He’s mad. He’s mad and it’s my fault. I can admit that at this point. As if I couldn’t just be happy for him. As if I couldn’t just smile and nod and tell him that I’m happy for him.
I didn’t have to open my big mouth. I didn’t have to say the words I knew would hurt him the most. I didn’t have to tell him what I know is true but what I now regret repeating.
Okay so confused yet? Trust me, I am too.
Well on Sunday morning, as soon as he walked in the door I could tell he was happy. (We eat breakfast together every Sunday. I guess you could say it’s our thing.) He looked so happy. He was on cloud nine. Now, looking back on it, I could have, and should have, just decided right then, right when I saw his face to be happy for him. Somehow I knew it wouldn’t be the best news- for me. But he was happy. Shouldn’t I be happy that my best friend is happy?
I can already hear what you’re thinking. “Oh, it’s just another girl liking her best friend story”. But trust me it doesn’t end to happily.
Well he told me about their date. Every little detail. Right down to when they said goodbye. When he finished I smiled. But, of course, he could tell my smile wasn’t full-hearted.
“Well, what do you think?”
Decision making time. There was a way out. None of this would’ve happened. But when I opened my mouth the words weren’t very nice.
“I think... She’s… Well to be honest I don’t like her,” I said. It wasn’t mean… yet.
He gave me that smile that I seemed to melt at the sight of. He laughed his laugh that I knew all too well.
“Why not?” he asked, with an uncertain question in his eye.
“We just don’t have a good history.” This is actually true. We don’t. I could tell by the look in his eye that he still wasn’t happy with my answer.
I sighed and thought my words over.
“Okay well actually it’s all kind of stupid so never mind,” I said biting my lip hoping, praying this would be the end of our discussion.
But it wasn’t.
“Booper,” he said. A statement, not a question.
Ugh! Of course he’d have to whip out our secret name for each other.
“I don’t know. (I knew this still wasn’t going to be good enough.) Okay well if you must know, when we were younger we just didn’t really see eye to eye,” I started, “and well she kind of liked the same guy I did,” I finished rushing through the rest of the explanation.
“Seriously?” he said with a mock smile.
“Yes,” I said, beyond ready to end this discussion. And to be perfectly honest, once upon a time we did like the same guy. Yes, it was in the first grade but sometimes those are the crushes that stick with you forever. Even though at the moment I can’t think of that kids name for the life of me but still…
“Booper?” he said. A question, not a statement.
“Yes?” I asked not looking up from the oh-so-interesting newspaper ad about the BOGO sale at a shoe store I’ve never even heard of before.
“What’s really bugging you about this girl? Honestly?” he asked. This is it. Here’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for.
“I’ve heard rumors,” I squeaked. Once again true but not exactly relevant.
He looked at me a little flustered. He hates rumors. “And what exactly do these rumors consist of?” he said not yet mad but getting there.
I was tip-toeing around the truth. That’s another thing he hates.
“Nothing, never mind,” I said trying to backpedal.
“You’ve already started so might as well finish.”
“Because you gave me your look!”
“What look?” he said smiling, “Wait, that’s not the point right now. What exactly have you heard?” he asked getting back to that almost-furious look.
I looked at him hesitantly. Wondering on a scale of one to ten how mad he would be. I decide on a nine but he always forgives me. He would have to forgive me. Right?
“Well, I’ve heard she sleeps around. Her last boyfriend caught her in bed with his brother. Which of course is cliché and all but I also heard that after he forgave her she broke up with him because she said he was too demanding. I don’t know, she just doesn’t seem like the settling down type of girl, you know?”
Yupp. I had done it. I had in short called his future girlfriend a whore.
“How many times have I told you that rumors just hurt people? You don’t even know her! But you know me and I expected you to just be happy for me. That’s all I was asking for. Was for you to tell me that you were happy for me and give me your blessing. And you know what? I didn’t have to. Most guys wouldn’t but I care so deeply about your opinion I wanted to tell you. But now I know it was just another waste of breath. I’ve got to go.”
“But we haven’t even had breakfast yet.” Which I know is the lamest thing I could have said but what else could I say?
But he just gave me a last almost pitying look and walked out. That’s the first time in over eight years. The first time in the eight years that I’ve known him that he has ever walked out on me.
So he’s mad. He’s mad because I wasn’t supportive and I realize that now. He’s mad because I was rude about his girlfriend and I understand that. I know that it wasn’t really my place to say anything but I said it anyway. I know all of this but it’s too late now. He’s mad.
It’s Saturday night. He hasn’t called me all week. Tomorrow is our breakfast day. He hasn’t called and tomorrow is our breakfast day. We probably won’t see each other tomorrow morning. We might not see each other for a while.
I want him so badly to just call. We usually text all day and see each other at least three times a week. So I’m not sure where we stand. What if we become the type of people who see each other at parties but only wave and smile faintly at each other? What if we only see each other randomly on the street? Will we even talk? Will he even acknowledge me? How did we go from being each other’s everything to not even talking?
Because he fell in love. He fell in love with someone else and I opened my big mouth.
But it’s only been a week. He might call. Right?
I have no idea what’s going to happen.
Hold on a minute, the phone’s ringing.