What if... | Teen Ink

What if...

September 24, 2012
By jjgurl BRONZE, Vancover, Missouri
jjgurl BRONZE, Vancover, Missouri
3 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
live everyday like its your last

It was late September, fall had just arrived and the leaves started to turn a golden yellow color and fall off the tress flittering to the ground, leaving the ground moist and soft. The days were starting to get shorter as the weather started to get colder.

This is the time everyone is starting to fall back into their school routine. For me it involved friends, boys and sports, one boy in particular. Simon. He was a hockey player and a good one at that. This was something we shared in common. Although he was a year older than me and a lot more mature when it came to relationships. I really liked him. That’s hard to say because I never had actually talked to him but he had reffed some of my hockey games. He often looked at me when we passed each other in the hallway. It always sent shivers down my spine when our eyes met; His were blue with hints of turquoise, Mine almost jet black.

I knew a boy like that would never like a girl like me because I was on the edge of the morbidly obese category. I would have a hard time deciding between food and hockey. I hope my lack of interest in healthy eating habits was made up for in my big personality. This was the only thing that connected me with the skinny preppy popular girls. I didn’t have a hard time fitting in I just had a hard time getting boys to notice me in a positive way.

I was taught “it’s what’s on the inside that counts”. This is what I always went by, but when it came to attracting the guy of your dreams its hard when his first impression of you is always you looks. I always hoped that one day Simon would look through my appearance and focus on my personality. I knew if he got to know me I might have a chance.

The first action I ever took was telling a friend that he talked to that I liked him. She promised to put in a good word for me. I waited on what felt like months. Then one day I was waling down the hallway towards him and he grabbed my arm. Pulled me aside and said “I herd you liked me”.

What was I supposed to say to that? My legs and arms tingled and I could feel the hairs on my bag begin to prickle and rise. A lump rose in my throat and I was able to make out the words “did you”? It came out more raspy and coarse then I had intended but he didn’t seem to notice.

He looked at me awkwardly his eyes fixated on mine. My heart was raising and my ears where throbbing. I wanted him to say something to end my nerves. Finally he said “what are you doing after school”?

I concentrated on what he just said, searching my mind for an answer. Eventually I said “Nothing till six, then I have hockey practice”. I repeated what I just said in my head. “Decent reply” I thought. I was starting to feel more comfortable.

When he spoke his voice was deep and manly. I bit my lip anticipating what he was going to say next. “You wanna go up to the park, hang around and get to know each other”. “Bam” dream come true right there. My heart raced. I couldn’t breath. I opened my mouth to speak but it closed shut soon after.

Gradually I whispered the words “ya”. He walked away leaving me standing there trying to catch my breath and trying to concentrate on what class I had next.

All through last class I kept repeating our conversation through my head. I couldn’t wait until after school but I was also dreading it. What is I messed up, what if I let out a loud burp and ruin the moment. What if I couldn’t walk up that big hill to the park? All these ifs. What am I to do?

I walked out of the school and saw him waiting there, Standing tall and handsome. He was smiling at me and encouraging me to come closer. I walked forward until I was only a few feet away from him.

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