Cast of Characters

Old Jane Marshall: Ninety-six years old. Lives a content life in a nursing home and is often visited by her kids and their families (though her husband has passed). Smart and clever. Thinks she is satisfied with how she's lived her life.
Presenter Lady: TedTalk-ish woman / heavenly being. Appears to be around 20-30 years old; peak life. Actually never had a life. Fun, confident personality with smiley, professional speaker vibes. The kind of put-together woman who wears colorful business suits. Caring. Speaks like she is actively giving a TedTalk.
Young Jane Marshall: Seventeen. Junior in high school. Bright, creative, intelligent, ambitious, kind. Loves books, nature, and writing.

Setting
An old woman’s bedroom in a nursing home. Year 2103. US suburb. Morning.

At rise: A bed. A nightstand with a phone, a few pills, and a water bottle on top; a book is hidden in one of its drawers. A large projector screen that seems out of place. A podium. A staircase that leads offstage. OLD JANE MARSHALL lies in bed asleep. It is early morning, so the room is dark.

(It’s a calm, slow scene as PRESENTER LADY descends the staircase from offstage and happily sets up her laptop at the podium, preparing for a presentation of some sort. She sips a water bottle as she connects her laptop to the projector screen in the quiet of the morning. There is nothing on the screen yet.)

(A phone alarm goes off in the darkness. Old Jane slowly sits up, turns it off, and picks up her medicine from the nightstand. Presenter Lady flips the lights on with a snap, and the play springs into action as Old Jane jumps in shock, dropping her meds.)

PRESENTER LADY
(Excited.) Takin’ the morning meds?

(Old Jane sees Presenter Lady and clutches her heart, recovering.)

OLD JANE
Oh my gosh, you scared me. Usually, my caretakers don’t come in this early!

(Presenter Lady pauses in confusion, thinking. She realizes Old Jane’s meaning.)

PRESENTER LADY
Oh, you’re thinking I’m a—OH! (Laughs.) I’m not part of the nursing home staff. I don’t work here, I’m from—well. (Laughs. She’s excited.) Alright, I’m not quite sure how to say this, but I’m just gonna jump on in. I’m from… above.

OLD JANE
… Upstairs?

(Presenter Lady pauses.)

PRESENTER LADY
No. Above!

(She poses, suddenly hit with heavenly light and heavenly music. They cut out, and she returns to her casual, happy self.)

PRESENTER LADY (cont’d)
I’m here to help you move on. Because you just died!

(Old Jane pauses, raising her eyebrows and processing as she stares at Presenter Lady. A beat.)

OLD JANE
I’m sorry, DIED?

PRESENTER LADY
Yes! So, you went to bed normally last night, and now it’s six A.M. on Tuesday, June 11th, 2103, and you just passed away peacefully in your sleep! A great way to go. And nice job on ninety-six years! People are living so long these days it’s getting a little weird, so I think ninety-six is a good age to give the bucket a kick.

(Old Jane is in shock.)

OLD JANE
(Concerned.) I… am dead?

PRESENTER LADY
As a doornail. You have bitten the dust. You have taken your final bow. You have hit your expiration /date—

OLD JANE
(Quickly.) /OKAY, I GET IT, I’M DEAD. (A beat.) Wait. I’ve thought about this. (She begins to calm herself.) I was prepared. You know, it’s fine! I’m happy with my life, and I’m ready to go.

(She smiles, resolving to be happy.)

PRESENTER LADY
Yesss! Makes it easier for me. So—

OLD JANE
Wait, how does—are you my guardian angel?

PRESENTER LADY
Oh no, girl, I’ve never even looked down on you before. You seem like a queen though.

OLD JANE
Thanks! “Queen”—now there’s a phrase I haven’t heard in a while.

PRESENTER LADY
Oh yeah, excuse my old-fashioned vocab. This is my first time on Earth, even as an apparition lady.

OLD JANE
(A little shocked but loving it.) Oh. No problem! So how do I move on?

PRESENTER LADY
(Remembering the task at hand.) MMM! It’s a simple two-step process. One: you sit there. Two: I present this slideshow detailing an overview of your life!

(A slideshow pops up on the projector screen, connected to Presenter Lady’s laptop.)

(SLIDE 1: TITLE SLIDE. “Jane Marshall, 2007-2103”.)

OLD JANE
(Just now noticing the projector screen in the middle of her room, she jumps abruptly.) AGH!! When did that get there?

PRESENTER LADY
Irrelevant. All you have to do is watch and listen, and you’re outta here!

(Old Jane puts on her glasses and puts in her hearing aids. She gives two thumbs-ups.)

PRESENTER LADY (cont’d)
K—Oh, and just so you know, I didn’t actually make this slideshow, so I’m sorry if my delivery is a little rocky.

OLD JANE
Oh, you’re fine.

(Presenter Lady procures a hidden bucket of movie theater popcorn and happily hands it to Old Jane.)

OLD JANE (cont’d)
Ooh, thanks. Wait, if you didn’t make the slideshow, who did?

PRESENTER LADY
You did. (Gestures to the screen and begins.) Jane Marshall, 2007 to 2103!

(SLIDE 1 adds a funny picture.)

OLD JANE
Oh, look at that.

(Presenter Lady switches to the next slide. There is some strange, drawn-out transition animation, like the one that makes the slide into a paper airplane.)

OLD JANE (cont’d)
(Approving.) Hm.

PRESENTER LADY
Early Years!

(SLIDE 2: “EARLY YEARS” SECTION TITLE.)

(SLIDE 3: “CHILDHOOD”.)

PRESENTER LADY (cont’d)
Alright, looks like you were born in Dayton, Ohio in 2007! Two loving parents, Meg and Thomas. Aww…

(Old Jane smiles at the slideshow, happy.)

PRESENTER LADY (cont’d)
Oh my gosh, you were such a fun kid! Look at you, doing your own thing…

(SLIDE 3 adds multiple funny pictures of JANE as a kid, playing and writing little stories to her heart’s content.)

OLD JANE
(Happy.) Ah, that was so long ago.

PRESENTER LADY
(Still upbeat and positive.) I know… Golden childhood. Can’t wait to see what you do next.

(SLIDE 4: “MIDDLE SCHOOL”. Pictures of middle school trends from the 2010-20s. Still funny.)

PRESENTER LADY (cont’d)
(With the air of “ohhhh rough”.) Ooh, your class started the Teenage Slump… So, you started seeing yourself through the eyes of other kids for the first time, and you fell into that weird social hierarchy of trying to be liked—happens to the best of you people… But you kinda got sucked into wearing what “everybody else” was wearing, judging who “everybody else” was judging, et cetera. Aw, kinda sad. Used to be so creative and confident.

(Old Jane frowns a little.)

PRESENTER LADY (cont’d)
(Focusing on the positive.) But you still had a decent middle school experience, finding decent friends and all, so that’s good.

(Old Jane nods along, a little surprised and unhappy about that but still content.)

(SLIDE 5: “HIGH SCHOOL”. Pics of high school Jane with friends.)

PRESENTER LADY (cont’d)
Then high school! You definitely found a nice group, even though, mmm, you did start thinking a lot about how you looked and whether or not you were pretty, comparing yourself to other girls… that/stinks—

OLD JANE (cont’d)
(Still in a decently good mood but a little concerned.)/Wait, okay, that’s true, but I also did a lot of great stuff! I was valedictorian, and I got a 35 on the ACT/

PRESENTER LADY
(Peering at the screen.) /Mmmm, the speaker notes don’t mention any of that. It says you worked hard and used your brain to its full capacity, which you were proud of, but you also had a blast and made great memories with your class. Oh, though it does have a little asterisk saying you spent a lot of time with people who brought you down.

OLD JANE
Wait, what—?! (She shakes her head and brushes this off, determined that she had a good life.) Okay, let’s just move on to the next slide.

PRESENTER LADY
Alright! Your twenties and thirties!

(SLIDE 6: “TWENTIES AND THIRTIES” SECTION TITLE.)

(SLIDE 7: “COLLEGE”. Pics of Jane at NYU, friends, experiences, studies.)

PRESENTER LADY
Oh great, you went to NYU and loved it! Met a great guy—Preston, okay! He seems like a cutie. The two of you were friends, but you were secretly crushing on him… I bet you ended up together. Ooh, looks like you planned to major in English on the Creative Writing side, become an author/

OLD JANE
/Well, I ended up in journalism, actually. News writing. And I didn’t marry Preston—I married Jackson. We worked at newspapers in New York together for a while after grad school.

(Presenter Lady is a little disappointed, peering at the speaker notes as she flips through slides.)

(SLIDE 8: “GRAD SCHOOL”. More pictures from NYU, this time the graduate program.)

SLIDE 9: “STARTING A CAREER”. Pictures of JANE working in journalism/news offices.)

(SLIDE 10: “ROMANCE”. Pictures of Preston appear then get crossed out. Pictures of Jackson appear bigger.)

PRESENTER LADY
Oh. Oh. Oh, yes, I see, Jackson Marshall. Oh.

OLD JANE
… What is it?

PRESENTER LADY
(Remembering to be positive.) Oh, it’s nothing! It’s fine. It just looks like—well…

OLD JANE
(Getting concerned now.) What?

(A beat. Presenter Lady is internally debating whether or not to say what she’s seen in the speaker notes—what she truly thinks. Knowing she’ll probably regret it, she takes a deep breath and blurts it all out very quickly, almost wincing in fear of Jane’s reaction.)

PRESENTER LADY
(Blurting.) Preston was your true love, but you didn’t think he liked you back, so you never asked him out when really he liked you but didn’t say anything because his roommate Jackson liked you too. So, you married Jackson, and he was fine, but… I don’t know! Also… journalism was never your dream!

(She immediately cups her hand over her mouth, questioning whether she should have said any of that. Jane pauses, staring at Presenter Lady and at the slideshow.)

OLD JANE
(Deciding to remain optimistic, but still concerned.) … Okay, so some things didn’t work out. Everything turned out fine. Go on.

PRESENTER LADY
(Meekly.) Okay.

(SLIDE 11: “FAMILY”. Pictures of JANE and JACKSON’s two kids appear.)

PRESENTER LADY (cont’d)
AWWWW! Look at these cuties… Gracie and Will. Aw, it says you raised them really well!

OLD JANE
There’s one thing I did right.

PRESENTER LADY
(Supportive.) Oh, don’t say that.

(SLIDE 12: “FORTIES AND FIFTIES” SECTION TITLE.)

PRESENTER LADY (cont’d)
Dang, this is moving very quickly.

(SLIDE 13: “RAISING THE KIDS AND WORKING”.)

OLD JANE
Yeah, those years went by so fast. What was it, the 2040s? 50s?

(SLIDE 14: “KIDS GO OFF TO COLLEGE AND CAREERS”. Pictures of kids grown.)

PRESENTER LADY
2060s now.

(SLIDE 15: “SIXTIES AND SEVENTIES” SECTION TITLE.)

PRESENTER LADY (cont’d)
Oh, now you’re sixty.

(SLIDE 16: “RETIREMENT”.)

OLD JANE
What the heck?! We were just on raising the kids! Now I’m retired?!

PRESENTER LADY
Yeah… But it’s okay! Looks like you got some great travel in with Jackson. (Peering at the speaker notes with a smile.)

OLD JANE
… Well, we went to one or two places. It kinda got away from us.

(A beat.)

PRESENTER LADY
… How?

OLD JANE
I don’t know.

(Presenter Lady pauses, the mood a little solemn, and then she switches the slide.)

(SLIDE 17: “EIGHTIES AND NINETIES” SECTION TITLE.)

(SLIDE 18: “NURSING HOME”. Pictures of Old Jane with kids and grandkids.)

OLD JANE
Oh yeah, I moved into the nursing home when Jackson died in 2085.

PRESENTER LADY
(Calmly.) It looks nice.

(SLIDE 19: “LIFE IN STATS” SECTION TITLE.)

OLD JANE
What’s this section?

PRESENTER LADY
(A little apprehensive.) Uh, this is just a little summary of your life in hours and percentages. I’m sure it’s no big deal.

OLD JANE
(Ready.) Okay.

(SLIDE 20: “PIE CHART OF LIFE”. The slide shows a pie graph, and with each click, the name of each section of the pie is revealed. Presenter Lady clicks to each name as she speaks it.)

PRESENTER LADY (cont’d)
So, here’s all 96 years of your life and what you did with them. 26 years sleeping—

OLD JANE
What?!

PRESENTER LADY
(Continuing, a little nervous.) Uh, yes, these are all statistics based on how the minutes added up in total. So, for “years at work”, you would say “I worked in journalism for forty years,” but technically you spent 13 years solely at work. And you spent 7 years trying to fall asleep. 10 years in school. 4 years eating. 1 year and 4 months exercising. 1 year and 3 days socializing. 22 years doing other things.

(A beat.)

OLD JANE
(In disbelief.) Twelve years on screens…?

PRESENTER LADY
Don’t worry, this next part’s happy.

(SLIDE 21: “STATS IN DETAIL”. Items pop up one by one as Presenter Lady speaks them.)

PRESENTER LADY (cont’d)
(Mood falling as she goes on.) Time spent with loved ones! … 2 years. Time spent grateful! … 2 years. Time spent following passions—reading and writing: 2 years. Time spent in nature: 1 year. Time spent bouncing back from struggles: 6 months. Time spent actively being kind… 6 months.

(Old Jane is in deflated disbelief, almost frozen.)

OLD JANE
(Quietly.) Only two years reading and writing? Two years with books?

(Presenter Lady, with no comment, switches to the next item on the list, which is “Time spent in a bad mood or complaining.” She really doesn’t want to read the next few lines.)

PRESENTER LADY
The next few aren’t that important, we can skip/

(Old Jane steps closer to the laptop.)

OLD JANE
/No. This is the last slide. Just finish it.

(PRESENTER LADY pauses before continuing, now despairing.)

PRESENTER LADY
Time spent in a bad mood or complaining. (Pause.) 10 years. Time spent hating people: 10 years. Time spent sleep-deprived: 10 years. Time spent distracted instead of following passions: 8 years. Time spent with people that didn’t make you feel loved: 8 years. Time spent changing your original appearance to look prettier: 7 years. Time spent jealous of others: 7 years. Time spent thinking of the past or future: 7 years. Time spent passing by chances due to fear: 6 years. Time spent—

(She pauses, knowing what the last one says. It hasn’t showed up on the screen yet.)

PRESENTER LADY
(Starting to close the laptop.) Well, that’s really it/

OLD JANE
/What does it say.

PRESENTER LADY
Really, it’s not important—

(Old Jane grabs the laptop and clicks it herself, looking up at the screen as she does. It reads, “Time spent trying to be someone other than Jane Marshall”.)

(Old Jane and Presenter Lady stare at the screen, both scared to see the number. Old Jane clicks it. It reads, “23 years.”)

(Old Jane is frozen, her regrets overwhelming. She knows that she is NOT satisfied with her life, but it is too late. She switches the slide to a black screen, stony and dismayed beyond belief. Presenter Lady doesn’t know how she could possibly help.)

(SLIDE 22: BLACK SCREEN.)

(The phone alarm from the beginning goes off once more. Old Jane and Presenter Lady both appear to “break character”, glancing at each other with smiles. Young Jane walks onstage neutrally, getting into the bed as if she’s been sleeping there the whole time. Old Jane and Presenter Lady glance at the bed as lights come up on it and Young Jane stirs, reaching sleepily to turn off the alarm.)

(Silently, Presenter Lady gives a thumbs-up and a smile to Old Jane. Presenter Lady takes the laptop and gestures that Old Jane can head back up the staircase. Old Jane mouths “thank you” and quietly ascends it. Presenter Lady swiftly sets the open laptop on Young Jane’s nightstand and ascends the staircase herself, glancing over her shoulder with a final smile at Young Jane before disappearing.)

(Young Jane shoots up in bed, alarmed. She has remembered the experience and is shocked and confused by it. Terrified, she grabs her phone to check the date and time, double-checking it on her watch. The audience can’t see it, but Young Jane sees that it’s 6:01 A.M. in 2023. She checks her hands and face for wrinkles; her skin is youthful. Excitement dawning, she has one final thing to check before she can be sure it was all a nightmare. She grabs the open laptop from her nightstand and clicks it.)

(The slideshow from earlier has disappeared; the only thing there is a new, blank slideshow, beginning with the plain white title slide that reads, “CLICK TO ADD TITLE”. It appears on the projector screen for the audience to see.)

(SLIDE 23: CLICK TO ADD TITLE.)

(Young Jane is wildly relieved. SHE IS ALIVE, AND SHE HAS HER WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF HER. In a snap, she jumps out of bed and sets the laptop on the bed facing the audience. She picks up her phone from the nightstand and shuts it in the drawer, instead taking out a novel, which she holds and looks upon with excitement and hope in her eyes. And she runs out into the world with it. The audience is left with the projector screen reading “CLICK TO ADD TITLE”.)