quote:
I have not failed, I just found 10,000 ways to not succeed.

All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.

That was really enjoyable. It was very descriptive and made me picture as the character through each action. Was a fun edperience I had and it would be interesting to see this continue. Keep it up.

Cam_is_Away said...
on Apr. 1 2016 at 7:39 pm
Cam_is_Away, Non, California
0 articles 0 photos 116 comments
Whoa. I guess I should've expected that ending, but I didn't. She is somehow, still, a likable character, and I wish there was more to read. Other than some simple spelling mistakes I don't see anything really. I really love how descriptive it is, and the first paragraph provided some clarity, although I think maybe you could've hinted that and let the story tell it on its own? Either way I liked it. I wish there was more, good job! : )