“Do you want to go to the seaside?” I asked her.

We walk on a boardwalk full of silence. She looks at me with irritation pouring out of her eyes like waterfalls. I shouldn't have asked. I stared at her, waiting for an answer. Her face was the curtains to the show. I could see her thoughts playing tug-of-war. She didn't want to go. But she nodded her head yes anyway.

The ocean air reminded me of her. Frigid and sharp. We dig our heels into the cold sand and watch the waves crash just like she did. The familiar spot approaches and the wind picks up. I sit but she doesn't. I know why. She’s going to leave just like before. “Why did you do that?” I finally ask. There’s no reply. So I ask again.

The large body of water before us is nothing compared to the tears in my eyes. "Why did you kill yourself?”

No response. I look over to see her absence in place of her physical state. She was never there. Just a fragment of my wish to see her again. Why did she do that? Why does she keep doing that? I keep falling every time I come here with her. And she keeps leaving like she did that day. I wish things were different.

I replay the events of her exit every day of my life. As if she were still here. I don't want that to be the last day that I see her.

I let the wind throw me away and the water wash away my remains. I just wish she would have taken me with her.