Sleeping on a Cloud (TW) | Teen Ink

Sleeping on a Cloud (TW)

March 20, 2021
By SparrowSun ELITE, X, Vermont
SparrowSun ELITE, X, Vermont
200 articles 23 photos 1053 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It Will Be Good." (complicated semi-spiritual emotional story.)

"Upon his bench the pieces lay
As if an artwork on display
Of gears and hands
And wire-thin bands
That glisten in dim candle play." -Janice T., Clockwork[love that poem, dont know why, im not steampunk]

imagine something more relaxing than drifting away with no thoughts on a cloud, blissfully lulled to sleep as it gently rocks you under a white sterling moon and bright stars. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. yep, you couldn't. i could. literally just about anything would be. including death. or possibly even torture. at least in those regards, you are free... well, presumably you aren't physically free or the likelihood that you would be being killed or tortured would be insanely slim. 

not me. i feel the fluffy, gentle cloud beneath me, and i feel overwhelming regret. why on earth, or rather, in skye, did i think this was a good idea? it's a sugarcoated prison. not only am i stuck miles above land, but i am trapped in my own mind. or maybe, in the clouds mind. i think its seen some gruesome things, because my dreams are not peaceful and I'm not waking up. i can feel my body wither away, feel the air chill, i just cant move. if i could i would jump off and fall to my death. better than these dreams. 

i feel restless, like i may toss and turn and roll off the cloud. i don't. i don't move at all. i cant keep track off each dream, can remember more than a few moments. just a constant string of agony. trapped within my own mind with my own thoughts and awful visions, slowly going insane. by the minute my mind nears death and suicide. then it will swerve radically to aggression, and i start to forget everything I've ever done. just this cloud and these dreams. anger wells up in me, i want to destroy everything! the rest of humanity must have put me up here! i begin crying within my mind and my thoughts shift to self-pity. then rage at the cloud, i want it to be destroyed, how do i pummel it?! then back to sanity and i remember it was my bright idea... 

i want to destroy things again. i want to destroy everything that traumatized this cloud that is now flowing into me. but no, now i want to destroy the cloud. now i want help, and comfort, and people. no, i want to destroy people. no, i just want to die. i feel beneath me the cloud lighten, more clouds joining it and covering the sun to all but me. the cloud drips its heavy burden of rain down below(i hope its on the people that probably did this to me!) and its other burden drips into me. the final dream blur ends and i wake up. standing, i look around. its like a field of cotton! a field in which I'm trapped. i begin to switch clouds but pause. this cloud already filled me with its troubles, the others haven't. right here i can stay awake. i stare down at myself. I'm thirsty, and my body is withered, unfed. i tear off a piece of cloud, though i know just how polluted it is, and eat it. oh my thirst is lessened.

i continue in that fashion until a hole forms. below is a lake. i might survive. but with whats in me now i sortof hope i dont. i laugh manically for no reason, and trip on something, falling anyway. as i fall i am consumed by random giggles, then shreiks of rage. then i shift back to sanity and scream in fear, and a bit of elation. i hit the water with so much force i break my leg, upon which i landed. i plunge deep into the frigid waters, eyes wide open and inhale deep without meaning to. the murky water burns my eyes and i suspect i will drown. i kick with my good leg and near the surface, when i laugh for no reason. i see a giant fish swim towards me, and i cant fight it, though it probably couldn't eat me it could kill me and finish me later. where normally such a thought would disgust me, i dont seem to mind. I broke the surface and am screaming at it, which is interrupted by strange coughing.

a small ship comes towards me, a man and woman inside looking with concern at the soaked,coughing madwoman trending water. just as they take hold of me, the fish takes my broken leg. i scream in pain and become the subject of a tugawar. the fish leaves with my leg below the knee, and the couple get me. i laugh at them and scream something along the lines of, "you cant hold me down forever!" ill show them when i float away... dont they know you cant catch a cloud? they stare at me, concern deepening.

i shift back into sanity and stare at my leg. then i recall the fish, with no idea what it was. i akwardly thank them an stare and the torn flesh just above my knee, and the bone beyond. at least i dont have to deal with a broken leg? no, at least im alive.

i shreik and cackle, telling them one day they'll have to be clouds to, and then they'll be sorry for sticking me up there! oh, yes... they'll see. then they're judgement will end, and ill be the one laughing as they go thru physcotic episodes! i hate them! i try to bite the man, but with ease he holds me back and mutters something with the woman.

i revert to sanity and realize i just tried to bite him... because im a fish! and a cloud! no, no. i force back sanity. did i roeally sleep on a cloud or was that invented by the madness? but then how did i get here? i have no clue... but no, i must have been on a cloud. i stare up, yes, there's a cloud break. exactly like the one i fell thru. and i do remember before, and then getting on the cloud. 

i shreik out of nowhere. i dont trust them. i can attack or jump off the boat and try to swim to shore. i laugh as i turn and start to jump, but they grab me by my collar as if they expected it. i scream in frustration and collapse into laughter. oh, yes... i can throw them out and take this ship for my own! then they'll be sorry! yes, because they fed my leg to the fish, after they broke it! and they landed me on that cloud! they ask me my name and i laugh. then i jump at the woman, who also holds me back without trouble. the man holds me back from jumping off. the boat gently lands and i remember saanity again.

was i really trying to kill them? why on earth would it be their fault? but what if it was? i eye them with mistrust. then my leg, and then the skye, with clouds dispersing. then without warning i bite the mans hand, as the woman let go when i was no longer near. he lets go in surprise and i jump into the river, to rejoin my fish family. that fish wasn't hurting me, he was trying to save me! they grab me again, this time with gloves, and drag me away screaming. and laughing, occasionally scensiclly talking, but quickly deciding the madness is right and reverting animalisically, trying to destroy them, then flee. they'll take me to an asylum and lock me up, then ill never rejoin the fish or the clouds!

i laugh, scream, cry, and plead at random intervals as they drag me off into the sunset. and i did not live happily ever after.

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