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Nerd is the Word - Suffolk
The next day….
(The bell rings. Students flood out of the building. A black car containing Tom and Sarah drive in while Dylan, Ryan, and Evan are walking.)
Tom: Watch and learn, Sarah. You gotta change.
Sarah: I know, but killing….it’s just wrong.
Tom: You have mafian blood in you, killing is always the answer. Look see those boys over there?
Sarah: *notices and gasps* You’re not-
Tom: Yes I am. Watch this….
(Tom gets out of the car as Sarah is about to stop him. Tom approaches the three characters.)
Tom: Hey there. Pepsi or Coke?
Dylan: Coke. Pepsi’s ----.
(Tom quickly pulls out a gun.)
Tom: Wrong answer….
(Ryan, Dylan and Evan see this and dodges three shots.)
Dylan: C’mon guys! Let’s split!
(The three nerds get onto their bus and it leaves. Tom runs back to his car and drives after the bus and avoids Sarah’s questions and begging. Few minutes later…)
Dylan: Oh ----….
Ryan: What is it?
(Dylan points to car behind them.)
Evan: It’s that shady guy!
(Tom shoots through window.)
(The group ducks. Ryan is seen giving Tom the middle finger. He attempts to shoot back, but the bus moves.)
Evan: I know what to do.
(Evan takes Ryan’s binder. The bus stops at a stoplight. The shady grins and c***s his gun.)
(Evan throws Ryan’s binder out the window. It busts through the shady guy’s front window and knocks him out. The shady guy’s car swerves onto the side of the road, and explodes. Time slows down and turns gray, then the word “WASTED!” appears in red lettering for a few seconds. Then time goes back to normal and everything gets back into color.)
Dylan: Nice shot, Evan!
(We then cut into the damaged car, and from the passenger door, Sarah appears, wiping dust from her dress. Then she hears a faint voice calling for her. She realises it’s Tom’s voice and rushes over to the driver’s door and gets him out. He appears bleeding and bruised.)
Sarah: NO! NO, BROTHER! Oh no, oh no.
Tom: Sister…..it’s so cold.
Sarah: Yeah, cause….it’s winter.
(Tom smacks her face weakly.)
Tom: NO! I’m dying!
(Tom coughs weakly, despite his sister’s pleas. He limps and dies after a final breath. She shouts “NOOO!” in the skies and looks straight up.)
Sarah: H...How am I going to explain this to dad?!?!?
(She runs off. And then we cut back to the bus, where students are praising Evan for his heroic deed.)
Student: Great job! You pwned that guy!
Another Student: Yeah, but why was he chasing us in the first place?
Ryan: Because Dylan here said Coke was better than Pepsi.
Dylan: But it is!
Student: Yeah. That’s pretty dumb, though. Chasing kids over PEPSI? Come on!
Ryan: I say toast! To our bravery and undeniably awesomeness!
(Everyone gets out Coca-Cola bottles and holds them in the air.)
(Everyone hits their bottles with each others and drink. Later, we cut to a funeral where all of the Mafia is attending. A picture of Tom is seen next to a coffin holding Tom’s body. We then cut to a dark night where the coffin is sinking down to the ground with a grave inscripted “Tom Gulio.” We then cut in a party where everyone is talking quietly and Master Gulio is seen sitting down to a table and several members are talking to him about his loss.)
Mafian: Tom….was a good man. He could definitely take over if you were gone.
Master Gulio: Indeed. He was a good son.
Mafian: I hope whoever had the ----- to do this can burn in hell!
Master Gulio: I hope so, too. Thank you.
(The two shake hands and another member comes up to talk to him, but another Mafian comes up to him and whispers something in Master Gulio’s ear. After he’s done, Master Gulio gets up and excuses himself from the conversation. He and the member walk to a window and the two begin talking.)
Master Gulio: Ignazio, what is the news?
Ignazio: Master Gulio. We have been digging upon on Tom’s death and we have found quite a few things you might want to look into. But first, how’s Sarah doing?
Master Gulio: Not so good. She keeps saying it should have been her that died instead of Tom. She doesn’t take death too well.
Ignazio: Is that why she wouldn't participate in the assassinations? Or does she not want to take over?
Master Gulio: Yes, she wants to become a veterinarian due to her soft spot in animals. Tom was out with her to teach her the ways of the Mafia to knock some sense into her.
Ignazio: Well, hopefully this would make her want to kill. BECAUSE…...we know who killed Tom!
(Ignazio pulls out a picture of Dylan, Ryan, and Evan celebrating over their heroic deed.)
Master Gulio: What???? Three TEENAGERS killed my son? Oh, this is the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever seen, even for Tom!
Ignazio: But hold on, there’s more to them than you think.
Master Gulio: Tell me more.
Ignazio: There names are Ryan, Evan, and Dylan.
Master Gulio: Are they runaways? Warrants of the state?
Ignazio: No and no. Apparently, Ryan is a drunk who attempts to woo ladies who are WAY out of his league, Evan is a slayer of the unknown almost a manipulator of reality itself, and Dylan is a man with a plan. A funny thing about Ryan is he won’t go out with GIRLS he has a chance with. We know quite a bit on Ryan and Evan, but this Dylan…..we’ll have to see.
Master Gulio: …...Find them. And bring them to me…...ALIVE!
Ignazio: Yes, straight away. heh, heh, heh…
(We then cut to the next day. With Evan and Ryan walking in the hallway.)
Evan: I’m telling you, Han Solo is NOT coming back to life in the next Star Wars Movie. Sure, he might come as a ghost, but not an actual HUMAN BEING!
Ryan: But he will come back!
Evan: Oh really?
(Dylan comes into the conversation.)
Dylan: I wish something exciting would happen.
(Mafia leaders named Greg and Bob point to Ryan, Evan, and Dylan from afar.)
Greg: Look, that’s him!
Bob: Who? One of the three kids?
Greg: Worse, Justin Bieber!
(The two start laughing.)
Bob: What do we do? What do we do?
Greg: Here’s a gun. We’ve gotta kill it.
(Bob fires a gun upwards. Everyone runs away but Dylan, Ryan, and Evan, who don’t notice it. A policeman comes on the scene, pulls out his gun and fires at the two. Greg ducks and shoots back. Dylan sees what’s happening and tells Ryan and Evan. They back off and run away. Bob and Greg both fire at the policeman. The policeman barely dodges the shots. They all fire and the policeman talks into a walkie-talkie.)
Policeman: I need donuts and backup, ASAP!
Radio Dispatch: Copy. Ordering from Dunkin Donuts and backup now….
(After a few minutes, two backup cops sneak behind Greg. They knock him down and put him at gunpoint.)
Greg: MURDER! HELP! I’m DYING! CALL THE POL-oh, wait, it is the police…..
Gunpoint Policemen: You have the right to Shut Up.
(While Bob is distracted, another policeman runs up to him and kicks him in the nuts, subduing him.)
Evan: What the heck?
Ryan: Haha. Wimps.
Dylan: We gotta roll! This is trifling!
Dylan: See? The king of trifling agrees. Let’s split!
(Evan, Ryan, and Dylan run off as the gunfight stops. The cops are seen carrying Bob’s body as Greg is seen in handcuffs getting hauled away. As the police car drives away, News reporters are seen filming about the unexpected gunfight between Cops and the Mafia. As that’s over with, a mysterious black car is on the side of the road, with an angered Master Gulio watching.)
Master Gulio: THIS IS BULLSH!T!
(Master Gulio calls some more members in.)
Master Gulio: Hey, get some more people here now, or you’ll regret it.
Mafian voice (v/o): Yessir.
(Five minutes later, six Mafians attack the police in the parking lot. A brutal gunfight ensues. While the police are distracted, three Mafians split up to find Dylan, Ryan, and Evan. Near the end of the school day, two mafians enter Mrs. Patterson’s room. The two pull out guns, and Evan stands up and pulls out his rubber chicken.)
Evan: Come to papa!
(The Mafians throws their guns away and get out rubber chickens.)
Evan: Ah…… F@%#!
(The Mafia men and Evan jump and clash chickens. Meanwhile, one mafian named Gey enters Mrs. Torres’s room.)
Mrs. Torres: Who are you?
(The whole class laughs at him, and he pulls out a gun.)
Gey: NO ONE LAUGHS AT MY NAME!!!!
(Everyone holds their hands in the air in submit, but Dylan just laughs and speaks to Gey.)
Dylan: Hey, so what’s it like being out of the closet?
Gey: OH, YOU-Hey, wait. You’re that Dylan kid.
Dylan: The One and Only.
Gey: *motions gun* You’re coming with me, kid.
(Dylan kicks the gun out of his hand.)
Dylan: I don’t think so!
(Dylan hits Gey in the stomach with a Biology textbook.)
(Dylan finds the gun. Gey pulls out a knife and charges at Dylan. Then the scene cuts back to Evan and the Mafia. They are in a really close Cluck-Fu battle and Ryan is seen hiding under a chair.)
Ryan: Hey! A gun that mafian dropped.
(He then runs towards the gun and aims behind the men.)
Ryan: My time to shine…
(Ryan fires. A Mafian gets hit and crumples over. The other turns around and deflects the bullets with his rubber chicken and walks towards Ryan. )
Ryan: I’m out of ammo! This isn’t good….
(As the Mafian is about to slice Ryan, Evan comes up behind him and smacks off the Mafian’s head. The Mafian tumbles dead and shows a grinning Evan.)
Evan: Talk about Deja Vu.
(The scene switches back to Dylan. Dylan looks behind him and almost dodges the knife in time.)
Dylan: That’s a nasty scrape….
(Gey turns around, infuriated. Dylan remembers the gun and pulls it out. Gey gets down on the floor, begging, “Please, don’t harm me! I love my life! You can’t it away from me!” Dylan grins and c***s the gun.)
Dylan: You’d do great in drama club…..
(Dylan shoots Gey three times in the head and the class cheers for Dylan’s heroic deed and the same cheering is heard in Mrs. Patterson’s room for Evan and Ryan. Dylan goes to Mrs. Patterson’s room.)
Dylan: Mafians for you guys too? Man, we are WINNING it today!
Ryan: I-I-I-I’m on a-
Dylan: Shut up! There’s probably still more of them here!
Evan: He’s right. I wonder how the police are doing?
(The police are shown in the camera room laughing and eating donuts, unaware more Mafians are entering the school. The scene cuts back to Dylan, Evan, and Ryan.)
Evan: Well, we gotta hide.
Dylan: Yeah, or we’re toast!
(Evan and Dylan smack Ryan’s head.)
Dylan: I think I know a way out! FOLLOW ME!
(Dylan runs into the elevator. Ryan and Evan follow. Then the scene cuts to elevator opening on first floor.)
Dylan: To the….uh…..I don’t really know where to go.
(Dylan looks and sees a tour bus.)
Dylan: C’mon, Guys!
(They run on the bus. The bus leaves. But when they turn around. Lewis, a 15-year old with brown hair, a gray coat, black glasses, and green eyes; Christian, a 16-year old mexican boy with muscle and weight with black and gold sweatshirt, black shorts, and black hair; and Khalil, a 15-year old african boy with a black t-shirt and black glasses, and blue jeans are on the bus. Lewis has a baseball bat, Christian has a flail, and Khalil has a tranquilizer gun. They point their weapons at Evan, Ryan, and Dylan.)
Lewis, Christian, and Khalil: RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Evan, Ryan, and Dylan: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Lewis, Christian, and Khalil: WHA-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Evan: WHAT THE F@%#?!?!?
(Evan then recognizes the three weapon-wielder strangers as his friends from Spanish class and greets them.)
Evan: LEWIS! CHRISTIAN! KHALIL! What are you doing here?
Lewis (Voiced by Gideon Emery): Well we heard gunfire and high-tailed it outta there.
Khalil (Voiced by Phil LaMarr): As such. We found this bus thought this would be a good hiding place.
Christian (Voiced by JB Blanc): Yeah. Wait- Who’s driving this?
(They all turn around and find a Mafian driving the bus who points a gun at the six.)
Mafian: Hello there. Hehehe….
Dylan: Who’s driving if you’re pointing a gun at us?
Mafian: I’M driving, you imbecile. There’s a thing called Multi-tasking!
(Khalil calmly walks up to the Mafian while he’s still driving. The Mafian shoots but Khalil hits the Mafian’s gun and shoots his tranquilizer gun at the Mafian, putting him to sleep. He then throws the mafian out the bus’s window, and takes the wheel.)
Dylan: Go Khalil!
Evan: The second wasted this week!
Khalil: Well, where do you guys wanna go?
Dylan: How about Chicago?
Christian: Nah. Let’s go to Mexico City!
Lewis: No way I’m going out of the border. How's Mount Rushmore?
Evan: Sounds interesting. But maybe we should go to a lesser known area? We ARE basically on the run at the moment.
Dylan: There’s a comic book convention in Bellevue, Washington.
Ryan: OH boy! C’mon let's go to the China! I mean Mount Rushmore! I'm so excited!
Christian: Is he ALWAYS like this?
(Dylan and Evan nod.)
Christian: Any objections?
Khalil: Then it’s official, We’re going to Washington!
Evan: Excellent. I use to live in Washington, maybe we could find my old Elementary School or even my old home in Auburn!
Khalil: But maybe we should stop and pick-up a few things. Quick, does everyone have their wallets?
(Everyone raises their hands.)
Dylan: Okay, let’s go!
(They turn to get on the interstate. But nobody notices Master Gulio and a sobbing Sarah in the car behind them.)
Sarah: I’m going to kill them….no...only….that thing named…...Dylan.
Master Gulio: Don’t worry, my darling. They will pay from their murder. *to self* What a whiny brat..
Sarah: Just wondering, who do you hate the most?
Master Gulio: I guess Dylan. He looks up to no good. He definitely looks like trouble. Although, that Evan kid does too. Ryan isn’t that much of a threat, though, he looks like an idiot.
Sarah: He sure is. He babbles on about -------- things.
Master Gulio: And according to Ignazio, they now have some guys named Lewis, Christian, and Khalil on their side. So together, they are powerful. We should try and split ‘em up?
(The scene returns to the bus, Khalil is still driving while Evan, Dylan, Christian, and Lewis are all spread out in different seats. Dylan and Ryan are seated in the all the way back where the back exit is. They’re looking out the window and Dylan sees Sarah and Master Gulio in their car in another road. They both stop at red lights.)
Dylan: Hey, Ryan, isn’t that girl back there the one who you rejected and then dated?
Lewis: Hold up, no offense to both of you, but a GIRL ACTUALLY LIKED YOU?
Dylan: Yeah, she was cute, too. And Ryan rejected her.
Khalil: BOY, why’d you reject the one cute girl who liked you?
(Ryan hides his face in shame while Dylan just waves to Sarah.)
Master Gulio: You know him??
Sarah: Yeah, I dated him.
Master Gulio: Say whaaatttt???
Sarah: Yeah, I dated him. That’s right.
Master Gulio: Hm…. Maybe we can use that somehow…..hehehe….
Sarah: What? Dad, are you gonna kill him?
Master Gulio: Maybe….
(Sarah starts sobbing. And we cut back to the bus.)
Evan: Ey, I dated her, too. She cheated on me with some football jocks.
Christian: Wow…..I DATED HER, TOO!
Lewis: Wait, wait. Raise your hand if you dated a chick named Sarah! Perhaps around that Novemberish-Decemberish time period!
(Everyone raises their hand.)
Dylan: Looking back, I guess a girl liking me was a bit far-fetched.
(Dylan curls up into a ball in the back seat of the bus, but then remembers something.)
Dylan: Hey guys! I just remembered I bought Doritos! Who wants some?
(Everyone raises their hands. As that goes on, Willie Nelson’s “On The Road Again” plays throughout as sequences of the bus being driven shows. Then the camera shows several events happening in the bus such as the teens eating Doritos, watching funny videos, looking at pictures of girls they know in school. As the song’s guitar solo ends, the music fades away and the camera shows the mysterious black car following the bus with Master Gulio and Sarah, Gulio is talking in a walkie-talkie from the radio.)
Master Gulio: *on radio* Alright, commence Operation: Annihilate. Find the group consisting of Ryan, Evan, Dylan, Lewis, Khalil, and Christian.
Mafian on Radio (v/o): We found ‘em, Master.
Master Gulio: Excellent, now we should follow them ,and a series of intense battles are expected. So be prepared for anything.
Mafian on Radio (v/o): We have 19 guns and a ton of C4s. Anything else, sir?
Master Gulio: Yes. Do I have insurance on those cars?
Mafian on Radio (v/o): Uhhhhh……. yeah I think so.
Master Gulio: Alright. I’m pulling over now, have everyone meet me in the following coordinates.
(Master Gulio pulls over and the bus carries on into the interstate. Scene cut back to bus)
Christian: So what’s the plan? Get drunk and go to Washington State?
Lewis: Well first I say we find a better bus.
Evan: What’s the problem this bus?
Lewis: It’s not a PARTY BUS.
Dylan: You mean of those rides with lights and stripper poles?
Ryan: Why do we need poles?
Lewis: In case we meet any nice ladies, of course!
Khalil: You know, I know a good food truck station around this area. Maybe we can steal a food truck and we can have any all you can eat buffet, maybe even sale somethings to make extra money!
Dylan: Good idea.
Christian: NAH! We’re already on the run from the Mafia, why be on the run from anything else?
Lewis: Plus, with a different bus, they’ll never find us!
Dylan: I agree with Christian ,we probably need the cops on our side. Maybe they confiscated a bus we could use?
Ryan: Or there’s an RV place down the street.
(Everyone agrees on this. Cuts scene to RV place.)
Salesman: Welcome to Gary’s RVs!
Dylan: Can we rent an RV?
Salesman: Why, yes, young man, for only $150!
(The police arrive on the scene.)
Policeman: Hey buddy, forget to pay your bills?
(Salesman is taken away.)
Dylan: So…. can we still borrow an RV?
Officer: Sure. You know what? Just take one. We don’t care.
Ryan: Are you serious?
Officer: Yeah. This guy is gonna lose his business anyway. ‘Sides, heard about you six on the news. I’m happy to help you guys out.
(Switch scene to Dylan at the Food Lion.)
Dylan: Doritos, check. Cola, check. Sarah, check. Wait a minute. Sarah?
Sarah: Oh, hey, Dylan…..
Dylan: Tell me, Sarah. What’s it like having six boyfriends?
Sarah: Wait? How do you know about the Evan, the Lewis, the Christian, the Khalil, the Fernando, even the itty bitty Ryan?
Dylan: Read the news, woman? You’ve dated, and even probably done horrible things too, to all of my friends, except for Ryan, and they all told me about it.
Master Gulio: *from a distant aisle* Is Sarah trying to get guys again? I’ve gotta stop this.
(Master Gulio stomps over to confront Sarah, only to find Dylan.)
Master Gulio: Sarah you….well, well, well, just the man I’ve been looking for…..
Dylan: Master Gulio. At first, I thought you were just another of Sarah’s many boyfriends.
Master Gulio: Just how many boyfriends have you had, Sarah?
Dylan: IT’S OVER 9000!
Master Gulio: So you would rather date as many guys as you can than be a part of our Mafia Organization? I disown you, child.
Sarah: But dad…
Master Gulio: Get OUTTA here!
(Sarah walks away. Leaving only Dylan and Master Gulio in the scene.)
Master Gulio: We will meet again, Dylan. I would kill you now, but I’m in a rush because it’s poker night.
Dylan: Respectable, but I WILL defeat you!
(Dylan walks outside. Outside, Sarah is sitting down, crying.)
Sarah: What do YOU want?
Dylan: Why didn’t you tell me about your other five boyfriends?
(Sarah gets mad at Dylan.)
Sarah: You’re not special, you know. You’re nothing! Nothing! My other boyfriends weren’t special either. I just wanted someone to love me, unlike my dad. And now, you’ve ruined it all!
(In the bus, Evan points to Dylan and Sarah.)
Evan: Hey look! It’s Sarah and Dylan.
(Khalil, Ryan, Lewis, and Christian all poke their head out and watches as Sarah throws Dylan onto the parking lot.)
Sarah: You IDIOT! YOU RUINED MY LIFE!
Dylan: *whispering to self* You know, I hate to do this, but…
(Dylan kicks Sarah in the stomach.)
Sarah: What was that for?
Dylan: For cheating on me with five other guys! I get that you want love, but six people? Come on! That’s the highway to hell!
(AC/DC’s “Highway To Hell” as a fight scene between Sarah and Dylan erupts. After 18 seconds of fighting, Sarah punches Dylan to the ground, but he rolls out and kicks Sarah in the face and she stumbles back.. Master Gulio, who just walked outside notices this and smiles.)
Dylan: I’m out. I’m going to get a girlfriend who isn’t a h*e. Good riddance!
(Dylan gets on the RV. He is applauded by everyone else. Dylan goes to the back of the bus and lies down. Lewis approaches him.)
Lewis: Got those cig@rs I asked for?
Evan: And my mints?
Dylan: Okay, jeez. Christian, here’s your bud.weiser; Evan, your mints; Lewis, you prized cig@rs that burned a hole in my pocket, literally and financially; Khalil, your Coke; Ryan, your gum; And me, my chips.
Christian: All set. Khalil! Punch It!
(Khalil starts the fresh RV and they drive off. Sarah, who was still on the ground, slowly gets up and comes face-to-face with her father.)
Sarah: My father! I beg you to forgive me. I was-
(Master Gulio slowly claps and smiles.)
Master Gulio: My young daughter. You have just impressed me. I take back my earlier comment and beg for forgiveness. I see you as the head of the group in your future if I were to pass into the afterlife.
Sarah: Okay, Dad. I’m ready to exterminate. I’m gonna kill Dylan, Evan, Ryan, Christian, Lewis, and Khalil. Woah… I just did that in one breath.
Master Gulio: You’re the best girl a father could ask for. The members should be here any moment. We will find them and finally avenge your fallen brother’s death!
Sarah: I’m ready, Dad. Ready for anything…
Master Gulio: That’s my girl!