I wander through the starlight. Crystals flutter past my eyes but I do not flinch, something jets behind my ear and cuts my hair. I have always wanted short hair I think to myself carefree. I never wonder too long through the meadows of the dark abyss. I would not want to stray too far from the daytime for I would be sure to get lost.
I have only seen the sunlight once. A glorious affair, all the plants from far and wide stretched their stems to reach it. Maybe grow long enough to spread seeds in the sunlight. Silly them I think. I would never want to leave this place, although dark all year it is beautiful. They cannot stand the darkness, but I drink it in. Almost as tasty as the loneliness I think. Maybe one day she will return. She has gone for so long I worry she has forgotten about me. Silly old me, too you to leave I think, too scared. I never really wanted to leave, but she could not wait to drink in the sunlight instead of darkness. I do not think it was abandonment, rather a leave of absence forever.
I mustn’t miss her I think. I must be strong for as long as she is gone. That is what she told me before she left, and in this case it is forever. I must be strong forever. I seem to stumble. The ground is up and down, shaking. My world, shaking. I do not try to stand because I know the inevitable. The cracks in the ground reach out towards me like a steadying hand. I have strayed too far. The abyss is always changing and I have gone too far. I am not scared I think. I must not be scared. The black is deep and never ending. I am too slow to out run the abyss, everyone is. Even if I could run I probably wouldn’t because I am not one to stop fate. I wander, I gaze at nothing for hours, but I am not one to stop fate. I fall into the abyss.
I see nothing. I am not sure whether my eyes are open because of the darkness. I feel at home. I am used to darkness and the sweet loneliness makes me feel at home. I will never see the sunlight, and this makes me realise I never really wanted to. I fall asleep weightless.
I wake up and someone is nudging me awake.
“So you are a new comer in the abyss” Says a voice.
I open my mouth about to speak but I cannot find the words to say so I do not bother. I should probably be scared of this stranger but I feel like nothing can scare me for I have just fallen into an abyss.
“Uh huh.” I say.
“Are you a bit shocked to be alive” Says the voice again.
“Honestly, a bit disappointed. I worked myself up for nothing.” I answer.
“Well, welcome to the abyss. Sorry it disappointed you” It says.
“Who are you anyway?” I say in a dull tone like it is the polite thing to say and I just want to go back to sleep.
“The name is Louie. What is yours?” It answers.
“You can call me nothing, names do not seem that important round about now.” I say.
“Okay… nothing, do you want to meet everyone?” It says.
“I guess I have nothing better to do” I reply.
It tugs at my arm.
“I will lead you down.” It says.
“You have to make yourself as small as possible and try to avoid riding to up drafts.”
I follow the advice and make myself into a small ball. I go down fast, I can see a small glimmer of light. It is puzzling but enough doesn’t make sense so I do not care. As the light gets bigger the voice turns into Louie, the person tugging my shirt. As we keep plummeting I can see a person. Louie gestures,
“This is everyone.” Says Louie. An old woman waves. I keep plummeting further than Louie and her, I do not care.
“Spread out your arms.” Louie says just before I am lost too far down to hear. I spread out my arms and meet with them.
“Act natural okay.” Louie instructs. I go back to the position I was in before. Half lying, half sitting. The sounds echo about in the darkness. A lantern sits next to the lady in the chair.
“Hello there, I see you seem to have fallen into the abyss. You must be quite shaken, come and I will pour you a cup of tea” Says an old lady sitting in the chair.
She continues. “You are probably wondering where you are. Are you?”
“I know I have fallen into the abyss but I am confused why I am not dead yet?” I say.
“You see you are still in the abyss. This is the abyss, we are still falling.” She says.
“Oh, makes sense I guess.” I say as she hands me a cup of tea. I sip the tea in the broken silence next to the old lady with her grey hair standing on end.
“How rude of me. I am Janice, I am 62 years old and I have been in the abyss for 12 hours says the old lady.
“Are there others?” I ask.
“There were those with us who wished to get to the bottom. They do not believe the abyss is endless. Once they saw that they had gone too far to even hope of climbing back up they decided death was a better fate than this. Or whatever is at the bottom.” Janice replies.
We talk for hours about the abyss, the outside world and all sorts but eventually I drift to sleep, weightless again.
I awake. Louie and Janice are still sleeping. I do not know how they can sleep with such a weird feeling. Always falling is confusing. This whole world is confusing, I just need to get out. Need some space. They might think it is endless but I don’t.
I curl up in a ball. The light shrinks until it is complete darkness. I have my eyes shut because I cannot bare to look at nothing, it is torture. I do not care if I plummet to the ground, maybe I will be free at last. I have never been free. Even outside in the crater it is an illusion of freedom. Freedom does not really exist, it is just a fancy word to make us feel better. I am trapped in the abyss, there is no way up or out, so I want to plummet. Maybe death makes freedom have meaning, as it is the only pure kind of freedom I know of so far.
I do not know how long I fall for, it could be hours, seconds or even days. Time seems to mush together into a blob when there is no day or night. Not just darkness, because I lived in darkness all my life. A sort of darkness where there is no sight. You are blind. Not just darkness where it is hard to see, I thought I loved drinking in darkness but I was wrong. That was fake darkness, this is real and it is scary.
I hit. I die. I see nothing but darkness for a while.