Wedding Crasher | Teen Ink

Wedding Crasher

January 22, 2016
By mvyas99 GOLD, Tipp City, Ohio
mvyas99 GOLD, Tipp City, Ohio
14 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Every single person in the world is a stick figure.That is, until you choose to draw their body"


TOM’S APARTMENT. There is a tastefully decorated apartment belonging to a man that clearly has money with a couch in the middle and doors on either side. Tom is coming in through the front door, he is on the phone and is dressed in a nice black suit. He impatiently shuts the door.

TOM
(Getting worked up, talking into his phone)
No, no, you’re not listening to me!
(beat.)
Come on! This has to get done. It was Rebecca’s dream. I mean, sometimes, in life, you have to suck it up and do things you don’t want to do. For example, I don’t want to have an employee that won’t accomplish what I hired her to do, but I do it anyway because it’s part of life.
(beat.)
Whether that’s true or not, we need that money transferred by Tuesday along with the 10,000 dollar “bonus”.
(beat.)
Yes, I am fully aware that it is a bribe.   
(beat.)
Oh you understand, do you, now?
(fake laughs)
Well, next time you call me and take up my time to complain, you can head straight on downtown to the State Unemployment Office and I am sure they can accommodate you there. 
(beat. Then calmly.)
Alright… so with that out of the way, are we still on for dinner tonight?
(The phone cuts off and TOM looks down at it confused)
TOM (cont.)
Hello?
(TOM walks over to the door on the opposite side of the room and exits. There is a knock at the door. TOM ignores it and after a brief pause the knocking continues harder.)
TOM
Hang on a second.
(Pounding on door continues harder.)
TOM
(louder, more angry.)
Hang on a second!
(Rapid pounding escalates as he comes out wearing a sloppy giant huge t-shirt and pulling on a pair of sweatpants, muttering to himself.)
TOM
(angry and out of breath.)
I’m coming!
(TOM opens the door.)
TOM (cont.)
What is your problem!?
(Sarcastically.)
Is the building on fire-
(VERONICA storms in wearing a large and poofy white wedding dress. She hysterically looks around for somewhere to hide and then finally realizes TOM is standing there.)


VERONICA
(screams.)
You! You have to help me!


TOM
What the-


VERONICA
Do you have a closet? A bathroom?
(She looks around more and then an idea pops into her head.)
Ooh! Do you have a car that I can borrow?


TOM
(still in shock.)
No! I don’t have a car that you can “borrow.”


VERONICA
(sympathetically.)
Oh, are you one of those people that bikes everywhere?


TOM
Look lady- and this might surprise you-
But I have no idea who you are.

(Tom gets out his phone.)

And I am calling the cops.
VERONICA
(Collapses on the ground and begs.)
No, no, no! I’ll do anything but don’t call the police!
(sudden realization as she stands up.)
My dad will find out!
(shrieks.)
Then my fiancé will find out!
(shrieks again.)
And then everyone will know!
(VERONICA runs to the couch and collapses on it as TOM watches her annoyed.)
VERONICA
(pauses then looks up from the couch.)
Aren’t you going to ask me what’s wrong?
TOM
(sarcastically.)
Is “no” an option?
(looks at his watch and sits down next to her.)
You have exactly 72 seconds.
VERONICA
(takes a deep breath and then talks at infomercial speed.)
Okay, well, this might be a bit shocking – I was supposed to get married today but there was a slight change of plans and so I jumped off of the balcony- it was only the second story- and then I ran here because I couldn’t walk down the aisle and face all of those people staring me down and I couldn’t say I do because I don’t  and so I saw that your light was on and I came in here to escape but it’s actually a shame because we were headed to Morocco and I was planning to buy some really cool maracas and I heard that it’s the only place that they sell them in the U.S!
(VERONICA turns to a speechless TOM.)
TOM
(beat.)
There are so many things wrong about that statement.
VERONICA
(begging.)
Will you let me hide out, then? I will be really quiet; you won’t even know I’m here.

TOM
(beat. Then sighs.)
Fine.
(Veronica starts to squeal loudly.)
But only until that delinquent that decided to marry you comes to take you back to Beverly Hills. I wouldn’t want you to miss the next episode of The Real Housewives. 
VERONICA
Excuse me, I don’t watch TV. I read a book once that said it will rot your brain.
TOM
(shocked.)
You know how to read?
VERONICA
And my fiancé is not an idiot. He went to Whale University.
TOM
(beat.)
You mean Yale University.
VERONICA
(enthusiastically.)
Yeah, that one!
He’s a lawyer. He busts criminals, just like the police, except he doesn’t eat donuts.
(beat. She looks up dreamily and sighs)
He’s allergic to carbs.
TOM
Well if he’s so great then why don’t you want to get married?
VERONICA
(looks out longingly.)
Well, I don’t know. I guess he was just too perfect.
TOM
Oh, yeah, I hate when that happens.
VERONICA
I know! Every guy I meet is tall and gorgeous and smart and caring and a millionaire and-
TOM
(exasperated.)
Alright, I get it!
VERONICA
I mean, for once I just want to date a guy who has a muffin top and only showers every other day.
(VERONICA examines TOM.)
Oh my gosh! Someone like you!
(beat.)
Even though your complexion is seriously terrible and your hair is practically white, it’s ok…I have start somewhere, right?
TOM

(pauses.)
Yeah, too bad I only date people who have an I.Q over 40.
VERONICA
(angrily, like she is complaining.)
I mean, my fiancé was just so sweet and generous and charming.
And it almost made me sick how charitable he was.
TOM
(sarcastically.)
Sounds like you’ve had a pretty hard life.
(beat.)
So, what’s this guy’s name?
VERONICA
Terrance.
TOM
(gently.)
Oh, so he’s gay?
VERONICA
(confused)
Yeah, he is pretty happy most of the time.
(Desperately.)
It’s just that whenever I’m with him I feel like he never listens to anything I say. It’s like he isn’t even interested in my opinion.
TOM
It’s probably because he already knows your opinion to every question.
VERONICA
(sassy.)
And what would that be?
TOM
(does a model wave.)
World Peace.
VERONICA
Ok, well how about you, Mr.-Thinks-He’s-All-That? Do you even know what an a hundred dollar bill looks like? Do you even know what President is on it? It’s Benjamin Franklin.
TOM
(Hysterically then defensively.)
Benjamin Franklin wasn’t – you know what? Never mind. And for your information, I am an entrepreneur.
(beat.)
You know what that is…right?
VERONICA
Yes, I’m not a complete idiot, Okay? I know what an entrée renewer is.
(beat.)
It’s like a waiter, right?
TOM
(frusterated, looks to the ceiling)

Take me now, God. I’m ready.
VERONICA
(in a soothing voice.)
What? No! Suicide is never the answer. Trust me, it will get better.
TOM
Yeah, it will get better when you leave.
(TOM stands up and walks toward the door to the bedroom.)
Look, you can hide out here - or whatever you’re doing - but I ‘m just going to be in the other room contemplating all of my life choices.
(VERONICA starts to whimper and cry. TOM stops, listens, gives a big sigh, then shrugs. He enters the bedroom. VERONICA looks up and sees that he’s gone. She starts to cry harder and louder.)
TOM
(beat. TOM comes back out of the bedroom and looks at VERONICA. He starts to slam the door into his head repeatedly. He looks up and crosses to the couch.)
Are you crying?
VERONICA

(crying hysterically.)
I…just….don’t…know…what…to…do!
VERONICA (cont.)
(still crying.)
Even a lame grandpa like you doesn’t want to hang out with me!
TOM
Okay, first of all we are probably close to the same age.
VERONICA
(She looks up while still crying hysterically.)
Nope.
TOM
Look, lady, I-
(VERONICA starts to cry even harder.)
TOM (cont.)
(looks up to the ceiling and screams.)
WHY?!
(collects himself and sits on the couch next to VERONICA and tries to comfort her.)
There, there.
VERONICA

(calms down.)
Do you think I was stupid to jump off the church balcony?
TOM
No, no. That’s not why I think you’re stupid.
VERONICA
(Desperately.)
I mean I just had no idea what to do, you know? There was no one to talk to. No one knows what I was going through.
TOM
(Beat. softer; letting his guard down.)
Trust me, someone somewhere can relate. 
VERONICA
I doubt it.
(starts to cry again.)
Why does everything bad always happen to me?!
TOM
(yells over her cries.)
I was engaged a few years ago, just like you.
VERONICA
(immediately stops crying.)
You were?
(picks up his hand and examines it.)
Well that obviously didn’t go well.
(laughs hysterically.)
Did she cry when you left her?!
TOM
Actually, she left me.
VERONICA
(taken aback and digusted.)
Ooh…
TOM
It was the worst day of my life.
VERONICA
Ooh. Well, can you, like, call her?
TOM
(miserably.)
They don’t have phones where she is.
VERONICA
Oh… Piqua?
TOM
Yeah…sure.
(frusteratedly)
Look, can I just go?
VERONICA
(beat. And leans over to Tom.)
No. And not to sound conceited or anything but how is this supposed to make me feel better?

TOM
(beat.)
It’s not.
VERONICA
(whiny.)

Then why are you telling me it?!
TOM
Because everyone – and I mean everyone – gets nervous and doubtful and terrified when it comes to commitment. You would be crazy if you didn’t. And that’s the reason that you’re going to go back to that church and get married.
VERONICA
What?! No! I-
TOM
(knowingly.)
What?
(beat.)
You’re not ready to get married? You don’t know if he’s the right guy? You’re scared to make the commitment of spending the rest of your life with one person? Can I ask you something, lady?
VERONICA
You just asked me, like, four questions.
TOM
Have you ever doubted your relationship before today at the altar?
VERONICA
(slightly embarrassed.)
No.
TOM
Could you make it through every day without your fiancé?
VERONICA
(beat. Then confidently.)
No.
TOM
Do you love him?
VERONICA
(She has an epiphany.)
Yes!
TOM
(Jumping up and grabbing his keys.)
Alright, let’s get you back to Terrance!
VERONICA
(Runs to the door then stops and looks back.)
Wait…who?
TOM
Uh…you’re fiancé?
VERONICA
Oh! Yeah!
(TOM smacks himself in the forehead. They both walk towards the front door and TOM opens it. He looks back at VERONICA for the last time.)
TOM
(extending his hand.)
Oh, by the way, I’m Tom.
VERONICA
Veronica.
(They shake hands and VERONICA exits through the front door. TOM pulls his phone out of his pocket and dials a number. He holds it up to his ear.)
TOM
(cheerfully.)
Hello?
(beat.)
Yeah it’s me…
(TOM exits and shuts the door behind him. Blackout.)


The author's comments:

This is a story about old and new love. It is about discovering your insecurities and facing your deepest fears. About friendship and trust and loyalty, not only to the people around you, but to yourself. Trust in that every day you will take a step to better the person you were yesterday. 

 

It is also a story about learning the actual definition of the word love because, yes, some people are just that stupid. 


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