Signeefl. Oven mitt wearer, tentacle haver, blender carrier, and owner of more appendages for moving than any creature should rightfully have. Nobody was sure where it came from. Everybody saw where it went, or at least heard about it. There wasn’t much about it that made sense, but the one thing nobody ever figured out was its name. It could have been the name of its species the same way that we are humans, but when asked if that was the case its response was to flail all of the appendages it could lift off the ground without falling and yell “nonononononononono” in an excruciatingly annoying high pitched voice. Various experts attempted to decipher it but the only thing they discovered was that the letters could be rearranged to make the word “feelings” which appeared to have no relevance whatsoever. However, the name was quickly forgotten when the Signeefl revealed its bizarre capabilities.
The blenders it carried with it at all times, as it turned out, were more than just a bizarre choice of accessory. Spontaneously, and with no apparent premeditation, the Signeefl would place one of its blenders on somebody’s head and turn it on. Despite the image that comes to mind, the result was far from gory and almost unnoticeable until the victim began to move and speak. Essentially the effect of the “blenders” appeared to totally screw up the person’s brain so that they stumbled around babbling and freaking out for an indeterminate amount of time. Luckily the effect was not permanent but there was no set amount of time that it lasted.
Of course, nobody knew anything about this creature so nobody knew that the effects weren’t permanent. Naturally, humanity flipped out and screamed a lot. After much intense discussion and debate, the general consensus was to “Kill it! Kill it with fire!” Since this was humanity’s first encounter with an alien species the resulting attempt was highly disorganized. Basically what happened was everyone in the town that the Signeefl was currently terrorizing ran after it attempting to kill it with everything from cigarette lighters to blowtorches. Needless to say, this was entirely ineffective. A small child who had gotten ahold of a miniature torch from his parents’ backyard unintentionally set the Signeefl’s oven mitts on fire, scorching its hands. With its hands aflame and a highly confused mob in its wake the Signeefl bolted.
At this point we must take a moment to consider the Signeefl. It had no clue how it had wound up here and, as all animals do, it was merely doing what its instincts directed it to. Granted they were strange instincts, but nonetheless it had no clue how humans worked. As far as the Signeefl was concerned, it was just walking around being a Signeefl and examining its new surroundings. The Signeefl was delighted to discover that there were other creatures inhabiting wherever it had wound up. However as soon as it attempted to initiate its friendship ritual the weird little flesh sticks had attacked it with shiny, magic, bitey sticks. The Signeefl took a moment to think intensely about what it was doing, and whether or not it should reevaluate its life, goals and morals. It then proceeded to laugh maniacally at the insignificance of the pain it was potentially causing, forget about its musings and look for food so that it could survive long enough to reproduce. After all, it was an animal with rather uncomplicated thoughts.
Back in the town, everything had dissolved into chaos. Half of the humans had been brain blended and were alternating between swearing at the top of their lungs and stumbling around speaking fluent nonsense. The other half was either sobbing on the ground, having suffered one or more nervous breakdowns or desperately trying to put out one of the many fires that the angry mob had started. After all of the fire had been put out the small portion of the population that was still coherent decided to have a meeting. Unfortunately “coherent” at this point was a rather loose term and the only solution that was proposed was the construction of a wax statue in the shape of giant teabag which would be dubbed “Larry” for reasons unknown to everybody except for said doom prophet. Despite their questionable sanity, it was obvious to everyone present that this was a ridiculously unhelpful solution and should certainly not be enacted. At this point the meeting was adjourned because the Signeefl chose this time to make its reentry into the town. They knew this because their magical powers of detecting vibrations with the holes in their heads (hearing) had alerted them to the fact that everybody was screaming bloody murder even louder than they had been. They prepared to kill it with more fire but there preparations were quickly rendered unnecessary by the most peculiar sight anyone in the town had ever seen, Signeefl included.
What happened was simply the Signeefl’s departure. Naturally the Signeefl couldn’t leave in a sensible, sane and/or understandable way. It had to leave in the most ridiculous manner possible. This was always the part of the story that convinced the rest of the world (along with some of the eyewitnesses) that the whole thing was a hoax. The Signeefl was kidnapped by its mother ship. This, naturally, was shaped like a toaster. Essentially what happened was this. A colossal toaster ship flew over the town. Two large pieces of “toast” with some variety of bungee cord attached shot out of the toaster holes. These pieces of toast proceeded to make a Signeefl sandwich and bungee back up to the toaster ship. The story raced across the nation the way that ridiculous stories have a tendency to, but for obvious reasons many people had trouble believing it. The actual Signeefl was never heard from again although a few people have noticed Signeefl-esque symptoms in the years since it left. Anyway the Signeefl went away and everything was as close to happy-dandy rainbows and sunshine as the Earth ever gets.
The End.