It is a cold, Monday morning in downtown Chicago on July 7, 1985. The clock reads fifteen till seven. Declan stares at the popcorn textured ceiling for twenty minutes before realizing he has to get ready for work. He finally gains enough momentum to push himself off the bed. He screams down the hallway to Bridget, “Bridge, have you seen my razor?” This is unlike Declan. He always knows the location of all his things.
“Yes dear, it’s in the medicine cabinet next to the Prozac.” He finds the blue razor in the medicine cabinet exactly where his wife had told him. He looks at the razor and decides he wouldn’t have enough time to shave before work. He jumps in and out of the shower and is fully clothed in ten minutes. He runs down the stairs to grab his morning coffee. Before leaving, he sees his wife in the kitchen and gives her a kiss.
“Are you ok Declan?” she asks.
“I’m alright; I had a dream about dad last night. I heard him Bridget.”
“What? I don’t think you’re ok. Have a seat.” Bridget insists. Bridget directs her husband to the living room and sits him down on the couch. She calmly sits beside him while placing both of her hands on his knees. “Tell me more,” she whispers.
Declan’s hands are shaking. His body rocks back and forth slowing while stuttering, “I saw him Bridge, I heard him too. He was wearing tattered clothing, his hair was long and scruffy, his watch was cracked and his face was bleeding. He said in a raspy voice, ‘I love you son.’ then disappeared.”
Bridget looks at her husband with an expression of concern on her face. She then asks, “What else did he tell you?”
Declan stutters, “He told me that I wasn’t responsible for his death. That it was important for me to move on without feeling guilty.” While saying this, Declan stares at the black and white photo of his father on the mantle next to the vanilla candle. “It feels like just yesterday he passed away. I can’t believe it has already been three years. I think about what happened all the time. If I had driven him that day, I would be dead. The drunk driver would have run into me, not dad. Sometimes, I wish I was dead because being dead is better then living and wishing he was here.” A tear rolls down his cheek and into his mouth. The saltiness of the tears connects him to reality. He stares down at his gold watch and realizes that he has lost track of time. “Oh crap, I’m going to be late for work.” He kisses his wife’s pregnant belly before heading out the door.
The moment Declan gets into the car, his tears drip rapidly like a waterfall into his lap. He bangs the steering wheel out of frustration. “I want to die. It has to be easier then living this miserable life without him!” Declan screams. Thirty minutes pass by and Declan has yet to leave his driveway. Declan soon notices that he is going to be late for work if he doesn’t leave at that moment. He calms down enough to start the car and begins to drive to work. Declan stares at his watch with nervousness. He knows he only has five minutes before class starts. He puts his foot on the gas petal and is driving about seventy five miles per hour. He looks down because he hears his wife calling on his cell phone. While trying to pick up the phone, he loses the grip of the steering wheel. “What’s that?” he yells. Boom! Gush! Crack! Snap!





* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
“Um…Um…where am I?” Declan says with worry in his voice. Declan looks down at his clothing and realizes something has happened to him.
“You have been in a car accident because you just hit a tree,” a raspy voice from behind replies.
Declan stares at his hands and notices his watch has been shattered. Although the glass has been shattered, the hands still continue to work. Declan turns around to the sight of his father. “Dad!” Declan embraces his dad while crying. “I miss you.” Declan says with a cracked voice.
“I miss you too son. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you and your mother.” Declan’s dad says.
“I’m confused, what am I doing here and why is my clock still working?”Declan asks his dad.
“Son, your gold watch is still ticking because you have a decision to make. You can stay here with me or you can go back to your wife and unborn child. The decision is all yours.”
Declan thinks for a while and tells his dad that he loves him very much, but he doesn’t want his son to grow up without a father like him. He gives his father a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “What now?” Declan says.
“Wait son, be patient.”Declan’s dad says softly. “Before you go, I want you to know that what happened to me is not in any way your fault. I was in that car because I chose to drive myself. You can’t change what happened, but you can change how you’re living your life. Your son is going to need his dad around. Wishing death upon yourself will cause your son to feel the same way you’re feeling now. ” Declan looks down and blinks.





* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Declan wakes up to his wife and mother next to his bed. “You are in the hospital sweetheart,” Declan’s wife whispers in his ear.
“You will never believe what has…”
Bridget cuts Declan off. “Honey you scared me, you know you shouldn’t be on the phone while driving. Oh sweetheart, were you saying something?”
“No, it’s ok, I’ll tell you later.” Declan looks down at his gold watch and touches the rim. He smiles before closing his eyes.