I kissed Ash on the cheek. "Don't worry, everything's going to work out fine." I assured him.

He smiled, "Yeah, I hope so." Then he walked out the front door. I shut it behind him and watched out the window as he walked over to his house.

He rang the doorbell and his mom answered. When she saw him standing there, she hugged him. He dropped his suitcases and backpack and hugged her back. I could tell be how shaky Ms. Mongolia was, that she was crying.

I bit my lip, thinking about the plan Ash and I had decided on. Did I really want to date him behind his mom's back? Especially after seeing how happy she was when he came back to her. She really thought that he had chosen her over me.

"So Ash chose his mom?" Mom asked me, walking up to me.

"Not exactly," I replied. "We were planning on secretly dating while his mom's at work. But now that I see how happy she is to see him, I'm not so sure."

"Well you do what you think is right. I'm not going to tell you that you can't secretly date Ash, but I'm not going to tell you that you should either. This is a choice that you need to make by yourself."

"Yeah, I know." I said.

"Ok, and if you need to talk, I'll always be here to listen." She hugged me and then walked away.

I looked back out the window. Ash and his mom weren't standing there anymore. I wished that this could be easier. I wished that Ms. Mongolia would just let me date Ash. Why couldn't she just let us be happy together? Why couldn't she just be happy for us?

My heart ached for some good advice from Kristy. She always knew what to do in these kinds of situations. But I couldn't call her up and ask for advice. I couldn't go over to her house. I couldn't meet her at Sadie's.

But I could ask her for forgiveness. I could beg and plead and apologize, because I really was sorry. So I pulled out my cell phone and dialed her number.

"What do you want?" she picked up.

"I want to talk." I replied.

"Well you have five minutes." she said.

"Kristy, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I missed your concert, I'm sorry you think I like Ash better than you, I'm sorry if I haven't been paying much attention to you, I'm just sorry, ok? I'm so, so sorry."

She was silent for a moment. "How could you not have been there for me?"

"Ash's mom fell down the stairs. Ash was really worried about her!"

"Well then why couldn't you have let Ash go check on her? This concert meant a lot to me and you knew that, yet you still thought Ash was more important. Do you know how much that hurts me?"

Now she was crying. "Kristy, please don't get so upset! I'm hurt too! Why can't we just forget and forgive? Because I really need you right now. I really your advice for a situation I'm in with Ash."

"Wow, I never knew you were so self-centered." she said.

"What?" I demanded. "I'm not self-centered!"

"Really? Because it seems like the only reason you even want to be friends is so that you can get some advice about Ash. Well here's some advice: cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it."

"Kristy, it's nothing like that!" I cried.

"Tell it to someone who cares." Then she hung up on me.

I set my phone down on the kitchen table in shock. Kristy had never hung up on me before. She was really mad about this. And I had a feeling that she wasn't going to get over it any time soon.

But what hurt the most was knowing that she was right. I had only called her to apologize so that I could get some advice. What kind of friend was I? Not a very good one. But I didn't want to be friends with Kristy just for advice. I needed her. She was my best friend.

And what if Ash and I didn't end up together? Then I'd have no one. I never should have even went out with Ash. I was an unpopular, unbeautiful dork. How could I have ever thought that things would work out for me and Ash? Ash was wonderful. He was sweet, funny, smart, hot. He wasn't meant to be with a girl like me.

I should have just kept the one friend that I had. I should have been happy with what I had. I shouldn't have aimed for more than that. Because in the end, I'd lost everything. Ash and I were still technically together. And I still loved him. But if we loved each other so much, why did I feel so horrible about our relationship? Why wasn't I happy to be with him?

I should have been. I should have been thrilled to find a way to date him behind his mom's back. But I wasn't. It just didn't feel right. If we had to hide our relationship, then was it really worth it? Was it really worth betraying his mom? She was mean, but she didn't deserve this. No one did.

"Honey, are you going to come up and get ready for bed?" Mom asked me.

And then tears began streaming down my face. "Kristy is mad at me, Mom."

"Don't be so upset. She'll come around. She always does." she replied.

"No, Mom, not this time. I missed her concert yesterday. And she's never going to forgive me for that."

"Yes she will, she's your best friend."

"You didn't hear how angry she was, Mom. You didn't hear how hurt she was. This concert meant the world to her and I missed it. I missed it for Ash."

"Well did you tell her that?" Mom asked.

"Yeah, and now she thinks that I like Ash better than her." I replied.

"It sounds to me like she's jealous. But if she's really your friend, which I know she is, then this won't last. Her concert was yesterday night. It hasn't even been a full twenty-four hours. She'll come around."

"But we've never been mad at each other for more than ten or fifteen minutes. We always call each other right away and make up." I told her.

"Well don't worry. You two have been friends since fourth grade. She's not going to give that up over one missed concert."

"Mom, it's more than that. You just don't understand. She's not going to let this go. She's never been this angry with me!" I shook my head as more tears came.

"Well I hate seeing you this upset. Is there anything I can do?" she asked in concern.

"Unless you can go back in time before I ever fell in love with Ash, no, there's nothing you can do." I replied.

"What do you mean before you ever fell in love with Ash?" she asked.

"Ever since I fell in love with him, everything's been wrong. I really do love him, but even if we do secretly date, I'm just not happy. But when we aren't together, I'm just as upset. I just don't get it." I cried.

"Well don't blame it on your love for Ash. It's his mom who's being stubborn about who he dates. She should be doing whatever she can to make him happy. After all that he's been through, he deserves at least that."

"Yeah, well she's not going to let him be with me. So I can either secretly date him and feel horrible or not be with him at all and feel just as bad. And either way, I'm not going to have Kristy to help me through it. What should I do?"

"I honestly don't know." she confessed.

"But you always know what to do!"

"Not always," she said.

"I'm just so confused. Nothing I do is right."

"Well once you do the right thing, everything else will fall into place. So now you just have to decide whether or not you want to secretly date Ash." Then she kissed the top of my head, smiled, and walked upstairs.

But how could I decide when one of part of my heart was saying yes and the other was saying no?