Today is the day. I’m going to propose to her. The love of my life, the thing that makes my life worth living. She won’t see it coming; I’ve hidden all the signs. After all these years I’ve worked, I finally have enough to get her a ring and support a family. A perfect ring for the perfect girl. God I love her. Even if I have been living with her and her family these last few years, I want it solid, concrete. I want a date set in stone. I want her to be by my side forever – until love no longer has meaning. Sadly, this day came sooner than I thought. But I don’t want to skip ahead. I have to say my piece.
I walk into our room and smile when I see her lying there watching a movie, face totally enraptured by the scene on our small television screen. I turn on the lights and unplug the television. She’s mad, but it won’t last long. Then I see her tears. I didn’t notice them before because I was so caught up in my thoughts. “What?” I ask - my voice so light a soft breeze could blow it away. She stands up and I go to give her a hug, wrap her in my arms and tell her it will be alright, but she backs away from me. I don’t understand what is wrong. She wraps her arms around herself and looks away. She whispers something and I can’t hear her, so I ask her what she said.
“I said get out.” She responds- her angry voice cutting into my heart like barbed wire on bare skin. I slowly back away, not understanding what she really means. “Permanently. I’m breaking up with you.” She says the last sentence with a sob, and even though I want to cry and scream and yell, all I can do is look at that little black box in my hand. At the store, the lady had asked if I wanted to pay extra and have the opportunity to return it if need be. I was so stupidly confident I didn’t even say yes. 12 grand on a diamond ring that I will never use. How could my heart recover from that?
“Why?” I ask, before I even realize there are words coming out of my mouth. Tears are coming, I can feel them burning at the back of my eyes.
“It’s… been a long time coming.” She said, shaking her head. I don’t know what to say. This whole time that I had been foolishly in love, she had been contemplating my removal from her life? I drop the black box on the bed.
“Chelsea, I love you. Please, I came in tonight planning to leave this room as your fiancée, not your ex. Please.” I ask, hands outstretched, reaching towards her and hoping with all that I had that she wouldn’t turn away.
“No. I made my decision.” She responds after a few minutes of crying. She turns her back to me and shudders. “You need to take your stuff and go.”
“You know I don’t have a house right? That’s why your family took me in?” I ask, desperate. Without her I was homeless, and worse, I would have no one to love. No parents, no siblings, no girlfriend.
“Yes.” She responds curtly. She then brushes past me, walking out of the room and into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. I sit down and cry for I don’t know how long. Then I leave.
I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m in my car in an empty parking lot and I’ve been crying all night, texting her sister, who I love like my own. She tells me how much she misses me and that she loved me like a brother. What is that supposed to mean? That I don’t have a chance? Oh no. It’s not over yet. I’m a fighter and I will do whatever it takes to get her back. Whatever it takes.