Awkward Lust | Teen Ink

Awkward Lust

April 2, 2013
By Anonymous

Our hands crawled into each other’s, intertwining smoothly. Well, maybe not so smoothly due to my callused and winter beaten hands. None-the-less that night continued and my face got redder and hotter with every passing minute. Her contagious smile infected me and made me feel foolish as I smile aimlessly and seemingly without intent. The unknown cacophony in the background comes to a halt and we are left in ear piercing silence. With no words to express our emotions, our eyes meet, much like a scene from The Notebook. I forgot about my endless smile once my eyes met hers and I began to swim in her bright blue eyes. Slowly we got closer, my eyes still hopelessly wandering. As we both began to shut our eyes my face must have been redder than ever, but it didn’t matter. My nerves always get the best of me but I was confident that I wouldn’t let it happen now. I was wrong, still as nervous as I have ever been but time went on and anticipation built. My dry, cracked lips were blanketed by her plush warmth. As I backed away my smile mirrored hers and I couldn’t contain my giddiness causing a muffled laugh to be released. By the way she held me hand with a powerful grip in-between both hands, I knew she was the one.


The author's comments:
Inspiration from my lover.

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This article has 11 comments.


on Apr. 9 2013 at 12:03 pm
DesireeAmy BRONZE, Brattleboro, Vermont
2 articles 0 photos 5 comments
I like the reader connections. I also like the line " With no expression our emotions, our eyes meet, much like a scene from The Notebook" I could really visualize that. 

Hannah Lynde said...
on Apr. 9 2013 at 11:45 am
Hannah Lynde, Guilford, Vermont
0 articles 0 photos 8 comments
I like how you compare the snap shot to a scene in The Notebook because I have seen that movie and it gives a reader connection. There was just a minor work mixup near the end where it said, "By the way she held me hand with a powerful grip.." switching me to my might make it less awkward. 

on Apr. 9 2013 at 11:44 am
Kelsey Windish BRONZE, Guilford, Vermont
1 article 0 photos 6 comments
I liked how there were a lot of reader connections.

tildenr BRONZE said...
on Apr. 9 2013 at 11:43 am
tildenr BRONZE, Guilford, Vermont
1 article 0 photos 14 comments
Besides being deatailed and well writen i think any person could relate to this moment.

on Apr. 9 2013 at 11:37 am
CaseyTait BRONZE, Brattleboro, Vermont
2 articles 0 photos 3 comments
I love how you get the sense of awkwardness from the writer, and how the girl makes everything better. You can imagine that she might have been feeling the same way but he makes her happy, so neither of them worry about it. 

on Apr. 9 2013 at 11:37 am
EmilyBau BRONZE, Brattleboro, Vermont
1 article 0 photos 10 comments
I can see the writers emotions. The description and word choice is really wonderful.

on Apr. 9 2013 at 11:27 am
SageElizabeth, Brattleboro, Vermont
0 articles 0 photos 6 comments
I like how it referrs to the notebook, and the use of discription of feeling. 

on Apr. 9 2013 at 11:16 am
Conner Elliott-Knaggs BRONZE, Dummerston, Vermont
1 article 0 photos 7 comments
This piece was very relatable, The perespective is of a person we all know.  The emotions are very common yet so hard to describe and I think the author did a wonderfull job caputring the awkward and beuatiful first moments of love.

on Apr. 9 2013 at 11:13 am
Bailey Whelchel BRONZE, Newfane, Vermont
1 article 0 photos 7 comments
Great pace! this short story was just interesting enough to keep me reading the whole way through. I have never seen the Notebook, so I really don't know what a scene from it would be like, but that is my only complaint with this piece.

on Apr. 9 2013 at 11:10 am
Rebecca Potter BRONZE, Guilford, Vermont
1 article 0 photos 8 comments
I love how the specifics of the lovers' location or "cacophony" isn't given to the reader in Awkward Lust, because when you're with certain people (or one special person) none of that matters. The voice is clear with a distinct focus on the lover and how her features  juxtapose the speaker's. 

on Apr. 9 2013 at 11:08 am
louisarstrothman BRONZE, Putney, Vermont
1 article 0 photos 8 comments
The progression of emotion in this piece is really lovely. Its climax is beautifully written and placed really well in the writing and the softness of the conclusion really compliments.